TRANSCRIPT
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
kristy, relationship, talk, love, commitment, sounds, conflict, pretty, communication, intimacy, chuck, raised, people, years, passed, compliment, couples, work, ended, kids
SPEAKERS
Chuck Robinett, Kimberly Hoffman, Kristy Robinett, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:07
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. It is a first on Kickass Couples Nation because we have somebody who probably already knows what I’m gonna say. And that’s an I know it’s a horrible joke. Kristy, you probably get that all the time. But we have a person who is a psychic and a medium and has done some pretty amazing things in her life with her faithful trusty sidekick, the man behind the woman. We want to welcome Kristy and Chuck Robinett to The Kickass Couples Podcast.
Kristy Robinett 05:02
Thanks for having us.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:03
Thanks for being with us today. We are excited to get this podcast started with you. And we like to come right out of the gate right away asking the question, What makes you a kick ass couple? And so, Chuck, I think I’m gonna ask you first. What do you think makes you and Kristy a kickass couple?
Chuck Robinett 05:03
Thank you.
Chuck Robinett 05:26
Familiarity. I think more than anything else, it’s very odd. I know a lot of couples, people that have been married, we’ve been together a long time, they’re able to finish each other’s sentences. But we do it all the time and comes to the point where we’ll just look at each other. Like, I used to yell, really yell, but say, you know, Hey, can I have my own thoughts once in a while, but that’s just the way it is. We’re connected that way? Very much. So
Kimberly Hoffman 05:53
That’s awesome. So you guys really have a deep connection on a totally different level of sort of language that’s unspoken. How about for you, Kristy, what would you say makes you a kick ass couple?
Kristy Robinett 06:08
We’re super committed to one another, we always have been, we’ve been on the same page with raising our kids. We’re a blended family. And so there, there is some trouble that sometimes goes with that I’ve seen in the past. But we’ve always been on the same page with how we wanted to raise them, and how we wanted a couple with one another to we experienced all the bad before. So we knew what not to do. And we took all of those lessons and turn that into a really honest and healthy relationship.
Chuck Robinett 06:45
Yeah very much so.
Kristy Robinett 06:47
He’s accepting. And you know, that’s the one thing is he’s accepting. So it’s really interesting to go on a first date with someone who’s a psychic medium and tell them their psychic medium, because that can be so perceived as you know, scary or frightening or what have you. And he pretty much was like, Can you pass the ketchup, So.
Chuck Robinett 07:10
Yeah, definitely was no exit stage left and nothing fazed me with any of that, so.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:15
Yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 07:15
I wanna know Chuck, what was when you found that out? You didn’t know that before the first date?
Chuck Robinett 07:20
Oh, no, no.
Matthew Hoffman 07:21
So, tell me how you handle that? I mean, because that sounds I mean, it’s it’s it’s unusual. But how did that how did you respond to that? And then was it ever an issue in your relationship?
Chuck Robinett 07:32
Well, just like she had said, pass a ketchup basically. That’s what I said. We were at a restaurant. We were on the first date. And she told me and again, I was not moved on was not fazed. It was like, oh, okay, cool. Would you pass the ketchup? And that’s basically what happened. It never, I never doubted anything. I mean, why would she lie to me about any of that stuff? And later on, you know, within a week or two, I guess it was she kind of did a reading for me. And I thought she was crazy because she was coming up with stuff that was like what she says, I see legal papers, I see a badge. I see this, I see that. And I’m like, I don’t know what she’s talking about. And I kind of like blew it off. But needless to say, very soon. I got pulled over and yeah, I was arrested because I was driving on a suspended license that I didn’t know was suspended.
Kristy Robinett 08:27
That he never even knew was suspended. So I tried to protect him from it. He’s not a criminal.
Chuck Robinett 08:34
Everything’s cleared up. It was kind of a mistake but, regardless.
Matthew Hoffman 08:38
I was concerned, I thought I might see your picture in the post office.
Chuck Robinett 08:40
Nope, never. No, America’s Most Wanted for sure.
Kristy Robinett 08:47
So I’m a medium so I see those that have crossed over to the other side that are in heaven. And I also have brought through people that I didn’t know from his past or from his family, and been able to validate him who was around him and such too. He really doesn’t like me to do readings for him though since that.
Chuck Robinett 09:05
Because of that. I’ve always have said and I’ve told that to other people when they’ve asked questions like that. It’s like okay, if I’m gonna get hit by a bus let me know so I can stay away from buses other wise I don’t want to know anything.
Kimberly Hoffman 09:17
Sure. Yeah. Was that was that reading solicited? Or unsolicited? When you when you got it?
Chuck Robinett 09:22
It was solicited. I was like do you how do you do it? That’s basically what I want to know are sitting at the kitchen table. And there we go.
Kristy Robinett 09:31
I’m like, what aren’t you telling me?
Chuck Robinett 09:34
Yeah, what aren’t you telling me? And I’m looking at her like, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Didn’t know.
Kimberly Hoffman 09:40
At that moment she was a little woo.
Chuck Robinett 09:42
Well, you know, you question it. You think, well, maybe she’s just off maybe she’s wrong. She wasn’t off, she wasn’t wrong.
Matthew Hoffman 09:49
She was just trying to keep you out of jail, Chuck. That’s love, that’s commitment.
Chuck Robinett 09:54
The beauty of it was she came and bailed me out, so yeah that was a good thing.
Kristy Robinett 09:58
I did bail him out too.
Chuck Robinett 09:59
You know, she was mad at me, I’d still probably be there. But you know, life goes on.
Kimberly Hoffman 10:03
Oh, this is awesome.
Matthew Hoffman 10:07
So, you know, I kind of like to go back here. And I want to I really think and Kim and I both feel this way that we are kind of products of the people that raised us.
Chuck Robinett 10:17
Right.
Matthew Hoffman 10:17
So I’d love to know. And Christy, I’m gonna ask if we can start with you. When you were growing up, what did love look like in your family, with your parents, whoever raised you? How did you see love demonstrated and what was kind of the picture that was modeled to you, in a relationship about that expression of love.
Kristy Robinett 10:35
I unfortunately was sort of raised in a dysfunctional family. My dad was very traditional, it was military. I was the oops child. And then I was also the one that could see spirits. And my parents were extremely religious. So I was a little bit of the black sheep. My mom had mental health issues, they loved one another, and they loved me the way that they could love me. And like I said before, I think that we take all of the things that we didn’t like, in our past relationships. And we form ourselves to do better than that. So I don’t regret any of that. Or I don’t hold my parents accountable, if you will, for the way that they had raised me in the household that I was in. But I didn’t want to repeat their unhealthy patterns that they had. My dad was my person, my mom was jealous, because he was my person. He actually lived with us for almost all of our, our marriage for the beginning of and he passed away last year. But he was stubborn and strong willed. And his love language was wasn’t warm and fuzzy. And my mom was warm and fuzzy. And so they just didn’t melt together. So I wanted somebody who had similar love languages, or at least would be willing to understand what my language was or my needs were, but it was dysfunctional.
Matthew Hoffman 12:08
Sure.
Kristy Robinett 12:09
But still loving, still loving.
Matthew Hoffman 12:13
They had it Well, what I hear you saying is they each had love for you. They just expressed it very differently. And
Matthew Hoffman 12:20
with each other. And and, and then you probably sounds like we all take things we like and things we don’t like but from what I hear you saying is there a lot of things you didn’t like that you said, hey, I want to do it differently.
Kimberly Hoffman 12:20
with each other.
Kristy Robinett 12:33
Unfortunately, there was probably more that I disliked than I liked there. But as we get older, we understand the situations, the situations were just different and mental health situations were just different. My mom was blind. My mom went blind when I was 12. So that was hard on the whole family. I had to be your caregiver, my dad had to be the caregiver, he ended up having a heart attack when I was 18. Right as soon as I went off to college, so I had to quit college to then take care of both of them. So it was they were both just their lives. They were only 40 something years old, 50 years old, and it was like their lives are over because of the medical issues that they had.
Matthew Hoffman 13:14
Sounds like you didn’t have you grew up had to grow up quickly, and become the parent to your parents. And it’s tough to take away a lot of things for yourself. When you’re so busy providing for others.
Kristy Robinett 13:28
It’s hard, you go through caregiver burnout, for sure. And I’m still recovering from that since my dad’s passing that learning that it’s okay for me to play. And I need to stop feeling like I’m responsible for everybody else’s happiness. So I’m still in that sort of therapy of learning with it. Even though I tell my clients to do that, I don’t always take my own advice.
Matthew Hoffman 13:52
Right. It’s hard. It’s hard. Chuck, how about you what did what a love look like for you growing up and your family?
Chuck Robinett 13:57
Probably worse than hers. I’m a little bit older than she is. But my dad left my folks fought all the time. He left when I was five or six. So they didn’t get legally divorced till I was 14. But my mother had to work. And then he was a musician and he was always busy. I think when I was younger, my father did not know basically how to be a father. He was more preoccupied with his career and what he had going on. And my mother kind of the same way she was just more preoccupied with her life than than me. So I guess I kind of felt like I was just more in the way than anything else. And pretty much I probably was until at least I got older. But it’s strange because there were nothing alike except for the band of music. They had that together. But on my dad’s side, they were all really affectionate. And I spent most of my time with them with my grandparents and my aunt, and on my mom’s side. They were more proper Old English or Irish. My great grandparents, they were in their 90s at that time, and they weren’t much huggy kissy type of thing. You know, they cared they loved. But it was a different situation one side drank the other side didn’t drink it. One side was more religious than the other. It was just different. But I kind of more or less raised myself, for the most part, at least.
Kristy Robinett 15:28
But he had his grandparents that raised him as well, I didn’t have a support system, there was no grandparents, he had his grandma and grandpa, where he would go on the weekends.
Chuck Robinett 15:38
And I spent all summers all my summers with my grandparents had a cottage in Canada. So I was lucky in that respect. And my mother was probably thrilled to death to get me out of the house for three months. So she could go on with her things. But at least I had that. And then I had an uncle that was really close to. And unfortunately, least for me, of course, I was older I was in my late teens, my grandfather, that one grandfather, he passed away first, and then my uncle passed away within the year. So both of my, I don’t want to say father figures, but the two people I was probably closest to at least being raised. They were both gone. So I got a well, with my father, we had our ons and offs. And I had a lot of grudges. And it’s really strange that I would kind of fight it. But then we kind of reconciled and he got sick, he ended with cancer. And I still kind of held grudges after he passed away, he left in 94. And when I turned 50, he came to Kristy one night, and as in a visit, and explain why he did the things he did and that he didn’t know how to be a father.
Kristy Robinett 16:52
He had to write a letter to him.
Chuck Robinett 16:54
So he wrote me a letter had her write me the letter, when I turned 50 and explained everything. And after that everything was it was fine. It was gone. It was done and no sense holding grudges. I understood why he did the things that he did.
Kimberly Hoffman 17:08
Sure.
Matthew Hoffman 17:09
Sure.
Matthew Hoffman 17:10
It sounds like you know, you guys each had a pretty difficult or challenging, you know, finding your own way and figuring out what you had to do together. So tell me, what did it how did the two of you come together? Which each of those backgrounds and form what is now today, you’ve been married over 30 years did I hear you say?
Kristy Robinett 17:28
20
Chuck Robinett 17:29
20
Matthew Hoffman 17:29
20 years? So how did you take those two disparate backgrounds and bring them together for one that’s working for you today?
Kristy Robinett 17:38
Yeah, because you think okay, are we trauma bonding? Right? You know, that’s the first thing is we’re both coming from dysfunctional upbringings. I think that when we met, though, we were mature, we had already had a past relationship, we had already had kids, we had already kind of experienced the the things that we shouldn’t do in relationships, we had grown up through that. So we had, again, have a better understanding of the conflict that we had endured. And we had made a promise that we weren’t going to do that. Like one of the first things that I told them is, my ex would always threatened divorce. Anytime we got into a fight that it would be I’m leaving you. And so I said one of the stipulations if we have conflict, the D word can’t be mentioned, because that’s a trigger for me. And so we kind of set up parameters of what the healthy relationship for us a tune to the dysfunction of our families, and the dysfunction of our past marriages had been as well.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:45
So you you had those conversations before you got married? Is that what I hear you saying?
Chuck Robinett 18:51
Maybe before and also during the beginning.
Kristy Robinett 18:53
And we still do.
Chuck Robinett 18:54
Yeah, it never ends.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:56
An ongoing conversation.
Chuck Robinett 18:58
We had both been through bad marriages that lasted pretty long. Mine was almost 11 years. Yours was at least 10. Right?
Kristy Robinett 19:05
Yeah.
Chuck Robinett 19:05
So we were the victims, and both of those per se. And neither marriage was good. So I had two kids, she had two kids. When I got divorced. All my efforts went towards my children. I stopped dating, I didn’t want to be bothered with anybody else, just raising my girls. And then at one point, I finally said, Okay, now I’ve got to do something for me. And we ended up going on a blind date. But I knew though honestly, I knew that when I would go on this date with her that we were going to be married otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. It’s just really weird how that works.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:43
So you just knew in your heart that
Chuck Robinett 19:45
Yeah, otherwise I would not have done what I did.
Kristy Robinett 19:48
And the interesting thing is we both say neither of us were one another’s types you know we had in our head.
Chuck Robinett 19:54
No.
Kristy Robinett 19:54
And yet we were exactly what one another needed.
Chuck Robinett 19:57
Right.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:58
Sure.
Chuck Robinett 19:59
And trust me she’s my type now.
Matthew Hoffman 20:02
Glad you figured that out.
Kristy Robinett 20:04
That’s nice after 20 years.
Chuck Robinett 20:06
Good answer. Good answer.
Kristy Robinett 20:07
Good job.
Chuck Robinett 20:08
But no.
Kimberly Hoffman 20:09
We have 14 pillars that we believe it takes to make a successful relationship. And we really focus on three of those, which we call the three C’s. And that is commitment, communication and conflict resolution. I want to talk a little bit about commitment with the both of you, how does commitment show up in your relationship? And what does that look like, within your relationship together?
Kristy Robinett 20:37
I think commitment because everyone probably has a different definition of commitment. Right? You know, so commitment can actually become a little bit codependent for some people, you know, so how it looks, I think that some of that commitment is allowing us to have our own identities, but also having the coupling.
Chuck Robinett 21:00
Yeah.
Kristy Robinett 21:00
That kind of goes hand in hand with that as well. And it also, you know, what does, you know, not to get too dark into this, but what does adultery looked like? You know, is it texting another person? Is that flirting with another person? And we had those conversations, the what that looked like for one another boundary, maybe set someone into a self esteem situation, because of our past we had both been cheated on. So we didn’t want to bring all of that into this relationship, and have that being problematic. So the commitment of are we on the same page? Are we do we believe in the same values? Do we believe in the same parenting structure? That was honestly one of the number one reasons why I fell in love with them? Because we had so much in common with what that looked like, for each other.
Kimberly Hoffman 21:57
I hear you saying it’s a lot of the little things, all of those little things that are that all come together to make it one big commitment to each other?
Kristy Robinett 22:08
Absolutely.
Chuck Robinett 22:10
And we’re both usually together. I mean, you know, there’s not like, Okay, I’m going out with the guys and she’s going out with the girls. You know, I wouldn’t go on a vacation without her and vice versa.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:21
Right.
Chuck Robinett 22:22
You know, even like going to the store, I’ll go store by myself sometimes. Because she doesn’t like to shop. And I’m the shopper. So I’ll do that, you know, but for the most part, we’re usually always together.
Kristy Robinett 22:34
And we like one another together. My girlfriend’s think it’s strange. They’re like, I don’t know why you’re always with them. And it honestly it feels like the both of us make that whole energy. So and it’s not codependent. You know, it’s just we we waited so long to find one another.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:52
And your friends also. Right, it sounds like you enjoy being in each other’s company.
Chuck Robinett 22:57
I would say, Yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 22:59
You like each other, in addition to love each other.
Kristy Robinett 23:02
We love one another. Yeah, yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 23:05
That’s great. Well, the second of our three C’s, as Kim mentioned, is communication. And communication is critical. Right after commitment. If you’ve got the commitment, it’s like, well, how do you talk about it then? Right. So Chuck, I’d like to hear from you tell me what, what is the communication dance look like between you? And Kristy? How do you guys relate to each other? And how do you make sure those lines are open? And what do you do to keep it strong?
Chuck Robinett 23:30
Well, like I mentioned before, we’re an awful lot alike. In that respect, we think like, we come up with the same words, we come up with the same sentence structures. It’s it’s just always on. And the two of us together being we’re able to communicate because we’re both thinking pretty much the same way and, and most everything we do we are assignees twin, yeah, very much so yeah. So I’m gonna look at it like that and say, well, that’s the biggest thing.
Kristy Robinett 24:02
I will say I’m an emotional communicator. I’m probably he’s very sensitive and emotional, too. But I’m an emotional communicator, he’s a bit more pragmatic. So he can talk me off the ledge really fast and reground me when I am you know, being a little bit more of the Diva and drama filled. He his communication style is a bit more level had, I guess I’d say.
Chuck Robinett 24:33
Oh, I’d definitely say that. gets more emotional. And I’m very, very even keeled and laid back. And I get that way the older that I get I wasn’t always that way but it’s just the way things are now and she gets upset with something you know, to me. She might be blowing things out of proportion. And I said well could always be worse. There’s always something and usually thing his workout, and there always is going to be something worse.
Kristy Robinett 25:03
But the communication is always respectful. It’s not like he’s talking down to me with regards to that, or, or you know him, you know me saying, What do you mean you need to think into the larger spectrum of that. And he trusts it comes down to trust, he trusts me if I’m thinking something, or I’m feeling something or intuitive thing, something. So yeah, we communicate very similarly, but I guess enough different, where we aren’t Siamese twins truly saying we’re Siamese twins.
Matthew Hoffman 25:34
So what I hear you saying is you each have different styles. So styles complement each other, and give each other what they need. And so kind of along those lines of communication, I’d love to ask you to what is the best compliment you’ve received from your spouse? Like, what’s the nicest thing they’ve ever said, the each of you has ever said to the other? Well, you just melted like, oh my gosh, that just was the best thing I’ve ever heard. You think of anything?
Chuck Robinett 26:04
I can’t.
Kristy Robinett 26:06
That sounds terrible. I can think of 500 things.
Chuck Robinett 26:09
But see, that’s how she is compared to how I am.
Kristy Robinett 26:14
I will say I was never really told, and I’m gonna get emotional about this growing up. I was never said the words, I’m proud of you, or what you’ve done, I’m proud of you for and he is very communicative with telling me often that he’s proud of me, for you know, a book that I wrote or for an accomplishment that I had. And so that that really feeds that. I’m a little bit like, this is a really goofy thing. But it’s not verbal. But like the other day, this is so ridiculous. The other day, we had BLTs. And he made the toast like I like it very lightly toasted. He made my toast Perfect. Well, he made his toast the way he wanted it. It wasn’t like, well, it just suck it up. And here’s the toast that I like, he made my toast the way that I
Kimberly Hoffman 27:05
The way you love your toast.
Kristy Robinett 27:07
Exactly. I and I know that that sounds ridiculous. But that made my heart sing. You know, it’s those small gestures that really kind of sore the compliments, I compliment you all the time.
Chuck Robinett 27:21
She does, and I’m not very good with compliments.
Kristy Robinett 27:24
He understands me and my toast. And I think I think that that is you know, a such a simple thing that couples sometimes don’t, you know, take an account that it doesn’t have to be that verbal compliment, if you will, it can be he’s paying attention to the things that I like, or I dislike, and he’s following through on that as well. But I said I offer him compliments all the time.
Chuck Robinett 27:48
Yeah, and
Kristy Robinett 27:49
so
Chuck Robinett 27:50
I appreciate it. But I just assumed not hear them and it’s not just from her as from anybody, I’ve just never been like that. When I was younger, I was always looking for acceptance or wanting to hear something like that. I never heard it just like her. So you kind of get a thick skin. And again, I’m pretty easygoing with everything. I’m good at blocking things out. And I’m good at holding things in. So we really don’t argue even when there’s something that might set either one of us off. It still doesn’t really go into an argument. It’s just easier.
Kristy Robinett 28:20
We talk about it.
Chuck Robinett 28:21
Yeah.
Kristy Robinett 28:21
But we don’t argue.
Chuck Robinett 28:22
Right.
Kristy Robinett 28:23
Not often.
Chuck Robinett 28:24
We don’t fight. Not that we never have. I think everyone has. But
Kimberly Hoffman 28:29
Yeah, that’s actually the next three C’s is conflict resolving conflict, and how you do that. And what I hear you saying, Kristy is that, you know, he validates you. But he also pays attention to you. And I think that’s key paying attention to your spouse and understanding all those little things that they like, dislike those little nuances. It is such a great deposit in your emotional bank account when somebody understand you, and they pay attention to you.
Kristy Robinett 29:09
Yeah, he picks up on everything like and that’s the thing that made me really fall in love with him even more is when we were, you know, just dating, is that, you know, I would say I liked something or I like that song or what have you. And I would forget that I had said that. And the next thing I know he’s got the CD of you know, that artists with that song on it, you know, handing it to me. So I’m not necessarily a gift. Like I don’t really want a gift. I’m not a gift person. I don’t love gifts. That doesn’t feed my emotional bank. But it’s still it’s the thought that goes into that. So yeah, it’s we don’t we don’t normally fight. I mean, obviously we’ve had fights. We’ve had arguments, the kids would say yes, you guys do you guys see No, we always used to fight before vacation
Chuck Robinett 30:02
vacation for some strange reason.
Kimberly Hoffman 30:05
It’s stressful to get ready to go on vacation.
Chuck Robinett 30:07
Well, it is there’s a lot of things that have to be done. And
Kimberly Hoffman 30:10
Exactly.
Kristy Robinett 30:11
The kids are like, I don’t even want to go now because you guys are fighting.
Kimberly Hoffman 30:13
Always mad at each other. Well tell me let’s talk a little bit about when you do kind of when when you do mess up, right? Because we’re all gonna mess up. We’re not perfect. When you do make a mistake me, give me an example of maybe a big mistake that was made and how you approach that? How do you resolve conflict? How would you approach that within your relationship?
Chuck Robinett 30:38
I’m not going to be much help because I can’t think of anything.
Kristy Robinett 30:40
I’m not going to be much help either. Because I don’t think we’ve ever we talk everything through. So I don’t think that we have ever had anything where we’ve felt betrayed know about.
Kimberly Hoffman 30:55
So there aren’t big blow ups because you address the little things as they come along. Is that what I hear you?
Kristy Robinett 31:01
Correct.
Chuck Robinett 31:02
Yeah.
Kristy Robinett 31:03
Yeah, I don’t I mean, everything even from the kids to? Well, there was one.
Chuck Robinett 31:09
Okay, here we go.
Kristy Robinett 31:10
There was one. And this was our wedding day.
Chuck Robinett 31:13
Oh, okay.
Kristy Robinett 31:14
So I went to go get my hair done. And he left my kids. We call them our kids now. But my kids who were old enough to be left alone, but they shouldn’t have been left alone on the wedding day. And I asked the kids, I’m like, where did he go? And his daughter didn’t want us to get married. So she ended up going to the hospital for a sprained ankle. And I’m using parentheses for that. Because she wanted her mom and her dad together. And she would like was Disney seeing this. Like if they saw one another, they get back together and we would break the wedding off. And I knew nothing about that. And also the warrant that was out for his arrest that we talked about.
Chuck Robinett 32:02
Yeah. But again, I had no idea.
Kristy Robinett 32:05
But we talked it through. I mean, he ended up taking his daughters, because I said, you know, she was sabotaging this. And he’s like, No, not my princess. And later, as years progressed, and she matured, she’s like, oh, yeah, I definitely tried to sabotage your wedding.
Chuck Robinett 32:22
And it didn’t matter if it was her. It was, you know, anybody the Queen of England. She would have been that way. I think probably.
Kristy Robinett 32:29
Yeah, she was a little bit difficult.
Chuck Robinett 32:33
And it wasn’t going to happen between her mother and I either, so.
Kristy Robinett 32:37
And that was probably our biggest conflicts that we had is when the kids were younger. And, you know, going between two houses, both of them and all the time and trying to deal with that was challenging, but we still talked it over, it wasn’t necessarily a big blowout, I was just like you believe her that she didn’t sabotage really?
Matthew Hoffman 33:00
Right. So it sounds like the two of you have gotten pretty good at the art of compromise, because it doesn’t seem like either of you are holding on to any beliefs so strongly, or you’re inflexible. You’re you say you talk about it. And it sounds like you’re considering each other’s viewpoints and opinions, getting agreement, whatever that agreement may be, and moving on. And that’s, that’s a wonderful, you know, place to be if more couples were able to approach those disagreements and conflicts in that way, right? They wouldn’t maybe have as much relationship ending power, as they do. So do you have you been together for you said about 20 years, right? And so obviously, you’ve seen some changes in yourselves and your bodies and the relationship? How has the level of intimacy changed between the two of you over that time period? And what have you done to keep it strong and deep and alive?
Kristy Robinett 33:54
We like one another.
Chuck Robinett 33:56
Yeah.
Kristy Robinett 33:56
You know, again, we like and love. So Chuck went through a cancer situation right before COVID. And in early 2020, he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And he had to go through a stem cell transplant the longest we’ve ever been apart from one another, he had to stay almost a month in the hospital to have that. And I think that that also just rebonded the intimacy. I just don’t want to be without you.
Chuck Robinett 34:27
Right.
Kristy Robinett 34:27
So, you know, and it is. Life is too short. I think that we say that all the time. Yeah, it is. And so whether it’s conflict or whether it’s intimacy, you know, it’s very mature. We make sure that we spend time together, we still do date nights, or we do, we go out.
Chuck Robinett 34:48
And it’s easier now that the kids are adults and they’re all moved out married themselves. My mother isn’t going to be the pain in the butt that she used to be. She passed away. Her dad lived with us, unfortunately. He’s gone, too. But it makes things a lot easier because like she mentioned earlier, she doesn’t have to worry about what am I going to do? What am I not going to do? There was no responsibility on either one of our parts doing either one of our parents, you know, I mean, whatever they needed, we had to do, again, I was an only child, she might as well have them. So, with that being done and gone to the other side, it makes things a lot. I don’t want to say easier. But you don’t have to.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:33
But there’s freedom. There’s freedom within your relationship now that you didn’t have before, for numerous reasons, kids, family, and so it puts you in a different place.
Chuck Robinett 35:43
Right.
Kristy Robinett 35:45
Yeah, exactly. So I mean, we can if I want to go to bed at 7pm, I can go to bed at 7pm and not have to answer to anybody, I guess, you know, and I could tell him, Hey, I just want to go to bed at 7pm. And he’s like, Okay, I got wrestling to watch or football to watch or whatever.
Chuck Robinett 36:01
Yeah.
Kristy Robinett 36:02
So I think that that is there’s also an intimacy with that is just the understanding.
Kimberly Hoffman 36:08
Yeah, for sure. Well, we have four, we have 14 pillars, which you guys, I believe had that sheet at one point in time. And so we talked about the first three. And I’m just curious, are there any others on that list that really resonate with you and that are important to you? And why?
Kristy Robinett 36:29
I think we go back to communication, though, I think that that is, in our past relationships, we did not have that communication with our spouses, or we communicated so differently that it was men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, you know, while we found our own planet, and created our own ability, our own language through that, but I think, you know, all of the things that are on your pillars, I think have a play, you know, whether it’s the trust, you know, that’s important as well to have a foundation of that, where, you know, if I do go on vacation with girlfriends, you know, or if you he goes to a concert with somebody, you know, that we trust, that it’s not a big deal, because he’s not cheating, and I’m not cheating. And, and the financial element to which I think is was also brought up, you know, on the pillar is, we, we literally probably sound like the most boring, maybe because we really talk about everything there is there’s no secrets.
Matthew Hoffman 37:36
That goes the conversation, the willingness to have that trust, and respect goes very deep, because you know, no matter what it is, whether it’s intimacy, or finances or commitment, you can talk about anything, and it’s safe. And when couples feel there’s a safety net under them have that commitment. It really a lot of people think the long term commitment is conscripted, or it’s choking me and I can’t I don’t have I can’t breathe. Really the the commitment and I can relate because my wife and I have this similar commitment. We’re in our 29th year together. It’s freeing because I don’t have to worry. What is she going to think about this? Is she going to judge me if you’re not gonna lovely love me, she’s gonna think I’m weird. Or what if I share my emotion or how I’m feeling or something I’m struggling with? I don’t want to be judged for that. And that’s not even a thought.
Kristy Robinett 38:27
Oh, he still might think I’m weird. And vice versa. Like there’s that there’s no judgement. But there still is a little bit of because I say that at least once a week.
Chuck Robinett 38:36
Oh, yeah.
Kristy Robinett 38:37
This is gonna sound weird, but I think I want to do you know, XYZ.
Chuck Robinett 38:41
And usually, it’s like, alright, that’s fine.
Kristy Robinett 38:44
And that’s trust.
Chuck Robinett 38:45
Right.
Kimberly Hoffman 38:46
Right. And he’s used to the weird best now, so.
Chuck Robinett 38:55
Very much so.
Kristy Robinett 38:56
I mean, within a month of our relationship, you know, talk about trust, commitment, all of that thing. All of those pillars. I work with the police department, and I work on missing cases and murder cases. And I was working on that when I met him. And so one of the things that he kind of had to come along with me is we were traipsing through fields looking for dead people with the bodies. So you know, it takes a special person to say, I’m going to follow her like I am a canine dog looking for a person that had lost their life to put closure for the family. Not everybody would have done that or trusted me or believed in me, or, you know, put up with that. Because that’s weird.
Chuck Robinett 39:47
It’s different. You know, people say, you know, how was your weekend? What do you do over the weekend? Well, we went to Columbus, Ohio, looking for dead bodies, you know, I mean, and they think I’m crazy, but it’s like no, really, we did it. No big deal.
Kimberly Hoffman 40:01
But I’m sure you’ve also seen over the term of your relationship, a lot of the things that Kristy has done and has validated in, you know, while she has been doing it, and so your willingness to be a part of that and help, you know, speaks to her ability and her gift.
Chuck Robinett 40:22
Pretty much so. I would say it probably that has to be, because like she said, How many people would put up with stuff like that? Or in a word, it doesn’t faze me, in the least you know, I believe or whatever. I mean, she could be telling me, Well, we need to do this, or we need to do that. Because my spirit guide says, This is what we need to do. I’m not going to question Oh, when I do, she does do that I do don’t drive this way to the office don’t do this. They’re starting to snow, maybe we shouldn’t drive. You know, normally an accident, something could happen. And that’s not being nervous worrying about that. It’s actually someone or something coming to her and saying, maybe you’d better not do that. It’s not her just worrying saying, Oh, it’s snowing outside, maybe we shouldn’t do it.
Matthew Hoffman 41:06
So I’d love to know, what non negotiable self care practice do you have to have to be happy and fulfilled and functioning the way you’d like to show up? In your relationship? What do you each need, in order to show up best for your partner?
Kristy Robinett 41:26
Can I start?
Chuck Robinett 41:27
You can start that’s fine.
Kristy Robinett 41:28
I need sleep, I need my naps. And I am not myself, I get hangry I get all of those, you know things. But I need sleep. He doesn’t need as much sleep.
Chuck Robinett 41:42
I don’t need it. I can go five, six hours a night, that much sleep and be fine. And it’s always been that way where I never needed as much as he needs.
Kristy Robinett 41:52
What is your non negotiable? What do you need?
Chuck Robinett 41:56
What do I need? In order to please you?
Kristy Robinett 41:59
Well, to make the relationship healthier? Yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 42:02
Show up be your best, to be your best for her?
Kimberly Hoffman 42:05
To feel your best.
Matthew Hoffman 42:06
What’s something that you need, so you can show up and feel and be the best in the relationship?
Kimberly Hoffman 42:12
Yeah, what do you need, Chuck?
Chuck Robinett 42:14
Again, I think it goes back to the understanding, obviously, I have nothing but the most understanding for her, I realized what she does, what she goes through how she is her as a person. So being that I know that I know what to do, what not to do. And again, just being even keeled, just being mellow, I guess more than anything else.
Kristy Robinett 42:41
Now, he was an only child and I was sort of an only child, I have siblings, but they were older, I was so much younger. And I think we both also need alone time. Like we need to decompress. So I can put headphones on. And, you know, write or listen to a podcast, and he needs that time to watch sport or you read it read a comic book or what have you two. And that’s there’s an understanding that we are better if we’re not smothering one another and we don’t feel like that is insensitive to say, hey, I need a timeout.
Kimberly Hoffman 43:20
So your recharging is essentially separate. And then it gives you the energy to be able to come back together and be the best.
Chuck Robinett 43:30
At times, yes.
Kristy Robinett 43:32
We’re typically still together while we’re recharging separately,
Chuck Robinett 43:35
We’ll be under the same roof might be the same room. But yeah.
Kimberly Hoffman 43:45
Right. I love it. Is there anything that we haven’t asked you that we should have asked? Anything any burning thing you want to tell us?
Kristy Robinett 44:01
I will say I am not a mind reader. So the whole you know, the psychic medium thing he he laughs because like, again, we can finish one another sentences. But in any relationship, you still have to communicate. And I say this to my friends all the time. You know, if I call them and I’m like, Hey, how you doing? They’re like, Well, shouldn’t you or is there something wrong? Shouldn’t you know what’s going on? Shouldn’t that and I’m like, No, I’m not a mind reader. That’s not my it’s not a party trick. I don’t do that. So he’s so open to understanding that he does have to talk to me. And it’s not going to be you know me using my spidey senses all the time, because that would be exhausting. If I had to do that and unfair for both of us right to do that.
Matthew Hoffman 44:53
That’s true.
Matthew Hoffman 44:57
Gotcha. Well, you guys have been great If people want to learn more about the robin nets or the work that you guys do together or individually, where should they go find more about you.
Kristy Robinett 45:12
We have two podcasts.
Chuck Robinett 45:13
Yes we do.
Kristy Robinett 45:14
Which ones?
Chuck Robinett 45:14
We have the ‘Robinett’s Nest.’ And
Kristy Robinett 45:20
‘Grave Matters’ where we do a little bit more true crime there. And my website is ‘kristyrobinett.com.’ It is my business. I have been doing intuitive sessions for almost two decades professionally. And I love what I do. I love helping people. I love helping people through their grief processes and relationships as well.
Chuck Robinett 45:44
And me, I have nothing.
Kristy Robinett 45:46
He’s retired.
Chuck Robinett 45:47
I’m retired. I don’t do social media. Everything’s falls to my lovely, lovely wife. Isn’t she amazing, folks?
Kimberly Hoffman 46:01
No, you don’t. I wouldn’t say that. You do nothing you do a lot. In supporting her and yeah, you’re her sidekick, no doubt. Well, thank you so much.
Chuck Robinett 46:15
Yeah, I’m definitely her Ed Norton or Ralph Kramden, for sure.
Kristy Robinett 46:21
Thank you guys so much for having us.
Chuck Robinett 46:23
Yes, thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 46:24
We appreciate you showing up for all the work that you’re doing. Sort of in this same vein, helping people and being in service to others. And your gift using your gift to assist. Just thank you for all of that. We’re grateful.
Matthew Hoffman 46:40
Love to be with you guys today and look forward to more connections in the future.
Kristy Robinett 46:44
Thanks, blessings to you.
Chuck Robinett 46:45
Thank you.
Kristy Robinett 46:45
Thank you