TRANSCRIPT
Blog Post 12
Title:
Couple recap: Nick and Chelsea
Matthew: (00:02)
Welcome to the couples podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who wants to level up their marriage experience. New found, clarity, hope, and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim co-hosts and husband
Kim: (00:16)
In 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty, and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew: (00:29)
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kim: (00:43)
I started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, invite you to pre-order Matthew’s new book, kick husband, winning at life, marriage, and sex. You can get it@matthewehoffman.com. Again, that’s AF offman.com. And now back to the show,
Matthew: (01:08)
We’re excited to be coming to you right now and talking about an interview with a couple Nick ICA, Vela and Chelsea Pizzaiola. They don’t share the same last name because not everybody always does, even when they’re married. Right? But, uh, this is a young couple that are not married yet. So Kim, everybody’s going to want to know or ask the question. Why would we be interviewing a couple that’s not married on the kick-ass couples podcast?
Kim: (01:35)
That’s a great question. They are, um, definitely kick-ass in our eyes, um, because they are a young, um, they’re a young couple who have a terrific relationship who are mature. They just, they get it. They are doing things, um, at an early stage in their relationship that are gonna impact their relationship and its longevity. They’re aware they’re smart. They get it. So, um, they’re kick, my eyes, I think you would agree.
Matthew: (02:14)
Absolutely. And I think what’s cool is that they’re not married, but I could, I’m not putting any pressure on them, but I can certainly see them getting married because they have all the components of a successful relationship. That’s founded on principles and virtues and values and qualities that we see in the 13 pillars that we have certainly in the three CS that we’re going to get into and they are doing so much, right. They, you can tell, I mean, their joy and love and appreciation of each other is so genuine.
Kim: (02:46)
Yeah. They’ve known each other a long time. They were, uh, really friends first and, um, they joke about, um, 20, 20 being a great year for them. Um, certainly it wasn’t a great time for, for humanity, but, um, it was a great time for them to reconnect, to both be back in their home towns and to, um, sort of renew their friendship and their relationship. And so 2020 ended up being an awesome opportunity for Nick and Chelsea.
Matthew: (03:23)
So Kim, I want you to talk a little bit more about that friendship and the foundation of their relationship. Like Y you know, you mentioned kind of some of those points, but why is that important and w how do you think, why does it exist for them?
Kim: (03:36)
Well, I think that, um, they both, uh, are, they both come from backgrounds where family is really super important to them. Um, and they they’ve known each other a long time. They, they love each other’s flaws. They support each other with their goals. Um, they, I mean, having that base friendship first just shows that, um, they cared about each other without a romantic involvement, and that was important to them. And they’ve grown and develop from there
Matthew: (04:16)
That can really get in the way sometimes when in a relationship when you’re infatuated or you’re in love with, or the energy is there. And you’re attracted, you’re immediately thinking about the advanced stages of intimacy and being maybe close physically and all those things that come together between a guy and a girl on dates and dating. You’re kind of romancing from the, from the get-go. And if that base level of friendships not there, it’s gotta be developed sometime in, for kind of the death knell for a lot of relationships is they’ve never truly developed a friendship. They don’t really like hanging out and being with each other without all that other stuff and enjoying each other’s company and the foundation of that relationship. And I think what’s so cool about Nick and Chelsea is that they have that friendship for, so all of the bricks in the foundation of a solid relationship were there and established and friendship before there were any demands of romance.
Matthew: (05:14)
And that certainly has come. And you’ll find out from the full episode, if you look at that, not just listen to the recap and, uh, but that, that foundation of the best friend first, and they both agreed that and acknowledged it, I think right up. And when we kind of dove into and started talking to them more specifically, Chelsea was, came out right away and said, you know, she said, I feel supported and loved by my parents growing up. They, she had an interesting situation. She, her parents got divorced and she said that didn’t necessarily rock their world, her world. She didn’t like it, but her father and her stepfather worked together to make an agreement of how are we going to relate to this young girl that she gets love from both of us. And so they turn what could normally be a negative into a positive. And she thought that that really, she was blessed by that because she had two men in her life that loved her. One was committed to her mom. One was no longer with her mom, but she had a great relationship. So she saw that modeled that compromise, uh, modeled. And we’re going to talk about that with Nick and Chelsea a little bit later, but I think that was neat for Chelsea to share what love looked like growing up and what she experienced from two men, two fathers, and one mother in her life.
Kim: (06:29)
And I think that, um, it’s also important to important to point out that she said they both, um, her mom and dad grew in their faith after they, um, were no longer married. So they had met other people. And, um, they grew in their faith, which they imparted to her, which has been a big part of her development as well.
Matthew: (06:54)
Sure, absolutely. What were some of the things you learned about Nick, about his, we know the ICA Vela family, Nina and pat are Nick’s parents and they’re dear friends of ours and their other son, Jake is the same age as is our son Cole. So we’ve got a relationship there, but it was really neat knowing Nick and seeing him grow up and now talking to him about relationships and seeing that influence, what did you learn about his family?
Kim: (07:18)
Um, you know, we, we, we know them well, as you said, but I think what stands out to Nick is that they were both very supportive. He was heavily, um, involved in baseball and played in college and even thought he might go on to play from there. Um, and you know, his, his mom was there traveling with him, uh, taking him to whatever games dad as well. Um, and so I think he felt, um, I think that he felt that he was very supported, loved, and his, both of his families taught him, um, how important family is. I love that the ICA Vella family sits around, um, a dinner table and meals are the most important time for them because it’s a time when they come together and they, they talk, they enjoy a meal together, and they’re really open with one another,
Matthew: (08:20)
A lot of quality time in Nick’s family and also Chelsea’s and spent over the dinner table and sharing food and talking about the day. And you know, all the support that Nick felt is with two parents that worked full time. So it obviously, you know, there’s so many couples that do it, but his parents both worked full time. His dad in the restaurant business, which I used to be in. And man, that is an unforgiving tough, cruel business. That just really, yeah. Once you’re all your time and yet he was still there and Nick became a great cook too. I love because he learned how to, he worked in the restaurant and his dad passed on that skill and his mom too, and made that part of that family experience and something that we talked about, friendship of Nick and Chelsea. And then we talk about that family time and what they each felt from growing up and what the two of them did so well is they were able to have conversations with each other about what love looked like from their families of origin growing up and how that was going to roll into their own relationship together.
Matthew: (09:20)
And that may sound like something unusual, or maybe it just sounds like it’s a given, but so many couples don’t have that conversation. They don’t sit down and ask those specific questions and say, what did love look like in your family growing up? How did your parents demonstrate commitment? How did they communicate? How did they handle conflicts? Did they resolve them? What did they do? And by asking those questions and digging a little deeper into the three CS, which we think are really the foundation of all good relationships, you’re helping love mapping and understanding, and you’re creating communication, but you’re understanding what your spouse or your partner is bringing to the relationship and what their viewpoint is. And that’s so important if you’re going to be effective and giving them in meeting what they need in the relationship. So if any of our listeners have not had that conversation, this is something that Kim and I have done and do all the time and I’m still learning, but we’ve asked those deliberate questions about what love looked like growing up. How did your parents handle commitment? How did they communicate with each other? So if you haven’t had that, I think, you know, Nick and Chelsea are prime examples. Like a lot of the couples that we’ve talked to who are kick, and they’ve taken the time to ask those questions and build the relationship from the family of origin. And I can’t tell you how important it, just the payoffs. Incredible. Yeah.
Kim: (10:43)
Another thing that they, that they do is that they really try to appreciate, um, there are differences. They, they don’t look at them as being a strain or a challenge. They actually take joy in those differences. And that’s so mature.
Matthew: (10:59)
It is, it is, Nick was able to, uh, talk about what, uh, what TLC brings to him. And she said, you know what, he’s my human Xanax. I remember her saying in the interview, that was a great line. He is Mr. Calm, cool, collected, always looking at the positive. And I’m more up here and going and, and, and on high boil and boiling over. And he comes in and gives that to her. And she brings a lot of excitement and communication. And she is such a relator to so many different people in the work she does as a golfer and the LPGA and as a sports caster and a sponsor. So it was really beautiful to see them expressing gratitude for those differences and knowing that they compliment each other so well.
Kim: (11:43)
And they use that verbiage over and over again in the podcast, we compliment each other so well. Um, and so I feel like that they are, again, light years ahead of where most young couples are in their relationship, um, uh, at their ages. So
Matthew: (12:02)
Yeah, when it comes to creating a kick marriage, do you ever wonder how you’re doing? We found that there are 13 key components that make up a thriving relationship, which is why we’ve created the kick-ass assessment in this powerful free tool. You’ll learn what they are and how you and your spouse are ranking in each one. Then you’ll get recommendations that will help you start moving today, get your results, simply visit Matthew hoff.com. Again, that’s Matthew hoffman.com. It’s time to start kicking. Let’s go. And I think that they had a cool practice, Kim, that we’ve heard this from a lot of our couples. And I think they called it a no noise time to share with everybody what they do and what that means.
Kim: (12:52)
I, I thought that it was really great that they put away all of their, um, devices, social devices, and they go on a walk together. They said that they typically walk across, um, the Sarasota bridge and they do this just about every single morning. And so that is there no noise time. They filter everything else out. They take this walk and they just really talk about their relationship about their hopes about their dreams. Um, and, and, and they talk about, okay, what kind of fun are we going to have? They bring so much fun and excitement to their relationship. And part of it is because they’re really a dynamic duo. Um, but the other part is they know how important that is, um, to have in their relationship.
Matthew: (13:47)
That’s a great example. Um, people take walks, Kim and I ruck together, but making sure we have that disconnect time from everything else, so we can reconnect to each other and getting all the distractions out of the way. Think that one thing that I loved Kim too, in just kind of diving a little deeper with Chelsea is asking her what was important in a relationship. And she talked about some of the other pillars that we have. She talked about trust and honesty is, uh, being really important to her because she said she, I want to feel secure in the relationship and know that it fits. And I don’t want to have to think about is he being honest with me, is he, can I trust him? And she said, that’s not even an issue. And he makes her feel that way by his constant attention and awareness of what she’s going through and meeting her what needs to be met in the moment and that he’s patient with her, uh, her work, her process, her shortcoming.
Matthew: (14:48)
So he recognizes where she is and he’s relaxed with what she does and lets her be her. There’s no guilt. Um, she’s, uh, in, in, in golfing and some of the announcing things she does, there’s a lot of weekends involved, a lot of travel, which can be fun, sometimes nighttime and things that could be taxing on a relationship, but he understands that what brings her joy and that’s her gift and he supportive of it. So it’s not a divider. Uh, it’s something it’s a uniter. And I think she said he loves, she loves his patients and coming together and that she knows how to prioritize her. She is his number one. And she, he tells her, he demonstrates it. She feels it. And daily, she gets that reassurance from him. So there’s never a doubt. And those are some of the roles and the things that are most important. And how Nick kind of fills those gaps for her in the relationship.
Kim: (15:42)
Yeah, I think that, um, one of the things that, um, I appreciated Nick saying, was that anything, um, that they do together, they should both be happy. And I love that because he is not looking at the, um, the me or the, or the, her he’s looking at the we. And so we should both be happy and he use a great example of they’re talking about tuxedos. And, um, they were talking about, he envisioned himself being, uh, in, uh, maybe a blue, a Navy blue tuxedo and,
Matthew: (16:28)
Or a well, a wedding. They
Kim: (16:31)
Didn’t talk specifically that it was their wedding, but he wanted to wear this blue tuxedo. And she said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I got you. I got you. I just envision you in this black tuxedo. And, um, you know, he thought about it. He paused and thought, do I really want to, like, is this important to me? Is it really important to me to wear a, a Navy blue tuxedo? Or can I just wear the black one? And he said, well, I thought I liked black, so, okay. Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll do the black. So I love how he just paused and took a moment to say, um, is this important? Do I really, you know, do, do I really want to dig in here?
Matthew: (17:12)
Right. He said, it wasn’t a battle worth fighting. It wasn’t that important. And he was willing to give in that and have compromise. And he said, you know, compromise right. Is, is the key to success in any good relationship. And then she threw him a little bone. She goes, all right, honey, I’ll let you pick whatever shoes you want. You can wear some really kicking shoes that you like. And, uh, so he still has some say in his wardrobe for that, that wedding event. However, it may be
Kim: (17:37)
Very funny. Well, uh, Nick talked a little bit about, um, his important pillar being, um, faith and that’s really faith in the relationship and lasting love. Um, you know, they had a, well, he talked about, sometimes people go into a relationship and it’s real fiery and it’s just, you know, full on in the beginning only to find out that they’re just, these people are totally wrong for each other. And, um, there really is no potential for lasting love. Um, so he talked about how important that was to him. And he also shared a great story with us that, um, he always knew in his heart that she could be the one. And, um, he had a friend who, uh, asked him, you know, what’s going on with you, what’s going with Chelsea. And I think you’re really into her. And this was years ago, this is not recent. This is years ago. And the friend said, well, let me ask you this. Do you really like, or do you really think there’s potential? Do you really think that, you know, she could be the one? And he said, well, yeah, I really do. I, I, I kind of think that she could be the one and the friend said, we’ll do nothing, stay away, come back to it later because the friend knew that he probably wasn’t really ready for that relationship yet.
Matthew: (19:06)
Wasn’t ready for it to get you. Don’t, don’t mess it up by going too fast, just to get, just to, uh, have short-term pleasure for the long-term damage, right. That it could do.
Kim: (19:15)
I stay away from her. And he said, that was the best advice at that front could have given him because he didn’t pursue a relationship with her at that time.
Matthew: (19:22)
And then they came back to college.
Kim: (19:25)
He, um, you know, played baseball. He did his thing. And then of course, they came full circle, uh, to this point in time where they are now.
Matthew: (19:34)
One of the, one of the things I loved when, uh, when Nick was talking about what’s important to him, and if he could give himself advice at the beginning of the relationship, he said, you know what? You have to have immediate recognition that you need to love and embrace life and all that it has to offer right. In the moment you’re in, he said, it may sound crazy or cliche, but you got to live life to the F when opportunity comes your way, take it and let it go as far as you can and stay in the moment and soak it up because there’s so many great things that people miss, because they’re worried about how it looks, what other people think. And instead of them soaking and living and experiencing the rewording, they’re worried about relating it to somebody else instead of being in it and loving it themselves. And he said, one of the things that ties them together so well is they both have that philosophy about life, about living it, loving it, embracing it, and sharing it with all others that they can.
Kim: (20:36)
Yeah. I love that. Don’t worry about what everybody else is doing. Right. Let’s just be in the moment that we’re in right now and enjoy every bit of this and not be concerned about what other people are thinking or saying or doing for that matter. Yeah. I appreciated also what, um, Chelsea said to us about, um, she spoke about past relationships. You talked about, um, if she had to give herself advice, it would be that understand that it’s going to take, um, some hurt, some pain, some past experience to get to where you land with and that’s to where you come to the point of where you finally meet the one. Right? And so she just said, though, she looked at those as opportunity. Don’t look at it as, oh my gosh, I’m a failure. This is so horrible. Because every step of the way she felt like let her to where she is right now, so that she can appreciate and understand and respect what she has now with Nick.
Matthew: (21:45)
Sure. So everything was kind of preparing and leading her to this relationship. It was kind of a training ground for her to be ready to really be most effective in this relationship. And we talked to them about the concept of spillover thinking as well, and they love it when they can bring friends together. And that their relationship is kind of the reason that they’re able to have other people come together and enjoy not just each other, but a lot of fun, uh, with each other and building, you know, she’s, she talked about, uh, sharing golf with other women and or men. So that’s her, her love and her gift. She’s very good at it. And she loves when she’s able to spill over those talents and have other people benefit them. And I think that Nick feels the same way. They are always looking for those synergistic opportunities where they can bless and help somebody else with their gifts.
Matthew: (22:39)
So these are not too, a lot of people look at millennials or, or, or the younger generation is they’re only in it for them. And they’re doing things that they want, and they’re not focused on others, but this couple is a great example of actively looking to how can we bless others with what we’ve been blessed with. And they know that in doing that, that spills over to other people and they’re loving it. And they’re opening doors and allowing others, uh, in, on the relationship, in, on the giving, in on the loving. And they said, man, if you can, if you can find that, uh, with somebody where you both love to take your gifts and make other’s lives better, that brings them a lot of joy. And so their goodness is just so naturally spilling over to all those other people that are in their life.
Kim: (23:22)
They’re cooking, they’re hosting, they’re having fun. And I love what Nick said. We are winning. This is a house of winners.
Matthew: (23:31)
Yeah. He jokes at half our kids ever bring home a second place, trophy son that goes in the trash. Not, we’re not holding on to that. He was joking, of course. But yeah, they like to win and winning doesn’t mean, uh, necessarily first place the metal, the trophy, but it means doing it right with love and passion and commitment, and they’re doing it, they’re doing it in their careers, doing it with doing it with each other. And it was such a joy to be with them. So if you haven’t heard that episode, definitely a lot of good.
Kim: (24:02)
Yeah. They’re dynamic. They are fun. They are young. If you are, um, a young in a, in a young, uh, kind of just getting started relationship. I recommend this episode, um, for you to listen to. I think that, um, there’s a lot of good, uh, pearls in, in that episode for, for some, for our young listeners. You got it. So, uh, if you want to hear more and if you want to hear some behind the scenes questions that we asked Nick and Chelsea, um, you can go to Matthew P hoffman.com. This is where you will find kick-ass couples nation, and you will be able to, uh, click on and listen to the entire episode, as well as join our membership where you can get exclusive content that Nick and Chelsea shared with us.
Matthew: (25:01)
That’s right. Well, thank you for joining us today for this recap episode with Nick ICA, Vela and Chelsea Pistola, we hope to see you again and have you listening for the kick-ass couples podcast. And remember everybody that happily ever after does not just happen you soon.
Kim: (25:17)
That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the kick-ass couples podcast. If you liked the content of the show, you’ll love Matthew’s upcoming book, kick husband, winning at life marriage insects to receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review in apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in to listen. Then email us a screenshot of your review at podcast at kick-ass couples, podcast.com and we’ll get it over to you right away
Matthew: (25:52)
Until next time. Remember happily ever after it doesn’t just happen, gets on purpose.