TRANSCRIPT
Matthew: (00:01)
Welcome to the kick couples podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who want to level up their marriage experience, newfound, clarity, hope, and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim co-host and husband and
Kim: (00:16)
Wife in 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be a as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty, and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew: (00:28)
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your
Kim: (00:42)
Relationship. And now let’s dive into today’s episode. We’re
Trish: (00:46)
Really known for being touchy, sitting close on the couch. our kids probably think we’re crazy.
Vinnie: (00:54)
Um, probably most of I’m gonna say probably nine. All of the conflict in our relationship probably been from
Trish: (01:03)
Me. Um, I think in our marriage, we find great appreciation for each other.
Vinnie: (01:09)
You have to have
Trish: (01:11)
Love. That’s what works is you have to be in it together forever.
Matthew: (01:16)
The greatest predictors of divorce or a relationship falling apart. It’s when spouses not accept, influence from each other, not willing to right, the
Kim: (01:26)
Best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, invite you to pre-order Matthew’s new book, kick husband, winning at life, marriage, and sex. You can get it@matthewehoffman.com. Again, that’s Matthew Hoffman do come and now back to the show. So I’m super excited to be able to welcome my very special. So I’m super excited to be able to welcome my very special and dear friends, Trish and Vinnie beyond DeLeT. These are my childhood friends, so I’m really excited it about today’s episode. Um, Vinnie is the very best fishing, uh, charter captain out of the Florida keys. And so, um, affectionately known as captain Vinnie. Thank you, um, for our family. So, um, and, uh, Trish grown up with Trish since grade school in and, um, Trish is, has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and she works at the high school and she’s been at administration and even teaching some vocational courses there as well. So welcome to both of you, super excited to have you here on our podcast. Thank you today. We’re
Matthew: (02:43)
Grateful to have you and you guys, you guys, you guys know why you’re, you were asked to be on the podcast, right? No, it, it, no, no, I no. 37 years. 37 years of marriage, right. Is why. Yeah. That’s right. Yeah.
Vinnie: (02:59)
And
Matthew: (02:59)
You guys, July 1st, July 1st, 37 years. And you guys three boys, three boys, two grandchildren, two grandchildren, one on one on the way. Yeah. Another one on the way. And maybe a third child, uh, a third marriage in the making we hear maybe I hope so hope so. Fingers are crossed. I hope so. And, and I mean, and what I know about your relationship, that you’re still in love. You guys have a wonderful time together and I see the smile and the joy and the magic between the two of you every time we’re together. And it makes my heart smile because thank you. We, we love to be with you. Not only because you’re fantastic people, but you guys have a killer kick relationship. And so that’s gonna lead us right into our first question, which Kim is gonna ask you. So
Kim: (03:44)
What makes you a kick couple? And either of you can take that question, whoever’s most comfortable with it, but I really do wanna hear from both of you, because what one may say the other may, um, have a, a little bit of a different, uh, a different reply. So what makes you guys a kick couple other than 37 years of marriage?
Vinnie: (04:08)
Go ahead. You want me do it or no? You want me to, I’m happy to,
Trish: (04:11)
Okay, go ahead. Um, I think in our marriage we find great appreciation for each other. And I learned for, from a young age that Vinny was always secure for me and that he always supported everything that I needed or wanted. And I think that having appreciation for each other leads to a stronger commitment to each other and wanting to do good things and sharing those things.
Kim: (04:42)
Awesome. Yes. How about you, Vinnie? Do you have any, anything to add to that?
Vinnie: (04:48)
Well, I would say that, uh, you know, from a very young age, obviously we’ve been together, so she’s had my heart. So, so anything that makes me feel comfortable with her sweet yeah. Um, you know, we just find joy in each other and try to make things work together. Mm-hmm so
Kim: (05:17)
Absolutely. Sometimes it’s just the day to day things. Right. That add up to the it’s not all, all the big things. It’s just all the little things that make you feel appreciated and secure.
Trish: (05:28)
Yeah. That’s for sure.
Matthew: (05:30)
Yeah. Well, it’s been 37 years. I know. And you know, we’re gonna to go forward. Sometimes you have to go back. And so what we want to talk about next is you guys each to think about, what did love look like? Like when you were growing up, you know, Kim often says, she says, you know, grandpa is in our bones, right. And the way you experience love in your families growing up mm-hmm is kind of what you bring to a marriage to your relationship, because you have ideas of what love should be, right. Or maybe of what it shouldn’t be. And those experiences that you got in each of your family. So maybe, um, Trish, if you would start off by telling us when you were growing up, what did love look like in your family? How did you see your parents, uh, demonstrating that to each other and to you?
Trish: (06:15)
Well, Vinnie and I grew up in very different style households, which I think we bring the best of both of those things. Um, mine was a little more difficult. I lost my dad at the age of eight and I moved to the Florida keys. And I couldn’t imagine why they were taking me so far from my home in the Queens, New York mm-hmm to the Florida keys. And so my mom had met somebody and moved down here with a stepfather who was not easy to live with. And he was, uh, very hard on me, um, abusive in many ways. And I feel that through what I had to endure made me the person I am in the way that I protect my children. And I’ve never talked down to my kids because that’s all I ever knew was being battered down. Even though I was a good kid, it was never good enough.
Trish: (07:09)
And through all of that and all of high school VI, he never left my side mm-hmm and he knew my struggles. And I thought, why does he stay with me? There was never an easy day. And there was, he’s such a great person, but he never left my side and it’s difficult. And it’s challenging. I always had him and that’s my security. Sure. I know my mom loved me, but I feel like sometimes people and so love in my house was it wasn’t really there. It was more of a hostile environment. And, um, it’s hard to talk about, but I feel like I’m lucky because without those things, I wouldn’t be the person I am. And I was always able to move forward from that. And sometimes being young and finding somebody, God didn’t give me my first baby by accident. I had already, I grew up with four brothers, the middle child, all I knew was taking care of my younger. And I knew I would be a good mom. So when that came upon us in our relationship, it was a gift from God. And we’re thankful every day for that. So that’s my childhood. Absolutely. But I got to live in his because we were so young so he can share have,
Matthew: (08:41)
Go ahead. So what did that look like for you? Vinnie? For
Vinnie: (08:44)
Me, um, you know, I had awesome parents, awesome childhood. You know, my, my parents were married for 52 years before my dad passed away. Wow. Um, you know, we grew up with, you know, family dinners. Yeah. Sundays were family day, you know, probably everything a lot of people would love to have. Yeah. And, you know, just knew that my parents loved each other and I learned a lot from that. So. Sure.
Matthew: (09:24)
Do you remember anything specific Vinnie that you saw between your parents? Like how did they express love to E what did, how did they express it to each other? How do you remember that?
Vinnie: (09:32)
You know what they were, you know, sometimes you can just, you watch people and just the way they looked at each other, mm-hmm, , you know, the way they smiled when they passed each other, you know, it’s just, they were always having a good time and always making sure that yeah. That, uh, everybody around them was having a nice time. They, uh, real role models. For sure.
Trish: (10:00)
I’d like to add to that. Sure. So I was blessed enough to be at a lot of those Sunday dinners and his family accepted me as their family. Um, and the one thing I loved is, you know, they always called each other hun, hun, hun. And they would always know matter what hun we’re in this together, we got this and it was like, that’s what works is you have to be in it together forever and you have to set those role models. So I was blessed enough to be a part of the beyond a lady, family, which made up for anything that I had to endure. Sure.
Kim: (10:36)
So first of all, I wanted to say that you’re not just a good mother. You’re a great mother. ,
Trish: (10:41)
You’re a great
Kim: (10:42)
Mother. And you, you took so much of that history and you made good out of it. You created what you wanted to have in a relationship with someone. And you know, it, it’s those things that, that we endure sometimes, and that change us and make us grow into being better people. And, um, I, I, I think you can either go in a positive direction or you can go in a negative direction with it. Right. And you chose to rise up and, and to be seen and to, um, live a different life for, with you and your children.
Trish: (11:25)
Yeah. I know. I would never have that lifestyle.
Kim: (11:28)
So thank you for being open and vulnerable. I know there are a lot of people out there Trish, that can relate to exactly what you’re saying. Mm-hmm . And so I’m grateful for your, your vulnerable, and it
Matthew: (11:39)
Shows the strength of your character, Trish, that you were able to take something that you didn’t like and didn’t want and use it for. Good. Right. That’s that’s,
Trish: (11:47)
That’s what life, every single day of my life. Wow. Yeah.
Vinnie: (11:51)
Yeah. You say that all the time.
Matthew: (11:53)
Absolutely. So, yeah, we appreciate you sharing that and it lets people know, it doesn’t matter. You know, Vinny had a great circumstance that he loved and he brings that love and that example and that warmth to you and to your children, your family, and obviously all your friends. Right. And you had something that wasn’t the same, but you still used it for, and look what you’ve been able to do in 37 years for each other and for your family. So our hats off to both of you for, for, that’s hard to take those two realities and mix ’em together and, and make something great. Right. Bake that great cake with ingredients that you might not think sure. Go
Kim: (12:29)
Together. Yeah. Right. Because I think there are things that you have to work through. Right. Right. When you bring those two different things to a relationship, you have to learn how to work with each other. Sure.
Matthew: (12:41)
So we’re gonna shift gears a little bit and we’re gonna go into the, what we call the three CS. And I don’t know if y’all remember, we sent you something that has the 13 pillars yes. Of what we talk about. And the three CS that we like to focus on and all of our podcasts are commitment, communication and conflict resolution. And so, um, Trish, I I’d love to hear from you and then Vinny, you can chime in after again, Trish, tell me what commitment looks like in your relationship. You guys spoke about a little bit when you said he’s there from me. He’s got me. No. What, but talk to me about how commitment has shown up the last 37 years for you guys.
Trish: (13:19)
Well, it’s really been 41 cause we’ve been together. Oh,
Kim: (13:23)
I know I was
Trish: (13:24)
13 years,
Vinnie: (13:24)
14 young,
Trish: (13:27)
But even all through our high school years, we were always committed to each other. I think we, we enjoy being around each other and we bring out the best in each other. And um, like I said, Vinny’s very secure for me and we just always have felt a very strong connection. And I think that’s always led to a very strong commitment of love.
Vinnie: (13:53)
Right. I, I agree. We, you know, obviously when you’re, when you, when you’re little, you have, you know, little boyfriends or girlfriend crushes, you know, but when you find the person and you look at ’em that, you know, I don’t care if you’re or 13 or 14 or 37, doesn’t matter when you find that person that takes your heart, you’re committed. And I think we found it early and for me, uh, you know, that’s where I knew I was committed for a long time. Forever. Forever. apparently . Yeah. There’s no outs, but no, there’s no outs. No,
Kim: (14:45)
You guys don’t have a plan B
Trish: (14:47)
No, we’ve never considered an out yet. No, we’ve always been happy. No,
Vinnie: (14:51)
We’re good.
Trish: (14:52)
Yeah. Thank goodness. We’re good. But that’s never been a thought consideration or conversation. Yeah. It’s not an option. We’ve you, you work hard and you come far and raise children and you wanna be the best of change.
Vinnie: (15:04)
It’s not easy. Life’s not easy, you know, it’s every there’s challenges every day and you know, we just seem to work through. Yeah. We’ve worked through, we commit to our everyday time and, you know, relationships. So mm-hmm, , we’re good with that. Yeah.
Kim: (15:23)
So I’m curious. Um, how do you communicate with each other when you are? I know that, you know, you went through having children now you have grandchildren. Um, and that’s a lot of peaks and valleys over a lot of years. So how did you all communicate and, um, really work with each other?
Trish: (15:52)
You
Kim: (15:53)
Me, yeah, go ahead. Benny.
Vinnie: (15:55)
well,
Kim: (15:57)
I mean, what stands out to you in, in your communication style and how you really interact with each other?
Vinnie: (16:04)
Honestly, probably my communication skills are, are not that great, but uh, you know, we, you just work with each other, you know, if something’s on your mind, you just, you know, just say it, you know, it’s, we’re secure enough in each other’s mm-hmm , you know, in our relationship, obviously that you can’t, you can’t say anything that, you know, we can’t endure, you know, we’re gonna get through whatever. So , you know, we just talk about things like, uh, where we’ve been, what we’ve, what we’ve trying to accomplish and where we want to go. And we’re, we’re good with that.
Trish: (16:47)
We are communication to me. I found through all the years, especially raising the boys was we both always wanted to be with our kids, like together first, but every moment with our kids. So he would rush home from fishing to sit with me in the pickup line with the kids. And I thought, no, I can go. But no, every day he could be there to pick them up at the pickup line, which you know, could be time waiting. Yeah. You gave us time to talk. Like that’s where you talk. You don’t, you know, you’re cautious of what you ever talk about in front of your kids, just to be a good role model. But you always had that time in the car time in the boat, walks around the neighborhood. Like, I think that’s our strongest communication as far as like really being able to, to touch on anything that we wanna speak about privately. Right. So, and dinners, we are big on family dinner, every night communication at the table. Um, I think that’s what teaches our kids. Yeah. And to talk about how their days were, how our days were. And so I think that led to good
Matthew: (17:53)
Communication. I was like some good opportunities, good family time. You talk about, you know, what I hear you saying is you guys made it work. If it was the pickup line at carpool for your kids, right. Or a walk around the neighborhood at night or, or on the boat, because you wanted to be. And I know sometimes it had to be, and I know Trish, you were maybe even working, whether you’re pulling a trap up right. Lobster or a, or a crab trap up, you know, so doing, doing what you had to do, but making sure you had those times to connect right.
Trish: (18:24)
To build, build that time in.
Matthew: (18:26)
Sure. So you, you made sure you, you were committed to build a it in, was there, so it was easy for you to find those. Did you ever have a time where you felt that you weren’t able to have good communication or there was things that got in the way, like anything that tripped you guys up that you had to figure out?
Trish: (18:44)
Well, you know, Vinny built a great business and in order to build a business, you can’t turn away a fishing trip. So whether it’s a morning, an afternoon or a night or all three in one day, that’s what he had to do. You know, you’re building a business. So there were many, many, many nights and days that the kids didn’t see any. So there was not a lot of communication. And during the busy season, that could be, he could fish few days in a row. So I would take the kids down to the dock we’d visit for 30 minutes, just so they could remember what he looked like. he was upset cuz they would be asleep when he went to work and asleep when they came home from work. So those were challenging times, but like I said, I load them up. We would go down before a ball game, visit with him and you know, getting all the hugs and love and um, but we work through it. Like I understood what he was trying to do. And in order to, you know, build a household and travel and do things you have to work. So I appreciate his hard work and dedication and never, it never angered me, but it was more work to get down there to see him and to communicate for the kids too. Sure.
Kim: (19:57)
And that had to be hard for you Vinny to just have very limited time with the boys and with Trish, tell me a little bit about how that affected you.
Vinnie: (20:07)
Well, you know, obviously you wanna do the right thing mm-hmm and uh, showing the kids that, you know, hard work, you know, pays off and having a mother that is there for them all the time mm-hmm and her bringing ’em to the dock or me rushing home to get to the, to the pickup line so that we can sit in a car together and talk, but them getting in the car, you know, just making that extra effort, you know, that’s they see, they see that and they, they learn from that. And I think, you know, our boys are all grown now and have families of their own. So, you know, they’ve learned, I think they’ve learned. Yeah. From what we example, the example we’ve created and you know sure. Yeah.
Matthew: (21:03)
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Kim: (21:42)
After communication. Our last C is conflict resolution. And we know that when we have, um, 37 years of marriage that again, peaks and valleys and sometimes those valleys can run pretty deep and there’s gonna be conflict, right. There’s gonna be conflict. How do you resolve conflict when something gets and, and maybe there’s a time that something got super heated. How do you, how do you approach that and what do you do to, to resolve conflict when it arises?
Vinnie: (22:16)
Well, I have to, I have to truly be honest about this. Go ahead. I don’t and it it’s, I don’t know if it’s, I don’t wanna say it’s embarrassing, but it’s not, it’s not for me. I don’t think we’ve really ever raised our voice at each other. So we don’t fly off the handle. We don’t scream and ill. We, you know, we’re pretty calm people. So yeah, we are probably most of I’m gonna say probably 90, all of the conflict in our relationship probably been from me. Aw. Right. When you agree with that, just say yes. And then, um, okay. You know, we work things out. I, I probably get quiet, she gets quiet and we probably sit on it for a day or two. Yeah. And we come together, you know, before we really speak about it.
Trish: (23:24)
Yeah. I think so. Wouldn’t you agree? Yeah. I think that he’s truthfully right. And it is hard to say that we haven’t really had terrible times and we do not raise our voices to each other. Um, if anything ever happens, it’s probably the female. Who’s more sensitive to how something was said and how maybe I received it. and so I would tend, I tend to clam up and that’s something I’m working on. And well I’ve always been working on is to kind of address it when something bothers me, cuz he doesn’t always know that what he said or how he said it maybe hurt my feelings. Right. But, um, um, we tend to, like he said, give it a little bit of time. We usually visit these things when we go to bed and we have quiet time, no interruption. And can say, look, I just wanna let you know that, like maybe you didn’t realize this, but it hurt my feelings.
Trish: (24:23)
And um, and they’re probably pretty silly things because you know, women we’re, you know, emotional sometimes. And like I said, I had four brothers, three sons and a husband without my girlfriends. That’s a lot of men in your life. It’s a lot of men in my life. So for some reason, you know, they have their own way. But sometimes I think maybe they forget that maybe you’re girl mom’s a, I’m a girl. Yeah. And maybe I’m a little sensitive towards how something was said or, and I might just take it a little harder, but I think in our bedtime is, uh, when we spend time resolving and talking about it and uh, it’s not easy cuz sometimes I tend to press down and I don’t know if that’s from my childhood where I didn’t speak of things. Um, so it’s a work in progress, but we, we resolve it by talking it out and um, it’s worked for us.
Matthew: (25:20)
So I want to ask you, so you guys both said that we’re both pretty calm and quiet and there’s not been, you know, these knockdown drag outs, screaming, Boze is crashing. We’re boring. Well, we’re boring and that’s, and that’s okay. We’re not looking for the juicy sorted story, but I, my, my, so I’m a little curious, is that because you feel, that’s just how the two of you are as individuals or do you feel that you guys either talked it that, or worked it out as to this is how you’re gonna pro so where does that nature come from? Is it individual or was it an agreement or collective how’d you guys get there?
Vinnie: (25:53)
You know, you know, obviously my, my parents were, you know, I had two parents in my household, my whole entire life. They were fantastic. They had an argument I never knew about, about it. And knowing that her household was a little more, you know, if you said something you might have got yelled at mm-hmm , you know, so knowing that and knowing how she felt about that and wanting to change that I’m not gonna be screaming and yelling and you know yeah. Taking conflict. Sure. Because she doesn’t want that. And I don’t want that. I didn’t grow up like that, so right. You’re not gonna, you know, I felt like we’re not going to, we’re not gonna have this and do it. Mm-hmm cause it’s not,
Trish: (26:45)
I don’t feel like it’s our makeup. We’re not angry people. No, we’re happy people. And I think we just bring the best of that. Not to say you don’t have an off day, a sad day, you know, like I said, I’m a girl I’m emotional and it seems like he knows. We like that. Um, yeah, he knows is when to let me have my emotional times, you know, I lost my mom, like many people and it’s, it’s been difficult for me every day. And some days you can find me in my bedroom floor crying and he knows when to touch when to give me space. And I think we feed off of that from each other. And I appreciate because sometimes you really just need alone time. So I don’t know if it’s just that we are so considerate. I don’t know. We really never had any great challenges. well, I
Kim: (27:33)
Feel like, I feel like I hear you saying Vinny that you, you understand Trish and you know what those triggers are. Oh yeah. And you know that any raising of your voice or, um, talking down to her is really gonna trigger some ugly stuff for her. And so yeah. Why you, why go there? Um,
Vinnie: (27:56)
Right. Why go there? It’s not who I am
Kim: (27:58)
That you’re aware.
Vinnie: (27:59)
Yeah. Right. It’s not who I am and, and it, you know, she doesn’t need that. She grew up with that. Her brothers grew up with that, so yeah. Why that’s not even,
Trish: (28:11)
Well, we don’t want that pattern in our life. Yeah. And we knew from early on, I mean, we did talk early on, even though we were young, we knew where we came from. I probably taught Vinnie about, um, resolving things with our family, with our kids and talking things out because I would never live in a household like I had. So I think that from, from my background and his, we were able to come up with what our plan would be for our kids, which would be protecting them and keep keeping them close by us. Sure. And never letting them be harmed. Sure.
Matthew: (28:49)
Well I think, and Vinnie, I mean, Kim nailed it on the head is, you know, why step on a landmine, if you know, it’s a landmine. right. right. I mean, that’s, that’s just as insanity, right? Oh, I’m gonna get hurt. I’m gonna do it anyway. Or it’s hurt. Yeah.
Vinnie: (29:02)
Don’t wanna hurt her
Matthew: (29:03)
Feelings. Well, and that’s a, and that a beautiful that’s like that’s commitment, right? Yeah. That’s also great communication because you’re saying, I know what she needs. I know what she doesn’t need. And I that’s you saying I’m gonna work to give it to her because I love her. Yeah. And I’m committed and that’s, that’s be, that’s beautiful. And, and I think that’s, that’s, uh, that’s great. And it’s a great example. That’s what, that’s what kick couples do is they, they, they take those things and apply ’em and it’s a beautiful example of supplying that need, because it’s not, it’s not giving, it’s not about you giving her what you want to give her. It’s about you knowing what she needs and giving her what she needs. And that’s a great Seesaw swinging back and forth in your relationship. And so I wanna just label it because I wanna make sure you guys know that it’s apparent to others looking in. And as you talk about the dynamics of the relat, that’s what we see being played out. And that’s a beautiful thing. And that’s what successful couples do. Yeah. And that’s a great example of it. And you
Kim: (30:11)
Guys got that. You got that early on. I mean, you can ask Matthew, I’m just getting good at communicating. In my later years, I could go from zero to 60 really fast. Yes.
Matthew: (30:24)
We’re all works. You’re way ahead of us. We’re all works in progress. Absolutely. We
Trish: (30:28)
Gotta work every day. Yeah. Work together out
Kim: (30:32)
Well. So those are three of our 13 pillars and we believe that those are the most important. They’re really foundational in a successful early. Um, we have 10 more and I think you have the list of the 13 pillars. Do you have the, do you have the list
Matthew: (30:50)
I can run through ’em so I’m gonna, yeah. I’m gonna run through ’em for you guys. As I say these things, I, uh, if you guys will each think about, so we talked about three important ones and those are all important. And we, we think there others are too, as I say these out, I want you guys to pick one that you think is important or important to you, and then you can talk about that. Okay. Okay. The fourth pillar is trust and honesty. The fifth is patience. The sixth is intimacy. The seventh is lasting love. The eighth is selflessness. Then we have unity, then servant leadership, then faith or moral code, then appreciation and security. So, and I can read those again and go to him. So Trish, as you hear me read those things out, which one of those really pops out at you or do you feel is important to you or your relationship or, or for a relationship to work? Well,
Trish: (31:57)
Well, what jumps out to me is intimacy because I feel like that’s the greatest connection that, that we can share. And we’re really known for being touchy, sitting close on the couch. our kids probably think we’re crazy. um, I feel like being intimate and touching, um, all night long, there’s a foot on him or foot on me. It just feels good. It feels right. I like to be touched and loved. And um, I think it’s really important. I think it’s the foundation. I mean, everything is important in a relationship, but I think you should wanna connect and touch and be close. And that makes me feel good. We’ve seem to always have that too. We like it.
Kim: (32:48)
How about you? Vinnie does one of those,
Vinnie: (32:51)
You know what I’m gonna have? I’m gonna have to be honest. Could you, could you repeat? Yeah, of course there was one there that, that I thought about, and
Matthew: (32:59)
Then I got distracted. You.
Vinnie: (33:01)
I distracted. Yes. I was distracted squirrel. All right.
Matthew: (33:04)
I’m gonna read through ’em again, go trust and honesty. Patience, intimacy, lasting, love, selflessness, unity, servant leadership, faith and moral code appreciation and security.
Vinnie: (33:24)
Okay. So when you, as soon as you, as soon as you said, selflessness, what came to my mind was my wife. She’s, she’s selfless. She thinks of everybody before herself. You know, she puts, you know, she’s, she’s, you know, always thinking of others first, you know, she’s selfless she’s she puts everybody first. That’s the only way I can describe it. Um, family, me, what we’re doing. Um,
Matthew: (33:58)
What impact has it had on your relationship? Benny, her selflessness, uh, you
Vinnie: (34:03)
Know what I, I learned from that, it’s like, you look at her and you go, oh my gosh, how, how are you doing that? You know, how can you, how can you just keep going and giving it to me? It’s, you know, she bounces around from one project to the next, constantly doing things for people. And I just look at her and I’m like, wow, how
Trish: (34:24)
Are you doing that? But you’re always helping me. Well, I
Vinnie: (34:27)
Try to help help me. I try to help. No, but, but you’re the, you’re the power behind it. So it’s, you know, you go from one thing to the next. I
Trish: (34:35)
Probably come up with ideas, but he’s so supportive. I do a lot of community service and service at my school for students that are very important to me, cuz there’s so many people that are underprivileged or need help. And so I do put them first, you’re selfless. And, but you help me, you load the car. He
Vinnie: (34:52)
Does. I mean, it’s not the
Trish: (34:54)
All through COVID we dropped gift cards in mailboxes and he drove me from 1 0 6 to my marker 70. And I’m like, you don’t no I’m going. And so we sharing it together. I get it. It’s my idea. Like, yeah. But, but you help
Kim: (35:08)
Execute. You help execute.
Trish: (35:10)
Yeah. Yeah. But, and you’re there to support it, which is nice. Yeah.
Matthew: (35:14)
And what I hear coming out too, is servant leadership. So she’s selfless and trying to provide service and then Vinny you’re there right along with her. Doesn’t matter whose idea it is. Right. But you’re doing it together, which leads to another pillar, which is unity. So it’s crazy. They’re all how they’re all, how they all come together. But I love the fact that you, it sounds like also Vinnie that you’re saying she motivates you to be more selfless because you’re like, oh absolutely. She’s a great, she’s a great example for you. And, and here, here’s another thing that’s going on there that you guys, it’s not one of our pillars, but it does kind of fall in there and it’s accepting influence, right? Well, if couples, so there’s a guy named John, Dr. John Gottman, and one of the are predictors of the greatest predictors of divorce or a relationship falling apart is when spouses cannot accept, influence from each other, not willing to. Right. Mm-hmm and you, what you just talked about and through your, your, uh, talking about selflessness and servant leadership is you guys are willing to accept influence from each other. That means one, somebody takes the lead and you’re fine with that. And the other one takes a lead. You’re fine with that too. Absolutely. And, and, and that’s, that’s really critical. And, and I, and I see you demonstrate that that’s another great kudos and fun to see you guys demonstrate that.
Kim: (36:32)
Yeah. so we, we believe that when you have an incredible marriage, like the two of you do when your masters at, or kick, I should say at being a couple, um, you can’t help, but have that spill over into other things that you do into the, into other things that are happening in your life, we call that sort of spill over thinking, how has the success of your relationship spilled over into other things in your life? Can you give me some examples?
Trish: (37:08)
I guess I go back to commitment and I think it spills over to friendship and commitment with my friends that are so important in my life. And even when you don’t talk to them frequently, when you, do you feel like you never left off and, um, I think being a committed friend and, um, sharing yourself with people, which cuz I learn from my friends, um, I think is a way that maybe we spill over to, um, keeping connections when it’s not always easy, you know, and distance is hard, but we make that a priority. So I think that’s important. Right.
Vinnie: (37:55)
I, you know, for me, you know, I’m pretty much, uh, you know, I go to work, do my thing. She supports me a hundred percent, keeps everything running. Yeah. And I just, which it is totally appreciated. And so when I come home, I wanna make sure that I can jump in and give a hand, end out wherever it’s needed. Mm-hmm , you know, it’s, it’s a team teamwork, you know, she’s supporting me when I’m not here. She’s keeping everything going. So when I come home, I gotta be committed to, you know, jumping in and, and you know, taking out the trash or cooking because right. She’s had a busy day. So, you know, we work it out like that. We’re, we’re a good team.
Trish: (38:46)
Yeah. I think it spills over to your relationships with your customers too. Cause you share with your, he shares with his customers a lot. They’re always interested in our family and how things are doing and how are the boys? And they’ve grown up with our kids coming to the dock. So I think for Vinny, he spends a lot of time communicating with people and they’re very interested in our family and most, you know, a lot of the people he fished with don’t come back with the same wife and , it’s hard over the years to see people and you know, have difficulties in their marriage. But they’re still very interested in ours, which is nice. Cuz he’s always happy to share about and his customers will call and say, oh my gosh, all he does is talk about you. I’m like, I’m sorry they said, you know what? He’s happy. And I go, that’s makes me happy. That’s right. Yeah.
Matthew: (39:36)
That’s nice that goodness spills over from your relationship to his business. And I’m sure there’s a big reason why he’s so successful. Yeah. He’s happy, confident, fulfilled, stable. Right? All, all that good stuff. That’s that’s
Trish: (39:47)
Great. Absolutely. I think people wanna be around secure, happy people. So I think that he’s done a good job. His business.
Matthew: (39:55)
Right? One more question here guys. Coming back Vinnie. If you had to go back to your Premar self, I know you guys were dating at 1314, but I’m telling, okay, you’re going before years old before you got married, you’re put your hands on the shoulders of yourself. And you’re gonna say this one thing is what you gotta know or you gotta, what advice would you give to your Premar self before embarking on the journey that you’ve
Vinnie: (40:22)
Come on? I I’m, I, I feel incredibly fortunate for obviously our relationship and, and the things that we’ve have have. And, but um, this, this last couple, this last week I heard at a couple different people say this, you have to have love. And if you have love, I think everything else just kind of falls in place. So if I had to go back to that, you know, Premar itself, I would say, make sure that you have love because it’s, you know, it really is the most important thing. If you love somebody wholeheartedly, everything else will work itself out. So, you know, I didn’t know that when I was young GU, but now it’s the foundation love, you know, you have to, you have to have love, love, and, and you having love with your wife, your kids see that everybody sees that and it just makes everything better. So that’s what I would give a, a young me. Tell me, make sure you have love. Beautiful.
Matthew: (41:39)
Thank you. All right, Trish, what would you tell that Premar Trish. Yeah.
Vinnie: (41:45)
Ron.
Trish: (41:52)
That was great. Yeah. Um, I would probably tell myself to, um, be stronger in communication. I think that holding it in for me, um, makes things, makes it difficult for me instead of just sharing. And even though we all need some time to figure things out, I feel like maybe if I didn’t hold on to things. Um, and I think from an earlier age, cuz I think communication is where a lot of marriages struggle, you know? And I think ha if I would’ve been able to tell myself something, I think I would say don’t be afraid to share your feelings and to communicate them. And I think that’s what I would tell myself.
Vinnie: (42:42)
Beautiful.
Matthew: (42:43)
Great. Well, we are so grateful to have had the two of you today to share a little bit of your history. We we’d love to know captain Vinny. We know tr doesn’t want you fishing 365 days a year. No, but if people wanna find you and learn more and experience the magic of back country fishing with captain Vinny, how would they do that? How
Vinnie: (43:05)
Would they do that? How do they find, how do they find it? Facebook, Facebook, Vinnie beyond the or Instagram captain underscore Vinnie beyond the li that’s where you find me. I, you know, I’m not technologically advanced, so that’s the best I can tell you. That’s great. That’s great. Google, Google me. There you go.
Matthew: (43:29)
You can Google. And I’m gonna spell that because it took me a few years to get it BI. Oh N D O L E TT. I beyond Alet I think there’s only one probably captain beyond Alet in the Florida keys. Am I right? That mm-hmm only one. There’s only one Vinny. He’s only one captain. Ya. Sure. So that’s how we find you and Trish you’re you’re still, you’re working at the high school, still giving and volunteering and helping kids in high school.
Trish: (43:53)
Yeah. I love it there. I love the kids. They’re
Vinnie: (43:57)
Amazing. Yep. Yep. We hear about them all the time.
Trish: (44:00)
Yeah. Yeah. He warned me early on that. I couldn’t bring them home so you, that was an agreement. He said, I know it’s gonna pull your heart, but you can’t bring them home. So I hope by that, but I help a lot of kids at school and I love that. That’s
Vinnie: (44:20)
Wonderful.
Kim: (44:21)
Well, thank you both. So, oh, so much from the bottom of our hearts, we are so excited
Vinnie: (44:28)
That we can’t wait till we get the opportunity
Trish: (44:31)
Interview you. Yeah. Oh
Matthew: (44:32)
Yeah. I love it. Is the, is the when’s the podcast starting guys like said no, we’ll be first. Yeah. Promise.
Trish: (44:40)
No, congratulations. You love, oh, this is awesome. What you’re doing and helping other people and sharing stories and building strength and relationship is, is what it’s about. So that’s really a great thing you’re doing
Matthew: (44:51)
So glad to have you guys say thanks again.
Kim: (44:52)
Thank you very much care guys.
Matthew: (44:55)
Is the, when’s the podcast starting guys. Let us know. We’ll be first.
Trish: (44:59)
Yeah. Promise. No, congratulations. Oh, this is awesome. What you’re doing and helping other people and sharing stories and building strength and relationship is, is what it’s about. So that’s really a great thing to do so glad
Matthew: (45:12)
To have you guys today.
Kim: (45:12)
Thanks again. Thank you very much. Take care guys. Right. Bye bye. Bye. That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the kick couples podcast. If you like the content of this show, you’ll love Matthew’s upcoming book, kick husband, winning at life marriage insects to receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review and apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into.