Sam and Jose: From Best Friends to Newlyweds, Ep. 56 Sam Clo…
Sat, 5/28 12:56PM 49:41
relationship, jose, sam, feeling, kickass, stressed, candid, life, couples, commitment, support, thinking, couple, conversation, person, world, conflict, prioritizing, goals, people
Kimberly Hoffman, Jose Cabranes, Matthew Hoffman, Sam Cloward
Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the Kickass Couples Podcast. This is the place where we help many couples who want to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim, co-hosts and husband and wife.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real-life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:42
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, â€œKickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex.â€ You can get it at www.amazon.com or visit Matthew’s website, www.matthewphoffman.com Again, that’s www.amazon.com or www.matthewphoffman.com. And now back to the show. Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. Today we’re excited to bring to you an amazing couple Sam Cloward and Jose Cabranes. Sam and Jose are happily married and devoted dog dads living in Central Florida. They are co- owners of their own business. J. Cabranes Photography. This fun loving duo love to travel and explore. Both Sam and Jose were inspired by their teachers to be living examples of love, kindness and compassion. Together they show the world what a happily married gay couple can look like. Catch their adventures through their vlog Welcome to Sam Jose, and on their Instagram and YouTube channels. Tune in as we discover why these best friends and newlyweds are passionate about bringing sunshine into other’s lives. Join us as we explore what inspires them to empower their community of fans by showcasing their love in an ever changing and dynamic world.
Matthew Hoffman 02:13
We are so excited to welcome Sam Cloward and Jose Cabranes. today. Thank you for joining us
on the Kickass Couples Podcast.
Jose Cabranes 02:22 Thank you for having us.
Matthew Hoffman 02:23
And you guys are actually in our old home state. So even though we’re in Tampa, you guys are in Orlando. Right? We all live in Orocoe area. Fantastic, Florida. Oh, thanks. We visited the sunshine for spring break. We had our kids spring break a couple of weeks ago. So we’re back on the beach and had pretty good weather except for some freezing cold rain.
Kimberly Hoffman 02:43
And then a little cold snap. But it was nice to be back to be in Florida and
Matthew Hoffman 02:46
our hometown. So we have a great affinity for Florida. We were Kim was born there. I was raised there. She was too. So we kind of still consider it our home state even though we’re hanging our hats up here in Greenville, South Carolina. So we like to start off all of our interviews with the first question. We want to know what do you guys each think makes you a Kickass couple?
Sam Cloward 03:09 You got to start, Jose
Jose Cabranes 03:10
Okay. Let’s see. Um, I don’t know, I think it’s the are like, our outlook to life. And like we have, we always were always very positive. And we like to have a good time. And we’re also hard workers. But we somehow always make things work. And I think I think in order to be a Kickass couple, you have to make things work, you know, work hard, but still have a good time.
Sam Cloward 03:40
I, for me a lot of it is is the just it’s a very comfortable relationship to be. And we’ve both had previous relationships. And this one is the one that seems to just mesh and vibe really well. From all different aspects, whether that’s supporting one another or doing things together. It it feels like a true partnership, unlike other relationships that I may have had in the past.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:07
And how long have the two of you been together?
Sam Cloward 04:09
Together? We’ve been together for about five and a half years and married for just over one. We celebrated our one year anniversary. Yeah. Yeah, we celebrated our one year back in January. So
Matthew Hoffman 04:21
Congratulations on that first year. We’ve been only married a short 27 coming up on 28. So but I tell you what, when it when it when it meshes, like you said and it goes well, time passes pretty quickly. It really does. And so we’re excited. That’s the reason the reason we’re doing this is to bring pearls of wisdom from couples like you and all kinds of others and try to help people stay in those relationships and keep them successful.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:50
Absolutely. So in order to go forward, I like to first go backward and really look to your history because I believe that we all have a lot of Grandpa in our bones. And I think it’s really important to bring those things to the surface when we find that partner, that right person. And so I’d love to ask you, Sam first, what did love look like when you were growing up as a child, what it looks like in your family,
Sam Cloward 05:21
I, I actually am very fortunate my parents I have amazing parents. More, I recognize it more. So as I get older and have gotten older than maybe I did as a as a child. But I’m one of five kids second to youngest, I have a younger brother, an older brother and two older sisters. So everything was was just a huge deal. Like it’s just a big family. But I think love for me growing up was, even though the world there was a lot of things that were happening around my family, I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, I was raised in the religion Latter Day Saints. But there was a lot of things that were going on with my older siblings, or what not. And my mom and my dad always made sure that our home was a safe space for us. And I think, regardless of what was going on, witnessing my parents fight to make sure that me going home or us coming home. Even if it was I don’t know, rocky, whatever would have happened. It was still okay to go home, it was still a good place to be. And I had a lot of aunts and uncles and whatnot that were getting in divorces growing up. And my parents never made prom promises or anything of that degree. And one day they satisfied down and they promised us that that they were going to stay together. So witnessing and that promise and they are still together, they’ve celebrated their close to 50 years now together, or they’re in their summer 40. Some you gotta remember held my oldest sister is because they’re, they’re married to you on your longer but to be able to as an adult process that and see how big of a promise that really is to convey to children in an environment where they are watching their cousin’s parents divorcing, or separating, and seeing the support that my dad provided my mom growing up. In fact, my dad was always very chivalrous and took care of my mom in ways that a lot of people don’t do for their spouses anymore. And like, I remember one time, we were at a family Christmas party, and my dad just went and got my mom a glass of water, because she just asked, “Hey, can you go get me a glass of water.” And he did. And like his sisters, he has six sisters, they all were giving him a hard time about it. As if, like my mom was causing, like, like, I don’t know, like if he was a slave to my mom, or what not, but it was those little things, those acts of love of, you know, like, I just want to make sure my my partner is comfortable, you know, and those type of things. And he still does those little touches here and there. And so I was quite fortunate to witness that and see it a healthy relationship. So I have a really good foundation, I think to see that and I that’s always what I was looking for as I got older was a type of relationship where it really was a partnership, supportive from both sides, and also an escape into one another because the world can be a crazy place. And you need somebody to be able to turn to to say, “hey, you know, everything’s spinning around us right now. Let’s just stop it for a moment and, and hold on to one another.” And I remember my parents, they would have moments where they would just, you know, hold each other in the kitchen or what not. And those moments of just reassurance for one another, and sorry. But Jose and I like we do those moments, and they’re just organic, and they just happen in the moment. So I’m fortunate that I was able to have an example like that in my life growing up in a time when I was seeing a lot of other relationships fall apart from from a child perspective, that can be pretty scary. So
Kimberly Hoffman 09:09
it sounds like you had a lot of great things that were modeled for you, and actually what you can bring to your relationship that Yes. Now how about you Jose, what did love look like in your family when you were growing up?
Jose Cabranes 09:23
Just it was very similar to Sam’s, you know, grandparents, my grandparents are still together, they, you know, being from a Spanish family we had we have large family as well. And I think being surrounded by family is a big part of our relationships. Um, but my grandparents were always together, sharing, you know, quality time together with everybody and all that stuff. So we’re all very fortunate to kind of see you know, that relationship kind of transition. We all know what’s going on with them like, they may not be like, you know, having a discussion about something or disagreement, but you can tell that there’s something going on just because we’ve been around them for so long. And it’s I for me, I, it’s very, like honest and open. They’re never like, if they’re upset with one another, they’re, they’re very open about it. But they still, you know, make it through it, they still chat and they can make things work. And I think that that kind of reflects on our relationship as well. Because I don’t like when, like, when something doesn’t feel right between us. I’m like, what’s going on? It’s just this just. So I think that’s one of the great things that I was able to kind of grab from all the past relationship there, I’ve kind of been lucky to be around in and kind of put that into my relationship now.
Kimberly Hoffman 10:45 Sure.
Matthew Hoffman 10:47
That’s great. Well, so we have three C’s, which are kind of three of our 14 pillars. And we really feel pretty strongly that if you do those three things, well, they’re kind of the cornerstones of making the rest of the relationship successful. And so we’re going to start off with the first of those C’s, which is commitment. So Sam, I would like to ask you, in your relationship with Jose, what does commitment look like? How does it show up? And how do you see it reflected in the relationship that the two of you have?
Sam Cloward 11:21
I think the commitment aspect is is supportive of one another to a large degree and accepting that, that it could evolve over time what that commitment looks like, as far as as work stuff changes or personal goals, it’s being able to make sure that I’m a support for him and allowing him to be a support for me. And I know, this is this comes in a lot of the other pillars and what not, they all kind of work together, right? That’s, that’s how these these things work. But for me, it’s making sure that when I say I’m doing something for him, or let’s do this together, we’re supportive of one another, and being able to make sure that we go through that, as a couple, and I’m supportive of his goals. I’m getting a little tongue-tied.
Jose Cabranes 12:16
I think for me, it’s also that same thing, that commitment is just kind of being there for like, doesn’t matter. You know, like you said, if it’s a change of job, if it’s trying to change plans, going out with somebody, whatever comes up that you’re committed to that person, like for me, for example, like, if I know that I have friends that I want to go out, or they have an event or something. I’m like Sam is, like I in my mind, I’m like Sam’s committed to come with me. Like, they already kind of know that he’s, he’s going to be a part of that. And I think that’s, for me, that’s one of the things about commitment, like we’re always there for each other and supporting each other. And whatever we we kind of put ourselves into
Kimberly Hoffman 12:58
Sure, it sounds like you both are really committed to knowing what the other needs and what
Sure, it sounds like you both are really committed to knowing what the other needs and what the other’s desires are. And you’re willing to make sure that you understand those and you can help support in whatever way is necessary.
Sam Cloward 13:15
That’s absolutely true. That’s right on the nose, we we each have different goals, personal goals, but then we have goals together as a couple, and we want to make sure that those balanced one another. So we both fully feel fulfilled not only as individuals, but as a couple. So it is that support. It’s it is having those conversations and saying, Okay, you are on this path. This is what your goals were is that still where you’re where you’re headed, because I want to try and make sure that I’m doing my part to make sure that you can achieve those goals and vice versa. And being openly communicative of what my needs are as well and what my goals are, because then he can in a lot of relationships, sometimes the other person does not allow you to support them. They feel like they have to do it on their own. And so filling that commitment from Jose is very, it’s a beautiful thing. Because we like you said, we’re very honest with one another. We have those open discussions and open dialogue. So that if we’re thinking, “hey, you know, I’m not feeling too great about this decision or what not. What should we do?” You know, well, to make sure we’re healthy to make sure the relationships healthy, maybe we need to make an adjustment here or what not, and then discussing it.
Matthew Hoffman 14:36
Sure. And I like what I had, I really liked Sam, what you said, you said, “that commitment changes over time,” and doesn’t mean your commitment level varies like hey, I’m committed or not, but it means that you’re willing to adjust to the changing season of life and that’s kind of the flexibility of commitment. The principle doesn’t change, but maybe the way you do it does because your partner’s needs change or may change, or they may be facing something they haven’t faced before. And if you’re still doing the same thing, you may not be supporting the way they are. So I think that’s right. I love that example. And I think our listeners can relate and appreciate to that. And we find it in our own relationship as well. We’re constantly trimming sails, to adjust to the needs could be of the moment of the day, or it could be something that she’s taking on, she’s never taken on before. Or I can say, “hey, wow, I’m really feeling out there right now. I need you to help I need you to support me in this way.” So yeah,
Sam Cloward 15:33
Life is really dynamic. And you may we can’t even plan our, our, you know, you may have a five year plan. But that doesn’t mean the world will allow you to reach that five year plan. So yeah, you have to trim the sails, like you said, and adjust. And I think I think that is one of our strengths is we have the path that we were on when we first started dating or seeing each other as far as our personal or shared goals, they have adjusted, and it’s because we have been openly communicative about that, that we have been successful with, with being able to navigate that.
Kimberly Hoffman 16:12
Alright, so um, that’s a great segue into my next question for both of you, and that is on actually on communication, you talked about it just a little bit with the commitment factor. But I always like to know how people communicate in the relationship. When do you find the time you’re both really busy and doing your own thing working on yourselves? And then you’re coming back together? Maybe later in the day? And how do you make time for that? And how, when you do communicate, what does that look like?
Sam Cloward 16:45 You want to start this?
Jose Cabranes 16:47
Sure, um, let’s see what? Well for me, like, I’m, I guess I’m more like, I, I used to be one of
those that would avoid those conversations. It’s hard, like, you know, topics or, you know, things. So I like, I read body language very easily. So like, sometimes, if we needed to have a tough conversation or anything, I could see Sam that will get kind of like upset about
something or react or anything. And it would be difficult for me to have those conversations. So I found out that the easiest way to do it is as we’re like, kind of shutting down for bed, but as we’re laying in bed, you know, kind of talking about our day, and then we would just, you know, tackle small things of that conversation. So I’m like, “hey, you know, about like yesterday, you know, I don’t know how, you know, if that was the best way to handle it,” or, or like, you know, “when you said this, this kind of made me feel this way.” And then that, that way, we were just kind of focusing on the actual topic and the conversation and we didn’t have to like, kind of look at each other or kind of get those reactions, we were just saying everything 100% of just what it was without any, I guess emotions are right,
Sam Cloward 18:03
We do a really good job of prioritizing one another and making sure that we do have time to talk to one another. And I that that could go back to that commitment piece, were making sure that the number one person that I need to talk to is this guy, and I make sure that I we have time to do that. We are pretty good, especially if we’re not working, we make dinner together. So we’ll sit at the table and chat that way. We run a business together. So we have to have those conversations. And what we have found is it’s just easier to just be open and just talk about it. So I we both carry our emotions very heavily on the outside. So if we’re agitated or anxious or works getting stressed up, like he said, he’s very good at reading the body language. And I think I am too. So we’re very quick at nipping it in the bud and being like, “Hey, you look stressed.” “Is there anything I can help with?” just to make sure that it’s maybe not something that one of us is doing to the other one or causing that additional stress? And he’ll ask me, he’ll be like, “are you you look stressed? Are you okay?” And I’ll be like, “No.” I’m, and I’ve, I’ve learned to make sure that I actually state what I’m stressed about. So that if I’m going “yeah, I’m a little anxious.” But it’s, I’m thinking about this and I’m thinking about this coming up next week.” And I want to make sure that you know we need to work on this so we can set as we need to make sure that we set aside time for this and yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 19:40
When it comes to creating a Kickass marriage, do you ever wonder what you could be doing better? Have you ever thought how helpful it would be to be a part of a like-minded community of other imperfect couples who want to level up their number one relationship? Come visit Kickass Couples Nation, where you can talk with people just like you who are looking for ways to invest in and increase their joy, commitment and fulfillment and their most important human relationship. You’ll have access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars and more. Just visit www.matthewphoffman.com so you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you level up. That’s www.matthewphoffman.com
Kimberly Hoffman 20:28
I love hearing that because I feel that so many of us will say, “Oh, my gosh, I’m just so stressed. I, you know, I’m feeling angst.” And we may not say why. We may just in that moment, be just sort of blowing off whatever steam or whatever we may be feeling. But I think it’s so important to share with our partner. “Hey, it’s not you. This is what I’m feeling right now.”
Jose Cabranes 20:54 Exactly.
Kimberly Hoffman 20:55
But it’s driven by XYZ. Or maybe it is driven by you, or “Hey, you, you know, I just heard you say this, and it hurt my feelings. But we’re really busy right now. Maybe we can table this and talk about it later.”
Jose Cabranes 21:05
We have done that before, too, doesn’t always have to be handled in the moment. Right, right.
Sam Cloward 21:11
It’s saying we’ll have to talk about that later. But we do need to talk about it. And then making sure that we do set aside the time to address whatever we needed to. I learned very early on in our relationship that if I didn’t, if I wasn’t clear with Jose, what I was anxious about, or if I looked angry or what not, he would instantly jump to thinking that it was all him. So in order to prevent him from feeling that additional stress that he doesn’t need to, I learned very quickly that I needed to be very open and candid with what I was dealing with. Stress wise, whether it was work, whether it was family issues, not pertaining to him or, or other friends or what not. And that definitely helped us build that trust with one another. So when I say “I’m anxious, we’ll talk about it later.” And he goes, “Is it me? And I go no, it’s not you.” He knows it’s not him. But he does like to know, what is making me anxious because he tries to counter it on his own. Like, like he’ll, he’ll do his little things to be like, “Hey, Hey, babe, I made the,” you know. And we kind of do that back and forth. We read each other and, and we talked about this even a few weeks ago, how, when I’m up and I’m like, let’s do it, it’s we do a very good job of countering one another. So if he’s down, I’m very good at being like, “Okay, I can’t, I can’t be down this week. I gotta be the positive optimist that is like, we can do this. “And then something happens and that dynamic shifts, and he realizes, “hey, I, you know, do you want to just cuddle and watch a movie? What do we need to do to bring down the stress level or whatever we’re feeling right now?”
Matthew Hoffman 22:57
I love what you said, Sam, also about, you know, there’s no one else you need to prioritize more than him. And I think you know, that’s that one word is so key. And everything that we do with the Kickass Couples Podcasts with our membership site. It’s really most people’s relationships fail or struggle, because they don’t understand the idea of prioritization. Yes. And especially prioritizing their spouse, you know, this woman right here, there’s no one else I need to talk to that’s more important than her. And not only that she’s first on the list, but how we had a conversation about it today. We had a phone call conversation today. She called me right after she left the house. I was in the middle of doing something. She called me and I go, “Yes.” she goes, “Oh, you’re gonna treat me like that!, Come on, we talked about, we’re gonna talk about that. And we talked about it later. And I’m like, it was “oh, my gosh, the power of one word. Right. So yes, I was probably prioritizing her. But I wasn’t certain that my tone was what it should be for the person that’s most important in my life. I didn’t prioritize that. So that’s a huge point. And I appreciate you for saying that. And it’s I had to recognize it as it’s, you know, a huge truth.
Jose Cabranes 24:08 Yeah, absolutely.
Matthew Hoffman 24:10
And so, we talked about communication a little bit. And that kind of leads to our third C, which is conflict resolution. And, you know, anybody who says, Oh, we have zero conflict, you know, everything is rainbows and sunshine, and, you know, we don’t have a lot of knock down, they’re not
Sam Cloward 24:25 in a real relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 24:28
What world are you living in? So when conflict does arise, I’d love to know Jose, what do you guys do? How do you handle it? How do you approach it? Can you think of an example of how you guys have worked through conflict in your relationship?
Jose Cabranes 24:42
Well, we, you know, we kind of always go back to that communication aspect of it, and we don’t let it escalate. You know, we, once we kind of figure that there’s something that’s, you know, aggravating or we don’t agree with something, we immediately like, grab it right there and we’re like, what’s going on? Um, so it doesn’t evolve into something more than just a discussion or you know, a conversation. So we, I think we’ve kind of learned how to read each other off. When it comes to those things, and sometimes, you know, the conversation happens in, you know, we can kind of butt heads together, but we just kind of go, “Okay, we just gotta give each other some time to cool off.” And then kind of think about all those things, you know, was it what I said? What, what could I do better? Let’s reflect back on this. And I always like to think back of what he’s going through, you know, not even in the relationship. But sometimes it’s work. Sometimes it’s, you know, conversations with other people that he’s had, like, friends. It’s just the day family issues, something, you know, I go, what’s going on? This is in addition to something else. And then we always, you know, like I said, we go back to their communication. And we not, you know, they don’t really have like large blowouts. We, because we always, we’re always honest with each other.
Sam Cloward 26:09
When we do have our blowouts which happen maybe a couple of times a year, we usually can sense it’s coming. If that makes sense. So it’s usually we’ve gotten pretty good at making sure that the communication aspect has been there. Yeah, I think over the years, I
Jose Cabranes 26:31
I think a lot of it is when we hold too many things in. Yeah. And then just one little thing just
triggers it. And I just, yeah, I think that’s, that’s the biggest thing that we have. So go ahead.
Sam Cloward 26:46
So during our blow ups, if we say things that we were just such candid people, normally, that being in a relationship with other candid people, another candid person is going to be, he’s going to be direct. And so we’ve gotten used to being very direct with what we’re thinking, like, “hey, I really need you to help me with this, or this or this.” And he’s like, “Well, I’m stressed, I’m dealing with this and this and I’m like, then we can’t do this, or work on these these projects.” Because sometimes we spread ourselves too thin is ultimately what it comes down to. And recognizing that sometimes these external factors are stressing out our relationship we have, we have after these blown up blow ups or or these arguments or fight whatever you want to call them. They, we always make sure we take the time to address what was said and what we need to do to move forward. And so when we have an argument or disagreement, I don’t think either of us were both so used to not backing down. That we’ve we’ve come up with really good ways of finding that balance of give and take for our type of personalities, if that makes sense. It’s, it’s hard to explain. But yeah, we’re just so candid. you guys have worked through conflict in your relationship?
Kimberly Hoffman 28:08
So you’re both or you can be like this, right? Yeah, I heard you say that sometimes you’re really strong butting heads, and neither one wants to back down. How do you get how do you get away from that? What do you do to really come out of that situation?
Sam Cloward 28:25
In those situations is like what Jose said, we take a moment to step away and, and internalize
our thoughts to figure out what is really going on in that situation.
Kimberly Hoffman 28:35
You’re giving each other some space and some time, yes, just decompress a little bit, and
maybe reconvene at a later time to go back to it.
Sam Cloward 28:46
Yes, yeah. And then and then when we’re a little bit more even keeled, then we can sit down and be like, “hey” like the last one we had, which was a few months ago. We were like, I was like, “hey, some some crazy things were said, let’s talk about those.” You know, like, “what, why were you feeling this? What happened? What’s what spawned that?” And, again, that relies back on our communication practices that we’ve kind of been able to develop of. “Okay, when you do this, I I’m unable to finish these certain elements of my day or what not.” And I need to I it just adds on to my frustrations. And so he goes “okay, well, I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal for you. So I’ll make sure that I’m more aware of that.” And I remember when we first started dating, it was like sometimes you have small issues like socks like “I’m like your socks are just all over the house. Like take off your shoes there, the socks are there. You take off your shoes there, the socks are there.” and I’m like “I’m walking around this house always picking up socks and I just need to not have to pick up your socks.” His socks are still everywhere. I just have learned to live with it.
Matthew Hoffman 29:58
You can’t solve it but you can understand it. Right?
Sam Cloward 30:00
Yeah. So and then he’ll point out, “well, you leave this here and you leave that there.” and I go, “okay. Okay.” It is it does go both ways. And. But then he is he’s, we have a good balance. I think as far as we’re just way too candid. Like we just tell each other how it is. But that also comes really good with the positive feedback and those emotions as well.
Kimberly Hoffman 30:25 Sure.
Sam Cloward 30:26
So if we’re feeling I don’t think a day goes by where we don’t express our love for one another,
one way or another,
Jose Cabranes 30:34 constantly express.
Sam Cloward 30:37
And appreciation for the other’s support. I don’t think either of us would be where we are right now, having made it through COVID haven’t made it through so much that has gone on around us. without that balance and being able to read each other to a degree. I sometimes I have had to let go of my frustrations, whether it’s like work-related or what not, and just say, you know, “Jose needs me right now.” And that goes back to that prioritization. And, yeah,
Matthew Hoffman 31:14
well, I think that, you know, as you guys say, there’s not been a lot of conflict, right, not a lot of butting heads. And I think the antidote to that is you, you expressed it again, and I want to, I want to kind of bring it back and make sure you guys you guys know, this, probably through experience is that when you’re expressing gratitude and appreciation for your spouse, right, you can’t be grateful and angry.
Sam Cloward 31:35 Exactly,
Matthew Hoffman 31:36
or fearful, and grateful, and happy and appreciative at the same time. So the antidote to that conflict is, hey, you know, what I love about you, you know, what I appreciate about you, oh, I want to thank you, I’m so grateful, right? That’s leaning in and giving. And that is really an incredible antidote for conflict. So it’s no wonder there’s not a lot of conflict in your relationship. Because if you’re dedicated and committed to giving that appreciation and gratitude on a regular basis, they really, you know, we interviewed in a couple, they’ve been married just 62 years, okay, longer than all of us together.
Sam Cloward 32:08 Just just a little bit.
Matthew Hoffman 32:10
And you know, they talked about gratitude and appreciation. And she says, “You know, when he says that, to me, I lift my shoulders up, I hold my chin high. And she goes, I just feel like I’m on top of the world.” And so that’s a, that’s a great feeling. And I love to hear that you guys, you know, like we are there for each
Kimberly Hoffman 32:28 other.
Matthew Hoffman 32:29 Each other, it’s big
Sam Cloward 32:30
It’s an important part. And it does, it does help balance out when you do have the conflict. Because that conflict is so minimal compared to the overall relationship, that some of the, we don’t have little arguments over tedious stuff, because we are both very easy at seeing the other side’s perspective. And if one of us needs to give in, then we do. But we’re very candid, we’re very open, and that goes both way with the appreciation I, we both know, and we talk about it all the time. We would not be as happy as we are right now in our lives without the other person in it. Right. So.
Kimberly Hoffman 33:15
And I heard you say, you know, you talked a little bit about just now giving in, and it’s really just recognizing and understanding where you each are and maybe just not so much giving in, but just accepting what’s happening. Right.
Sam Cloward 33:33
And and it’s also I guess, giving in is not necessarily the correct term, it’s certain things may not be a priority for me, but they are for him or something that he is passionate about. And so I recognize those things that he’s passionate about, that I may not be as passionate about for or, and vice versa. And those are the ones where I’ll be like, if you want to do it, let’s do it. You know, I don’t have an opinion. Either way, I’m not going to oppose it. If that’s where you want to head or if that’s where we want to go. Then let’s let I’m here to support that. Yeah, let’s do it.
Matthew Hoffman 34:10
Yeah, that’s a win for the US, right. It’s a win win for me. Oh, is that just a win for You? But if it
wins for the relationship, then you both win,
Kimberly Hoffman 34:18
It’s what makes a successful relationship
Sam Cloward 34:20
Yeah, and why by nitpick certain little things when it’s very minimal to the overall relationship
Kimberly Hoffman 34:28
Sure. Well, we have in addition to the three C’s that we just spoke of, we have 11 More pillars, and you have a list of those in front of you. And so as you run down and take a look at the list, are there any Sam that most resonate with you or one that really just stands out to you that you love
Sam Cloward 34:55
I would say fun and humor. I think those are incredibly important to our relationship and to who we are individually. We’re both experience-based individuals versus things. So that’s where a lot of our money goes or extra income, it goes into us being able to go do things and do them together. And unity, I think for a very large part, like Jose said earlier, if we’re invited somewhere, people just know they’re inviting both of us. And that’s just how it’s how it’s been. We run a business together, we worked together for two and a half years, he was at that. We worked together at a winery here in Florida. He was there for a couple of years before I stepped in, I was hired in as his manager. And we worked together for two and a half years, and most of our employees did not even realize we were in a relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:46 Oh Wow.
Sam Cloward 35:48
Yeah. So when they find out, they’d be like, “oh, oh, oh, you guys, you guys handle like you guys are very professional.” But we were hired in that way. Like, it’s, that’s the great thing about small businesses is the owner and the COO they interviewed both of you know, they brought us in knowing what that dynamic could look like. And I think that was really kind of amazing for both of us to see how well we were able to work together in another environment. And that provided a lot of comfort for both of us when we decided to start the photography business. So absolutely, we knew we could do it. We had done it for two and a half years, we could work together and be in a personal relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 36:30
How about for you, Jose, is there a pillar that stands out to you,
Jose Cabranes 36:35
I would have to agree with Sam as well do and have fun and humor as well, because that is just a big part of our relationship. You know, even though we’re always doing something always working, we always make some time to just have some fun and just make each other laugh. Because I think that’s a very important thing. That sometimes when we’re so focused on work, we like forget to just take 10 minutes, which is laugh about something. And that really just could change your whole entire day. Sometimes we’re like, so stressed out, and Sam would just kind of I’ll just look over and Sam and he’ll make like a funny face and say, ” I look over at salmon, who will make like a funny face or something. And I like we’ll just start laughing at each other for just the smallest thing, and it just turns around the whole entire day. So I think that’s very important. You know, and also for me appreciation because, you know, a relationship is not easy. And it’s a lot of work. But like, you know, we’ve mentioned earlier, it’s always great to feel appreciated. And it’s Sam does that in a way that he doesn’t even even need to tell me sometimes he just comes out like, it just gives me a kiss on the cheek or like, gets me a glass of water or like no sometimes even opens a door for me when we’re out like the car door. And it’s just those little touches that he does that. He may not say, “Hey, I appreciate you. Thank you for this or that. But it’s just those little touches that are very important in our relationship. And I think they’ll stand up a lot.
Kimberly Hoffman 38:01
We hear, appreciation come out a lot when we ask this question. And so just those little touches, like you said, he may not have to say anything at all, but his actions are showing you that he cares that he’s thinking about you. And I like to always say that he’s got your back. Right?
Jose Cabranes 38:21 Yes.
Kimberly Hoffman 38:21 So supported in that way.
Sam Cloward 38:23 So absolutely.
Kimberly Hoffman 38:24
And I love also the fun and humor. I feel like couples sadly, do not have a lot of that in their relationship. And I know it gets hard, right? You work all day. And then you come home and maybe you have a family and you’re tending to your family, or you have other things that are pulling you in other directions, and you forget to have fun and play together. So I hope our listeners hear that and are able to go out and really implement that in their relationships.
Matthew Hoffman 38:51
Yeah. And that leads kind of kind of neatly into our next question, which is a concept that we call spillover thinking. And Kim and I are big proponents, we think that the good in our relationship spills over into a lot of other areas of our lives. And that really this relationship, this number one relationship, you spend more time in it some people spend a lot of time at work, but I’d love to hear how does the goodness of your relationship spill over to other areas of each of your lives?
Sam Cloward 39:19
Wow, that’s a big question. i We do everything together. I mean, we I mean we have separate jobs we work but I I think in a lot of our other aspects of life, and even in our surroundings, like for example Jose gets along really well with my parents. And when we go out it’s a great group. It’s it’s amazing and I love that my parents accept him as my as their son-in-law. And so that’s, that’s one aspect of that spilling over into my personal life from before I met him, and being able to still be a positive presence in that aspect of my life. And even from a supportive aspect. So when we talked about reading that body language or understanding or having that balance when he’s down, and I’m up, you know, being the, the optimist, or vice versa, it’ll even trickle into that a little bit, where if I’m feeling down, and he’s sending me text, like, “hey, hope you’re having a great day.” It does help the day at work. So knowing that you’ve got a great person to go home to, and there’s that comfort at home, it’s, that helps other aspects of your life feel more comfortable. Because even if you’re having a bad day, at least you have an escape, at least you’ve got a best friend that you can talk to, at least you’ve got somebody that if you don’t know the solutions to the problems, you can use them as a sounding board. And so in that respect for me, there’s a lot of other positive impacts throughout my daily life. Just because of knowing that I have Jose, it makes a lot of that other stuff easier to digest.
Matthew Hoffman 41:28 Yeah. Okay.
Matthew Hoffman 41:31
about for you, Jose, how do you see the goodness of your relationships spill over into other
areas of your life?
Jose Cabranes 41:37
I think it’s just the positivity of our relationship, that kind of, you know, the world that we live in itself can be stressful and can be a lot of times, but I think I always, throughout my day, I’m always thinking about Sam, I’m always like, “you know, what are we going to do? What’s the next thing that we’re looking forward to what are like our goals?” and sometimes even just, you know, I work in a very front-facing role. I speak to a lot of people throughout the day. And I’m always sharing our stories that we have, like all the adventures that they recommend, what should we do, or we should do this and, you know, all these things, so like, all of our, like, their relationship just like, brings off the positivity and all the great things that that we shared together. So I think it’s doesn’t matter if I’m having a bad day, I always think of just, you know, I’m appreciative of the relationship that I have with Sam and that it’s just always, it’s always a great day. Awesome.
Kimberly Hoffman 42:42
Well, I have a fun question for you, we’re gonna go back to your unmarried selves. And if you Sam could put your hands on your unmarried self’s shoulders and give yourself a piece of advice, one piece of advice. What would that be? Knowing what you know now?
Sam Cloward 43:14 That’s a hard question.
Kimberly Hoffman 43:16
Jose, if you happen to know you’re welcome to take that on first.
Matthew Hoffman 43:21
your unmarried self, what would you tell your unmarried self of something that you learned?
Jose Cabranes 43:25
Stop leaving socks all over the house
That makes sense. Yeah. How
Kimberly Hoffman 43:31 After yourself,
Jose Cabranes 43:34
um, I think for me, it’s, you know, before, I was never really patient, and I think, you know, when we started kind of, you know, dating or before we even dated, I never really had a lot of patience. And I think being in this relationship just taught me that to just kind of take it easy, take it slow, and really just be there in the moment because sometimes, you know, for me, I was just like, “Okay, well, doesn’t matter. Now, we just kind of pushed it off to the side and never really thought about it and never actually paid attention to what that other person was kind of feeling. So now like that we’re married. It’s, it’s now a bit true commitment that you know, I don’t believe in you know, “oh, it doesn’t work out. Okay. We’ll see you later.” No, it’s we’re stuck together. You know, we have to make it work. So for me it’s you know, sometimes actually taking that time and just really thinking about things and you know, being there for that person and kind of, you know, time
Sam Cloward 44:44
For me I guess it’s now that I’ve had some time to process your thoughts. It’s, I probably shake myself and say “Don’t stress so much.” I I always saw myself In a very happy relationship, just because I had seen it. I like, like you said, I had witnessed one from my parents, you know. So it’s, it’s, well, I would love to find that I want to see that in my life. And dating is rough. Dating is like a, it’s like the worst form of self-torture.
Kimberly Hoffman 45:22 It can be ugly.
Sam Cloward 45:22
Yeah, yes. Even if the dates themselves aren’t bad, you, you literally go out with different people and you. You have to like slowly expose yourself, like, express yourself or showcase who you are, and hope that that person is doing the other the same thing, honestly. And it just felt like a lot of work. And when Jose and I, from the very first date it, it just flowed, it didn’t feel like the amount of work. It had been with other individuals. And I think if I had stressed a little less and just focused on other things within my life, I still would have eventually crossed paths with Jose or, or what not, that I didn’t need to be as worried as I felt like I was at the time, I Sure. I think that’s fair. In this day and age, it’s so difficult to trust people, because a lot of people are not who they say they are, you know, a lot on social media dating. And you know, you don’t even know if that person really looks like sitting across the room, you hear some really scary stories out there. And I’m not saying that’s how you met, but it’s just overall trust in people has broken down. And so I hear you and I think that it’s really important when you find somebody that you can trust, and you can believe in. yes
Kimberly Hoffman 46:23 it’s a big deal.
Sam Cloward 46:50
Yeah, it’s it’s definitely a different feeling when it when the the social media image is who they actually are. And you’re like, Oh, this is all genuine, this is who this person really is. And they don’t lie to the world, like some of these other individuals that you may have gone out with did. And luckily, neither of us having had bad dating situations before that, or relationships that crashed and burned. We do appreciate what we have because of those situations. And we do see how this is different from other previous people that we may have met.
Matthew Hoffman 47:31
Sure. Well, you guys have been incredible and shared some great experiences. If people want to learn more about you guys, or your business or what you do. Where can people find you? Where should they look,
Sam Cloward 47:44
We have our own website, it’s www.WelcomeToSamJose.com. And we also do a blog together on YouTube. Also under Welcome to Sam Jose. So we kind of have the play on Welcome to San Jose, but it’s Sam Jose so. So our goal in a lot of our stuff, we just that connects the website connects everything together, his photography stuff, J Cabranes Photography.com. And he’s the main master photographer, and I’m kind of the business support person. I do have some experience with photography, but I’m nowhere near where Jose is quality-wise. But they can check all that out. Just through our Welcome to Sam Jose website. We have links connections to all of the other stuff that we do.
Kimberly Hoffman 48:35
Awesome. Well, we thank you both so much for your time. Thanks for having opening up to us and sharing with us a little bit of the intricacies and intimacy of your relationship. We’re grateful.
Matthew Hoffman 48:47
A lot of great things there and I know our listeners will benefit from it. So we again, thank you, and look forward to connecting with you guys again soon.
Jose Cabranes 48:54 Thank you.
Sam Cloward 48:54 Thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 48:56
That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the Kickass Couples Podcast. If you liked the content of the show, then you’ll love Matthew’s newly released book, Kickass Husband: Winning At Life, Marriage and Sex.” To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review in Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at podcast at www.kickasscouplespodcast.com. And we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.