TRANSCRIPT
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
relationship, Lesley, brad, commitment, communicating, Pilates, business, communication, conflict, kickass, understand, couples, important, interview, people, scarcity mentality, lives, talked, agreement, committed.
SPEAKERS
Kimberly Hoffman, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:10
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. In this episode, we bring you the inspiring story of Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell. Lesley and Brad are a dynamic duo who used their skills and expertise to develop several successful businesses and one enthusiastic love story. Lesley and Brad are living proof that anything is possible when you have a strong partnership and are committed to making your relationship work. Lesley Logan: a certified Pilates teacher breathwork habits and mindset coach is the founder of “OnlinePilatesclasses.com,” the first free online catalog of Pilates exercise tutorials where you can also find weekly Pilates classes and workshops. Teaching Pilates since 2008, she has won multiple studios, has trained hundreds of people who have become teachers themselves and has taught 1000s of students in return. When not teaching from her studio in Las Vegas, she hosts her podcast “Be it till you see it” and travels the world leading Pilates retreats. Brad Crowell has over six years of experience managing online interaction for multiple brands from online marketplaces to music. He manages the day-to-day operations and the team at Lesley Logan Pilates Inc. A company focused on more bodies taking Pilates. The three brands “onlinePilatesclasses.com, profitable pilates.com and LesleyLoganpilates.com,” respectively focus on Pilates classes online fitness, business coaching, and Pilates retreats. Brad is a business development specialist focusing on operational workflow, social media marketing, and relationship building. His fields of expertise include user experience and interface design, SEO, community development and account management. In today’s recap edition episode Kim and I will share our key takeaways from our interview with this dynamic couple will break down concepts, relationship qualities and key pillar points that they have used to build their rock-solid relationship that will stand the test of time.
Kimberly Hoffman 03:49
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast and this recap episode of Brad Crowell and Lesley Logan, an impressive couple from Las Vegas, Nevada.
Matthew Hoffman 04:02
Las Vegas. Yes,
Kimberly Hoffman 04:05
They were a lot of fun. They are a young couple, they work together, they are hip. And it was just fun getting to know them and getting to interview them.
Matthew Hoffman 04:16
They were neat. They were fun. I got to meet them at a mastermind event in Nashville, Tennessee. And we had a great connection and I thought they would be a lot of fun to talk to and they jumped in. They were great.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:29
Yeah, I love what they said makes them kick ass. And the first words out of Brad’s mouth will was well I am going to take a 30,000-foot view of our relationship and look down and say that we are kick ass. Because we work together. We play together. We are quirky together. So, I really appreciate that, but it made me think what our relationship would look like from perspective of 30,000 feet.
Matthew Hoffman 05:03
I do not know what you would see a lot of good. I think you would see the big moments of good and you know what you would miss, and it would go away. But that is all that little crap that we think is so big and important. You would not see all those little meaningless things that some days, we each take turns making a big deal out of it, see the big moments, the important things that are weighed, weighty and meaningful. And what I think we would lose a lot of that garbage that we get hung up in every day.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:32
Sure. Well, they are living remarkably similar lives, very parallel lives, and then found each other and came together and merged their lives, their businesses, and have really been able to make this work for them.
Matthew Hoffman 05:48
Yeah, I love Lesley, you know what Brad had to say? He is like, he did not need me at all. She was successful in our business, had her own place, but doing her own thing. And it was not that she was not looking for someone to fulfill her. And he was not sure what to do with that in the beginning. And it was not until she broke her leg, and had to have some help that he thought, wow, you know, this is something that I can do and show her my commitment, my dedication, how I feel about her. And he said, “Usually he goes, I am the one that wants people doing things for him. So, it was rare that he had to or had the opportunity to show up for her in that way. And that is how the relationship started.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:29
He came in to help her and he never left if I had it correctly. Yes,
Matthew Hoffman 06:33
He came in when she broke, her legs were sitting on the counter with nowhere to eat, no table. And he said, “Can I help you with that? Please? You know, come on, let us get you in a better spot was a five hundred square foot apartment. And he said he did not leave for a month. And then he had the realization, Man, I have not paid my rent. I have not been back to my place. I should go check that out and make sure it is okay.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:56
Yes, it was a sweet start. And what they really realized is that they could come together with these parallel lives and merge and have a great relationship. I mean, they lived in what did how many one thousand square feet five hundred for over six years. I want to say.
Matthew Hoffman 07:13
6 or 7 years, they said, yes,
Kimberly Hoffman 07:14
That is kick ass right there!
Matthew Hoffman 07:15
That is kickass because I could not do that. So, they are mightier than me.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:19
Exactly!
Matthew Hoffman 07:20
In that sense, but what is so neat about it, and the concept came behind when Brad was saying, hey, we had parallel lives. There is no dependency. There was not any codependency. But you know, we love that dependent, independent, and really the Nirvana relationship, Nirvana’s interdependence, and so they each had their own identities, they were not getting lost and each other, but they knew that together, they were better. So that interdependency and synergy made them support each other and get what they each needed in their own wants and desires. But allow them to experience it together. And that was a nice example of what a relationship should look like. It should not be, you know, one hanging on the other, be all end all, I cannot survive without you. And it cannot be well, I am doing my thing, and you are doing your thing. And just leave me alone.
Kimberly Hoffman 08:11
Yeah, there’s got to be a really nice in between sweet spot where you can go off and be independent and have your own things that you love to do and that you value that are important to you your own personal growth opportunities, but yet come back together and merge together and be even better for each other.
Matthew Hoffman 08:33
I agree. I agree. What was one of your first takeaways from them? As we look at their time together?
Kimberly Hoffman 08:40
Well, I think that looking at their background a little bit is important to note, I know that he came from a previous relationship or previous marriage, in fact, and that it did not end well. And it was pretty, I do not want to say volatile, but there was a lot of arguing and it was a very unsettling relationship for him. And I know that Lesley also came from a previous relationship, not a marriage, but a long-term relationship. And so just being able to come together and again, not have those issues. And knowing that these are the this is the kind of relationship we want, and communicating that with each other, and being able to be open about that made them more successful in this relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 09:32
Yeah, and I want to talk about that concept a little bit. We have talked to a lot of people who said, hey, I had something before, and it did not work and inform to me what I want and there is nothing that is normal and natural. But what’s great if you’re someone that out there that has not tied the knot yet if you’re not married or you’re not, you know you haven’t committed to this person for the rest of your life, right and then all in no Plan B commitment, having the conversation with them about where did you go I’m from what is it you like, and what do you need is critical because it means that before you make that commitment before you jump in for life, you can be assured, hey, we’re in alignment, we want the same thing. We have the same values, and we can figure out a dance that is going to help both of us achieve what our hopes and dreams are. And it is interesting to see couples that have had relationships that have not worked, they’ve trial by fire, and then figure out well, how do we do this going forward. But if you’re not, if you haven’t had that relationship, that relationship that failed, or you committed and you had to hit eject, having that conversation now is going to make sure that a you’re moving forward with a right one, and B, you have an agreement on this is what we’re about. And this is what we are committed to.
Kimberly Hoffman 10:42
Yes. And in that same vein, they said that, as far as commitment goes, you know, they are noticeably clear on what the other person wants, what the other person needs, and what the other person’s expectations are. And again, just being open and communicating those things before and even during your relationship, we’re still communicating to each other things that we need things that the other person may be falling short on and don’t even realize it, were still saying, hey, did you know or could you do this for me? Or I would really appreciate it if and those are things that we are still doing in our own relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 11:22
Yes. And you save yourself so much strife by just saying, hey, this is where I am. I need this when I mean, just the other night, I was working, and Kim was working. We had not talked about the evening plans for dinner. And she sent me a text and said, hey, do you think we could go out tonight, I have a lot to do. And the last thing I can do is just to think about what dinner is right? And I said, “No problem. Let us go here. So, she said, “I have a need. This will help meet my needs. Can we, do it? She communicated it, we talked about it. And it did not become an issue about what we were doing for dinner. Who is making dinner? I do not have time, well, you do not have time, right? Not an issue. And we managed it and moved forward. And I like that. And you know, commitment to me is understanding what your partner needs and unequivocally being able to give it to him. And in terms of that work for you. And I like what Brad said it is like morality and a decision. In other words, it is your moral commitment when you are married to give your partner what they need. You go wrong in relationships. And it is not a requirement, something that you must do your conscripted to do. He said it is a decision. You make the decision. What are you choosing to do or not? Do you have a choice, and the choices you make inform how you are going to show up in commitment with your partner.
Kimberly Hoffman 12:41
I want to move on to communication because they have an interesting style that we had not heard of yet, in communicating. And that is separating out personal communication from business and even all other communications. And I love that because they save their texting, and their phone calls for each other, and family. And that is it. There is not any business texting going on. There is not any. They are working on a project together at home. And isn’t any of that going on? Even when they got married. They have a project manager app that they use. And you refer to it as a Slack channel.
Matthew Hoffman 14:16
It is called slack. Yep.
Kimberly Hoffman 14:18
Yes. That they use to communicate anything other than personal communication. And I love that because it really does make their communication with each other. very intentional.
Matthew Hoffman 14:32
It is and I mean, you know, we started I am going to we are adopting this idea. We just started using Basecamp and our own company to just commute about work things. And it is like, do you know what, in all fairness to your spouse is great to be able to talk to them about business things on a channel. So they know that if they need to talk to you or refer to you or you have any business issues with you’re in business together, or you want to ask them a question about your business, that you use that channel for it so you can have channels of committee occasion that are reserved for your personal stuff. And that is great. So, they know they do not have to worry because they work together and they live together, they must have quality communication has nothing to do with business and you know, can remind me, Kim, you know, talking about communication, and we interviewed Congressman Williams, and his wife. And he talked about communication about letters from left field, he does notes and letters to people for no reason at all, just to communicate his gratitude, his commitment, or something he appreciates about them, you write those letters, and he sends them. And he says often, he will get a phone call saying, oh, my gosh, I just received your note, thank you so much. And it does not cost him much. He does not say much. It is just a thought or an idea and letting somebody know how they feel about you. And these guys had something similar, right? They talked about communication in that way for each other.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:53
Yes, they did. And they also are, you know, again, when they separate their business from their personal communication, the personal side is we save that for the little notes that I love, use the silly little quirky little texts, texts that they may send each other. So, I love separating that we have talked spoken to a lot of couples that are in business together. That is a reoccurring theme with people that we have interviewed. And I think these two have a right,
Matthew Hoffman 16:21
Yes, they did a fantastic job with that. And then moving into conflict resolution, I think that one of the things that, you know, it was Brad was talking about it, he was saying, what is more important? Is it being right, like, hey, I am, there is something we might have a disagreement on, or relying on the commitment that you made to the individual? Because again, you have that choice, right? When I am hot about something, or do we have a disagreement? What is my motive? Is my motive to be right? Or is my motive to look back and say, how can I communicate from out of my commitment to this person to be tender and to be loving, and considerate of them and their needs?
Kimberly Hoffman 17:00
Yeah, I love that, you know, am I right on this? Or you are asking yourself? Should I be, there should I have a different thought process on this? Is there something I need to change? You know, really asking those challenging questions. And I liked that I appreciated that. I also really appreciated what Leslie had to say about conflict. And, and her viewpoint was, you know, she grew up with a lot of conflict in her home. Her parents were very loud. They were very vocal. And that was exceedingly difficult for her. And she said, you know, I had over 17 years, I heard the same argument repeatedly. And how many times do we hear that in relationships, or even see it with some of our friends, that they are arguing about the same thing over and repeatedly? Because they cannot seem to grasp an understanding of what it is. They are arguing about it.
Matthew Hoffman 18:00
Yes.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:01
The deeper understanding of
Matthew Hoffman 18:02
Yes, the deeper like what is the dream within the conflict.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:06
Exactly.
Matthew Hoffman 18:07
And it is not necessarily who did or did not do something, or where they are going to go or not go right or something miniscule, it is that you know, what, we are not going to get an agreement on this. So, I must understand their position. So, I understand why it matters to them. And they can understand mine. And we must move forward. But to keep rehabbing. What that’s just insanity, right? Having that same argument again, and again, and again, and it wore on her. And really, it really influenced how she shows up in the relationship and the agreement that she and Brad have about conflict,
Kimberly Hoffman 18:42
I have to be really careful about, you know, we have conflict, also bringing that person back to the same conflict over and over again, if you have worked through it, if you have already sort of hashed it out and made agreement on it, then please don’t bring that back up to your spouse, again, there’s nothing worse than bringing them back into the courtroom, so to speak. Right? Judging them all over again and sentencing them all over again, we must be careful of that. It is so easy to get caught up in. Well remember when you did and that one time when and just continuing to bring up the same issue repeatedly, it can be dangerous,
Matthew Hoffman 19:30
It can I mean, it is important to have, I think, Steph Tuss shared with us about radical candor. And I think in conflict resolution and communication. You must be willing to say the tough things with love, being respectful still, so that you are not sugarcoating it and dancing around the issue. But if you have the commitment, right, you got that safety net. So, you should feel free to go forward and say those things. But you also must learn to adjust to your partner’s needs. If you are having conflict about something it is because they may just need to hear, receive, give, or do something differently. And it is not about you winning the day and saying you got to do it my way, or you must break and do it their way. But it is adjusting to their needs and being willing to give them what they need to feel understood or at ease on a certain point. And that is, you know, a hard lesson to learn, but the sooner the quicker you learn it, the better you are going to be in your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 20:27
Absolutely. We also talked to them a little bit about overflow thinking. And I really liked what Lesley said, she said, it is interesting about, you know, your cup being full, versus your cup being empty, you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you yourself are not fulfilled, you are not investing in yourself, you are not growing, then you are not going to have anything to pour into anyone else.
Matthew Hoffman 21:02
You are not because you are just going to be the scarcity mentality. If you do not have enough, you are going to.
Kimberly Hoffman 21:06
Keep it.
Matthew Hoffman 21:06
I cannot give what I have. Because I am going to run out. As opposed to, I got more than I need, I can lovingly give and flow out. And there’s kind of two things in that message, one, self-care, you got to carry yourself, you know, you’re not going to be good to anybody else, as a husband, as a wife, as a father, a son, a friend, a parent, a mom, a dad, if you’re not taking care of yourself, and you also can’t be fearful about giving away what you have. Because you do not have enough. That is a scarcity mentality. And that that is not abundance, and it will not serve you well on either part of that equation.
Kimberly Hoffman 21:44
What else do you have on this interview that you want to share? Before we must close?
Matthew Hoffman 21:48
I do not want to give away anymore. I think that you should listen to the interview. You know, what a what a fun, quirky, different couple. And it was refreshing to talk to them. They are neat people. They obviously are in love and committed to each other and have just done some wonderful things to make their relationship work in business and in their personal lives. And I am grateful for the time we had with them.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:12
Go check it out. It is an impressive episode.
Matthew Hoffman 22:15
Yes, we hope you will join us again on the Kickass Couples Podcast and remember that happily ever after does not just happen, it is on purpose.