TRANSCRIPT
EP.63: Christy & Anthony Primmer- “How To Build The Foundati…
Thu, 7/28 1:47PM • 38:21
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
christy, couples, relationship, anthony, christie, grown, marriage, learn, big, pillars, people, commitment, love, family, selflessness, communicate, kick ass, conflict, kim, podcast
SPEAKERS
Anthony Primmer, Kimberly Hoffman, Christy Primmer, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the Kickass Couples Podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who want to level up their marriage, experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim, co-hosts and husband and wife
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
In 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:42
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, “Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage, and Sex.” You can get it at “Amazon.com” or visit Matthews website, www.matthewphoffman.com”. Again, that’s “Amazon.com or “www.matthewphoffman.com.” And now back to the show.
Matthew Hoffman 01:18
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. We are so excited to have a dynamic power couple. We’ve got Christy and Anthony Primmer joining us today from Canada. This is our first international. We’ve gone international on Kickass Couples Podcasts. So, welcome to the two of you. Thanks for joining us today.
Christy Primmer 01:39
Thanks, Matt and Kim. We’re so grateful to be here. And I mean, let’s, we won’t disappoint.
Kimberly Hoffman 01:45
I love it.
Matthew Hoffman 01:46
Not a question in my mind, Christy. After looking at what some of the things you do. And it’s kind of funny, I gotta say, Christy, Holly Hanlon works for me, and she’s our Director of Operations. And she recommended, she goes, you got to talk to Christy and her husband. They are some cool, kick ass people. And after she said that and made the introduction, I’m a regular contributor on Gayle Guyardo’s Bloom TV in Tampa, Florida on the NBC affiliate. And I saw that you had done it also. So, I got to watch your clip, it was kind of cool that we both been able to visit with Gail. And I tried to get on about twice a month with with her. And so we’ve got that in common as well. But really, the first question we’d like to start off with is I would like to hear from both of you what makes you a kick ass couple?
Anthony Primmer 02:33
What makes us a kickass couple is that Christy is we compliment each other. That’s that’s the big thing. We compliment each other. From the very beginning. From the very beginning, we we mesh together, we got along great together, complement each other. And we’ve both grown so much from when we first met, we’re like two completely different people. But throughout that entire growth process, we we’ve grown together stronger over that period. And so we continue to complement each other. So as Christy’s like launched herself into stardom, I’m here for the ride, but I’m here to help and compliment. What do you think?
Christy Primmer 03:21
I love you. I would say what makes us a kick ass couple is all of that, but at the foundation. We have our faith, and we are in this to win it. So, we made the decision when we got married many, many years ago that, we were going to be the most epic couple we could be and being a representation not just for our son, but for other people. So, I think I think we’re doing a pretty good job.
Matthew Hoffman 03:48
That’s great. Well, I want to follow up on a couple of things. You said, Anthony, that you said that you’ve you’re not the same people you were when you married? Tell me what do you think the biggest change has been when you got married? And what you’ve learned and what you’ve done and where you’ve grown to today? How would you describe that to our audience?
Anthony Primmer 04:06
I think well, first of all, if if, if a couple of things that they haven’t changed, it’s that’s a problem with their perception. Because people change constantly. Individuals, couples, groups, families, there’s there’s always there’s always changing. As our families as our family’s grown, I mean, our son’s grown up. I’ve learned so much raising Nevon, our son and and just being a part of his life and trying to be you know, a great role model and that and as he’s grown I’ve had to grow and and just as a couple I think I think as you mature, you know things change, situations change. Things are always changing. And you have to grow with it. And and when you’re when you’re a kickass couple it’s it’s it’s just natural to grow stronger, together.
Matthew Hoffman 05:01
Sure. Great answer. I love that. Thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:06
I love to with all the people that we interview and take a step back and really look at your history, because I feel like we are the product of the people who raised us, in many cases. And I’m curious, Christy, what did love look like to you when you’re growing up? How was it modeled for you, in your family?
Christy Primmer 05:30
My dad treated my mother like a queen. My dad doted on my mother, he respected my mother, he respected family. So, it was ingrained in me family first. And, you know, treating my mother with respect, set an example a high, high standard, actually, of what I expected from my intimate partner.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:57
Sure. And what are some examples of the way he doted on her?
Christy Primmer 06:01
Yeah, definitely. So he did everything from prepare her breakfast in the morning, so she could get off to work to accommodating. My mother did a lot of volunteer work in the community, as did my dad, but my mum was always busy. She was a very successful business manager, but she was also very busy, in addition to raising two daughters, and my dad always did whatever he could to help make sure she was able to have her time. So as a child, I may not have registered what that was, but looking back, and as I matured, and grew, I realized that’s exactly what he was doing. Also, you know, rubbing her back, the intimacy, not the sex piece, because I hope, hopefully don’t know about that, but the intimacy.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:41
I don’t want to see that part.
Christy Primmer 06:42
That’s right, but holding her hand, rubbing her back, sitting together, asking her before he made decisions, and not for permission, but out of respect. And so those were ways that he really demonstrated what a king, I always say, my husband is my king. So, what a king is in a relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:02
And so that it sounds like Anthony had a lot to live up to coming into that relationship, right? Because that’s what you know, that’s what’s familiar to you. And that’s what’s been modeled for you. How about you, Anthony? How did love look in your family when you were growing up? How was it modeled for you?
Anthony Primmer 07:21
Yeah, you know what, it’s funny, because, for me, I think the structure the structure seemed ideal from the outside looking in. And so it was like a format, it was it was, it seemed like a simple plug and play format, that if I just followed exactly what my parents did, what their parents did with their parents before them, did. It they all followed the same structure. And, and it’s amazing that that I felt like it was actually it was actually a setup for failure, believe it or not, because what when, when I got involved in an intimate relationship with my wife, I discovered that there was actually work involved, that it wasn’t just, it wasn’t just this is the way it is. And this is the way it’s going to be, that that you actually have to put in an effort and, and not only was it a great a great thing to discover for myself, but it was also great in developing a closer relationship and bond with my parents. Because, you know, I talked about things that I had never talked about with them before. Because it always just seemed, you know, it was just natural. That’s just the way it was. And now I, you know, realized myself that, that there is work involved and that even though I didn’t see things going on with my parents that there was work behind the scenes happening.
Matthew Hoffman 08:50
Great question.
Kimberly Hoffman 08:51
Good point.
Matthew Hoffman 08:52
Well, nice to know. So has it been hard to live up was it was a big adjustment for you to live up to that role as king in that relationship?
Christy Primmer 09:02
He got us that too.
Anthony Primmer 09:03
Yes and no, yeah, we have our king and queen, tattoos there.
Matthew Hoffman 09:07
Oh, I love it. That’s great.
Christy Primmer 09:09
Yeah, we got those for our anniversary. But go ahead. What was it hard?
Anthony Primmer 09:13
You know what, I don’t think, I don’t think it was hard. I mean, it it her dad definitely set the bar high. And it definitely was a challenge. But it was like an exciting challenge. You know, it’s like, it’s like anything, family. When you’re involved in family, it’s like, everything’s a challenge, right? Raising a child is a challenge. You want to be the best dad you can be, you know, you want to set that bar high for yourself. So yeah, the bar was set high, but in the, in the short time that I had with her dad, before he passed, it was you know, I got to learn a lot from him. It was amazing to, you know, experience and see and talk and and and learn just how he operated.
Matthew Hoffman 10:03
Sure, great minds.
Anthony Primmer 10:04
Wasn’t difficult, but it was a fun challenge.
Christy Primmer 10:07
Short time being 14 years, my dad has been gone for eight years. So 14 years of, of connection that you had.
Matthew Hoffman 10:14
Sure, we had that. Kim and I, when we got married, Kim had met my mother one time when we dated. And then she passed away before we had even a second date. So, she gets to hear about my mother and the legacy that I demonstrate, but she hears about it from other people. So, 14 years is a for us as a long time. I know it seems a long
Anthony Primmer 10:36
Long time, sometimes it feels like a long time. Very short time.
Matthew Hoffman 10:40
That’s great that you got to experience that legacy. And it kind of leads naturally, we have 14 pillars in our program, I think you guys probably have a sheet that has those on there. And we really feel strongly that the foundation of any great relationship is going to start with what we call the three C’s. Those are the first three of our pillars. And the first C the most important or the cornerstone of your foundation is commitment. So Christy, I’d love for you to share with us. What is commitment look like in your relationship with Anthony?
Christy Primmer 11:10
Oh Definitely, that’s easy to answer. We are in it to win it. Like I said previously, it’s like always recommitting. So, no matter what as we’re in different seasons of our relationship, but you know, recommitting staying focused on why and on what and letting that be the foundation.
Matthew Hoffman 11:30
So you feel like it sounds like there’s a strong commitment, from your sense, no matter what season you seem to be in.
Kimberly Hoffman 11:37
Yeah, no plan B.
Christy Primmer 11:39
Yeah. Right. Even though sometimes,
Kimberly Hoffman 11:42
Even though
Matthew Hoffman 11:45
Even though you’re going away, is there an option here? How about you? Anthony, how do you see commitment show up in your relationship with Christy?
Anthony Primmer 11:52
I mean, that’s it’s exactly the same way. We both have a very strong faith. And I think it’s, it makes it a lot easier when you join into a relationship with someone when you share the same faith basis. Because then there’s, you know, it there is no plan B. There is no plan B. Were were made to be with each other. We were we were put together for a reason. We both wholeheartedly believe that. And at the worst times, it’s stepping back and saying, what’s the reason we’re together? Why are we supposed to be together? Why are we meant? Why are we meant for each other? You know, you question those things? You don’t you know, you never question whether you’re meant to be together. Yeah, sometimes at the worst points. It’s what what am I supposed to be learning from Christy, because obviously, if things are, you know, if there’s a struggle, then there’s a reason for that struggle, and it’s just figuring it out, right? There’s no other option, there’s no option of we’re not meant to be together. We’re not designed to be together. That’s that’s not an option. So, so in any in any of the hard times, it’s always you don’t question whether you’re meant to be together, you question, why you’re going through that struggle, and what you’re meant to learn?
Matthew Hoffman 13:07
Right
Kimberly Hoffman 13:07
Sure, what you’re meant to learn from that struggle, because we look at it as when you are struggling, you know, it’s an opportunity. It’s an opportunity for growth, and sometimes change, but necessary.
Matthew Hoffman 13:21
I’d love for you you to we came in I have a strong faith, and it’s at the foundation of our relationship. Would you mind either one of you talking about that idea? You say your relationship and the strong faith? What role does that faith have in your commitment to each other? How does that interplay or work? Or what does that look like?
Christy Primmer 13:38
I would say our foundation of God first. And so, we’ve always believed the family that prays together stays together, because it’s not if we struggle, it’s when. And, you know, for me, I don’t know, if you agree with this, Anthony, but it’s putting that that godly marriage ahead of the temptations when when you know, because things there’s all kinds of opportunities to stray. There’s there’s all kinds of things that can happen in frustration, and as you mature with your partner even. And it’s always going back to that foundation of what what we have built not only our marriage on but our home, our family.
Matthew Hoffman 14:20
Right. I appreciate that. Thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 14:24
I’d like to talk about our second pillar, which is communication. And you know, good communication and our relationship is vital. So I’m curious, how do you communicate? How do you find time to communicate?
Anthony Primmer 14:38
That’s absolutely, that’s absolutely right. Communication is vital. And we both preach that nonstop. Communication is vital at all times. Especially, you know, as you grow and develop, you have to communicate it and we we make sure that we make specific time to communicate And I think that’s, that’s the important thing. You can’t and you can’t set time to communicate while Netflix is on or while you’re watching TV, or you have to actually set time that it’s just the two of us and, and that’s our time to communicate and there’s no there’s no other distractions, there’s nothing else. And that’s just it. And I used to have a hard time with that at first because I wasn’t one to communicate. And and I’m sure for Christy was even more frustrating because it was like pulling teeth to get me to, you know, communicate, but, you know, as we set that time apart, it ended up being Oh, is is we set an hour aside, it’s already been three, you know that time’s up already, because once I got talking then then it’s getting me to shut up, I guess.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:47
I love it. And I think I really appreciate you pointing out to our listeners that you carve out that time. You create that time and you make that space in your relationship, to be able to have communication. So many people think if we sit down and watch a movie together, this is us communicating, this is us spending time together, when in reality, it’s not. It’s the time when you are putting away cell phones, you take away the distractions, and you are just together, the two of you. And like you said, two hours can go by and you’re still talking, because I feel like there’s just so much. There’s always so much to say. Even if we even if we’ve said it before, you know we say it again. And it’s heard maybe differently. So thank you for sharing that. How about you Chrissy? How would you say I you you’ve got a lot of irons in the fire, you are busy. You are just you know, every day your plate is full. How do you find time to communicate with Anthony?
Christy Primmer 16:55
For me, it’s prioritizing it, of course. And I think we’ve developed something Anthony’s taught me is “communication is not always through verbal language.” And I love that because we have this I can’t explain it, but we have this way of communicating through touch, through just energy like just being around each other and knowing that we don’t always have to talk. You know, like on a car ride or something. You know, the other thing though, honestly, Kim, that’s a bit important is we have a house in Florida as well. And so there’s lots of times where I’m there for a month or two or three alone, while Anthony’s back here doing business. And so we prioritize our FaceTime,.We prioritize connecting through text messages throughout the day and, and not with the intention of someone has to reply right away, just with the intention of what I call little love notes or little messages and just finding ways to not only keep our marriage spicy, but keep the stability, the solid, solid foundation of the communication.
Kimberly Hoffman 17:55
So you have a lot of touch points, it sounds like throughout the day, and doesn’t have to be literally touching each other, but we are connecting with each other in some way.
Anthony Primmer 18:05
Yeah, even little text through the day, Christy is always and vice versa. And it’s gotten to the point now that one I’ve got a few minutes, I want to take my phone out and text her a quick hi. And we’ve gotten to a point where we’re almost doing it and I think exact same time. It’s It’s really amazing.
Matthew Hoffman 18:24
A deep connection for sure. I love it
Kimberly Hoffman 18:27
Really fun to hear.
Matthew Hoffman 18:29
Our third C or in third pillar that we have is conflict resolution. And you know, we it’s not a question of if there’s always conflicts that arise and it could be something you did, something you didn’t do, or something that happens to you or your business. So, when conflict does arise, Christy, how do you guys handle it? How do you approach it?
Christy Primmer 18:50
Well, we’ve learned a lot of different ways that didn’t work. So I’ll start with that. Trying to keep respect at the forefront, you know goes back to our values and and our commitment to one another, but learning that forgiveness is vital to maintain a healthy marriage. Like we have to address the elephant in the room. And I think because our communication is so on point for the most part, we haven’t had touch wood any big issues come up that we haven’t been addressing as they could be potentially building if that if I’m saying that correctly. So, when things are coming up, it’s a matter of it’s safe for Anthony to say “Hey, I didn’t like it when you said this or when you did that. It hurt my feelings or or vice versa” and knowing that that’s not a catastrophic conversation. It’s a way to nip problems bigger problems in the butt actually.
Matthew Hoffman 19:50
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Kimberly Hoffman 20:42
So, you really deal with them as they come along before they become something that can potentially explode later, which I feel like, don’t we hear that sort of all the masters that do this conflict thing well. That’s the way they roll. They just deal with it right as it comes. And it really does, I think make a difference when you can just lightly put your hand on your spouse and say, hey, you know, when you just said that, it just really hit me a certain way. Those are import….
Christy Primmer 21:13
Yes, what I’ve also learned because Anthony has been really good at this from the get go, and we’ve been together 18 and a half years, I’ve learned that not everything has to be an issue. Not everything is a problem.
Matthew Hoffman 21:27
Right? So I mean, we throw this statistic around a lot, two thirds of all conflict are issues that are perpetual, and will never be solved. So you go, wow, what do you do with that to third, and it’s about finding understanding, doesn’t mean accepting, it doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing, but it means finding why? And understanding it and respecting it. And then because you love the person as much as you go forward. I’d love to hear Can you guys think of what one of your biggest conflicts or challenges was a what what that you guys had to deal with? And can you share with us what you did to get through it? How did you get on the other side of something that you had a disagreement on or seem to really be a sticking point in your relationship?
Christy Primmer 22:13
You go ahead, because we’ve only really had one major issue.
Anthony Primmer 22:18
Now it’s up to me to discover what
Christy Primmer 22:20
No
Kimberly Hoffman 22:22
See if you get it right Anthony.
Matthew Hoffman 22:24
This is a test.
Anthony Primmer 22:25
It’s I already know, it’s the first thing that popped in my head. Certain people that are in your space,
Christy Primmer 22:35
Family.
Anthony Primmer 22:36
Family, and so it can be very difficult. And it’s a it’s a really common common problem. And it’s, it’s it was it was a real conflict, because they were close family members of mine, and they were causing problems. And being a close family member of mine, I didn’t know how to address it. So, it was easier for me to let them get away with it. And then just deal with my, the aftermath with my spouse afterwards. And that really wasn’t working out. right? Because basically, I’m putting the feelings of this family member that is in the wrong above my spouse whom I love more than anything in the world, right and just expecting her to understand. And that really didn’t work. And it took it took a while.
Christy Primmer 23:27
Years.
Anthony Primmer 23:27
Yes, it did. It took years. In fact, it’s one of those problems that never goes away. So, that the resolve what we found, the resolve is limiting your time with those with those people first of all, and secondly, I did have to man up and and learn how to properly deconstruct the conflict with the with with that with that person.
Kimberly Hoffman 23:56
Sure. I love that example, because as you said, this is a common problem in relationships, you know, dealing with family can be challenging, and it’s really easy to put our spouse second and deal with, like you said the aftermath with our spouse than it is sometimes with our family. And you know, we wonder why do we do that when this is this is my partner for life. And this is my teammate. And this I’m supposed to be protecting this person. So, I appreciate you bringing that up because I feel like a lot of us fall into that trap. And you acknowledged it, you realize what was happening and you were able to work through it.
Matthew Hoffman 24:46
Yeah, you guys said a magic word earlier prioritization and I didn’t. That’s what’s unique about our brand and what we do and why we do what we do. And if we’re prioritizing our spouse, this woman next to me is my number one human relationships right, after God, same thing, then I’ve got to be willing to let all that other stuff go or figure out a way to work through it. And we’re in the book I wrote “Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex,” one of the chapters adopt her parents as your own, because I realized Anthony early on in our relationship, I said, okay, they’re her parents, they’re not mine, I love them, but there’s some issues that are there. And I’ve got to either love them the way she does or learn to, or there’s going to be a problem, because I can’t say they’re yours and you deal with it, I gotta love them and learn to love them and see the goodness and there’s a lot of good there. It’s not a it’s not a problem. They’re beautiful, wonderful people, but I had to learn to love them like she does, and make that a priority. And I did that because of my commitment to her. And that was a lot of growth and maturity on my behalf that I had to go through. So, I appreciate you both sharing that example and and how you work through it, because I think it’s something that we if we’re prioritizing our spouse, then it’s easy to make the decisions that allow our spouse to stay in that first place. And we’re willing to let the other stuff go.
Kimberly Hoffman 26:11
We have a total of 14 pillars. And we’ve just discussed the first three. The first three C’s is what we call them. But there’s 11 others. And so Anthony, I’m curious of the 11 pillars, I believe you have the list in front of you. Is there one that really resonates with you one that really stands out to you and means something
26:34
to you? Yeah, yeah, I think for me, selflessness was one that stood out. Christy and I have done a Humpday show for years where we get on camera, and we just talked about what’s going on and try and help other couples, and, and we’ve we’ve attacked a lot of these pillars on the regular. And I don’t know why selflessness stuck out, I think it’s because it’s one of the trickier it’s one of the trickier items, I think, because selflessness is it’s it’s a subtlety, it’s a salty, because you can’t just, you can’t, you can’t be a couple and you can’t be involved. And be you know, 100% selfless where, where everything is up to your partner, and everything is decided by your partner, and whatever she wants, goes. And, and I don’t have, you know, input or say or that’s not what selflessness is about. So, I think selflessness stuck out for me because of the subtleties to it. And how it’s about putting your partner first, is what it is, it’s about putting your partner first in all things and having consideration for your partner, and everything that you do, but it’s not about, you know, it’s not about it’s not it’s not about not being yourself or not being, you know, a significant not taking on a significant role, not standing up when you when you know when you can or when you need to. And so I think there’s a careful balance there. And it’s a real, it’s one of the it’s one of the pillars that has a lot of subtleties to it. And I like it.
Kimberly Hoffman 28:20
Selflessness is a big one. And you know, it’s hard to like you said, it’s hard to do that. Consistently. I think sometimes, you know, we can come home from a really long, hard day, and we’re tired. And you know, the last thing we want to do is put someone else before ourselves, but I think when we do that, and we are pouring into our partner, it comes back tenfold. I really believe that. How about you Christy? Is there a pillar that stands out for you out to you one that really resonates with you?
Christy Primmer 28:55
Yeah, it’s one that’s actually one of our key non negotiables in our marriage, and that’s intimacy. I’m really big on intimacy, sexual intimacy, of course, and also intimacy, in other ways, other gestures and behavior.
Kimberly Hoffman 29:13
Intimacy is huge. It plays such a big role in our relationship, and I think feeling close to our partner, you know, physically, it just builds such trust and really makes for a special relationship. So I like intimacy, too. It’s one of my favorite says, Well,
Matthew Hoffman 29:31
I do too, and I’ve learned that the you know, there’s emotional, there’s intellectual, spiritual, there’s physical meaning, proximity and touch. nonsexual and then, of course, there’s sexual and, you know, Anthony, I mean, as a guy, most guys, if you say intimacy, they go sex, right? And that is, but if you want that great result physically, all the other stuff has to be there when we’re connected spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. And we’re and physically in proximity and all those other things are clicking, It makes the physical part of it so much better and real. And I think it’s an ongoing challenge to get men to focus and work on that. And understand that, you know, that’s, that’s how we get there. And so I appreciate that Christy. And, you know, another question I have for you guys is we’re Kim and I are big subscribers to the idea of overflow thinking. And we think the strength of our relationship overflows into areas of our lives. So, if our relationship is strong, and we’re humming and we’re connected, every other area of our life is winning. Because if I’m pouring into Kim so much that she can’t keep all that goodness, she’s gonna bless everybody she comes into contact with, because of the work that I’m doing, and vice versa. So, I’d love for you each to share how do you see the success of your relationship spilling over into other areas of your life?
Anthony Primmer 31:00
Yeah, it’s, uh, you know what, it’s, it’s like you said, it’s, it’s an aura that over spills. And it’s really easy. It’s, it’s, it’s actually effortless. It seems for the most part that this that you have this aura. And people are just like, wow, yeah, you know, you’re, you’re really happier, you’re in a really great mood. It’s like, yeah, you’re right, I am, you know, and I hear it all the time from people who meet and talk to Christy. It’s like, they just want to be in her aura. And I’m like, Yeah, I get to be in it all the time. And I just, you know, I take it away with me always. And it doesn’t take much to get that refill. And it’s, you know, for me, it’s, it’s really, it’s really effortless when, when I’m with her, I draw on her, you know, energy and aura. And then I, you know, take it with me, I don’t have to do anything anywhere else. I’m just, I’m always that happy guy. Cuz, because I get to come home to her.
Christy Primmer 32:00
Aww! I, I agree. You know, I think for for it’s been years of work. And we still work on things when we need to, but we genuinely love each other. We have an incredible family, we have an incredible bond with our son, we have an incredible bond with one another. And we spend a lot of our time talking about intellectual, like, intellectual things. Anthony’s the smartest man I’ve ever met. And he listens well, and so we feel good around each other, which means we show up in our careers and businesses feeling good, we parent feeling good. You know, we like to be that couple that radiates joy. And yes, that’s not always the case, but for the most part it is and you know, we like to live a drama free life.
Matthew Hoffman 32:07
Yeah. Beautiful.
Kimberly Hoffman 32:58
We also like to go backward. And talk a little bit about your unmarried self. And so, Anthony, if you could go back to your unmarried self, put your hands on your shoulders and give yourself one piece of advice. What would that piece of advice be?
Anthony Primmer 33:26
Jeez, that’s a really good question.
Kimberly Hoffman 33:30
What have you learned, you know, what it was
Anthony Primmer 33:32
I’ve learned so much. I can’t I feel like I can’t even connect with my unmarried selfies. Like he’s that different of a guy. I don’t know if it would take like just hands on the shoulder or actually like a shake, maybe a squat and the head on, it would take a lot more than just hands on the shoulder for the unmarried me. You know, I think just I think I would, I would tell myself, you need to be a lot more open minded. You’ve got a lot to learn. And there’s a lot of people you can learn it from. You know, I never imagined I never imagined and this is kind of separate from my spouse, but I never imagined I could learn so much from a six year old child, from a seven year old child, from a 10 year old child, from my 16 year old son, from my 20 year old son. Like as he’s grown up, like I just never imagined, you know, that, how much of a two way street the learning is there, or that I could learn so much from Christy’s grandma or from, you know, I guess as I was growing up as a single guy got all my knowledge from books, from education, from, and then I thought and then I thought, you know, the knowledge that I had was, you know, great knowledge. I just never thought that you could learn so much from so many different areas, from so many different things that I would deem somewhat insignificant as, as a young single guy, that being married, being part of a family being part of something bigger than myself is, It’s, it’s, it’s been such an impact on me as an individual.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:22
I love that just
Anthony Primmer 35:23
borrow itself to be open to that.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:25
Yeah, That growth and learning mindset is, is big. And so I appreciate you sharing that. How about you, Christy? If you had to go back to your unmarried swamp and give yourself a piece of advice? What would you say?
Christy Primmer 35:41
I would say being in a committed relationship with an incredible man is so much better than the dating pool. That’s what I’m saying.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:54
I agree
Matthew Hoffman 35:56
Find one right guy.
Kimberly Hoffman 35:57
Yeah.
Christy Primmer 35:57
Yes. And also, I would say, don’t create flaws that aren’t there, create opportunities to grow.
Matthew Hoffman 36:06
Ooo, Nice. Great advice. You guys have been so gracious with your time and being open and sharing from your own experience, we want to give you a shout out and a thank you for being authentic. And you know, the whole goal of the Kickass Couples Podcast is to take from masters of relationships and share what they do and how they do it. So others can maybe get a little insight of what they might do, or glean or keep learning how to level up and strengthen their own relationships. So thank you, for your time and your wisdom. And if people want to learn more about the two of you and what you do, where should they go, and where should they look to connect and see more the good stuff that you guys are doing out there.
Christy Primmer 36:55
But the easiest place to go is to my Instagram, we there’s lots of links there. It’s a very streamlined place that you can see lots of our, our work and of course, follow along the shenanigans. That’s Christy_ Primmer. And yeah, I’d love to hear the takeaways and thank you for your your to you two being courageous to do this and to help spread love and light in the world.
Matthew Hoffman 37:20
Our pleasure.
Kimberly Hoffman 37:20
Great to have you both with with us. It’s been really a lot of fun. And Christy, I know you’re doing a lot of great things out there. So, keep up the great work.
Christy Primmer 37:30
Thank you.
Anthony Primmer 37:31
Thank you.
Matthew Hoffman 37:32
We’ll see you guys out there.
Christy Primmer 37:33
Yeah.
Kimberly Hoffman 37:34
Cheers. That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the Kickass Couples Podcast. If you liked the content of the show, the love Matthews newly released book, “Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage, and Sex.”To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review and Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at podcast@kickasscouplespodcast.com. And we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, “Remember, Happily Ever After Doesn’t Just Happen. It’s on purpose.”