TRANSCRIPT
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
relationship, business, shawn, couples, commitment, kick ass, thinking, areas, la dolce vita, life, marriage, messy, learn, intentional, kim, created, kickass, pillars, review, episode
SPEAKERS
Kimberly Hoffman, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the Kickass Couples Podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who wants to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim, co hosts and husband and wife.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
In 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:43
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex” You can get it at “Amazon.com” or visit Matthews website, “www.matthewphoffman.com” Again, that’s “Amazon.com” or “www.matthewphoffman.com” And now back to the show.
Matthew Hoffman 01:18
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. Today’s episode brings us the highly successful and business savvy couple Renia and Sean Orr who used their business skills and love for one another to form the business LDV La Dolce Vita Elite. Renia is the founder of LDV La Dolce Vita Elite, an international business strategist and transformational coach with 30 years of deep experience. Renia has been a speaker for Fortune 500 companies appearing on NBC Nightly News with Chuck Scarborough and many other publications. Her mission is to empower women to become leaders in their industry, achieve financial freedom and live a life of true purpose. Her signature program La Dolce Vita Elite business mastery is a place for women who are ready to access proven and uniquely personalized business strategies and so much more. Sean is a CFO and Senior Operating Executive who has been successful in a wide range of different business environments from publicly owned to both global and developing stage privately owned companies. He is an effective business advisor and coach who believes in making a big lasting impact by building businesses properly from the foundation up using a values based approach. His executive and consulting experience has involved traveled to over 40 countries and six continents. Sean has held a wide range of senior executive positions such as president and corporate CFO roles at notable companies like PepsiCo Frito Lay and Reader’s Digest. In today’s recap edition episode Kim and I will share our key takeaways from our interview with this dynamic couple. We’ll break down concepts relationship qualities and key pillar points that they’ve used to build their rock solid relationship that will stand the test of time.
Kimberly Hoffman 03:21
Welcome back, everyone to the Kickass Couples Podcast recap episode of Sean and Renia Orr. This is a powerful couple who has a lot of intentionality and who has really been super intentional about their relationship. I really enjoyed everything that we learned from them.
Matthew Hoffman 03:45
They are so dynamic and loving and full of energy and on fire from the get go. I mean it just When were they were talking to him about what made them kick ass and before we even started the interview Renia, she is so intentional about what she does, she talked about and I want to kind of share some of the nuggets if you haven’t heard the full episode, she said she’s wanted to make sure that beginning the interview that way she wants to set the tone and she said “My intention is that this episode brings the highest level of clarity, authenticity and sharing with others on our own journey and inspires all our viewers to create even more beautiful, loving, fulfilling and inspiring relationships.” So she was even intentional about how she was showing up how she and Sean were both showing up in this interview. And man did they show up.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:33
It was beautiful. And what I think I appreciated most is that we really learned how powerful couple can do life and business together.
Matthew Hoffman 04:44
And be successful in both of them. Right?
Kimberly Hoffman 04:45
Exactly. Well, I want to talk a little bit first about what struck me with what made them kick ass. And they both just expressed that they have a vision and a clarity about their commitment and their intentions to and for each other.
Matthew Hoffman 05:05
Yeah, they had a great job. They had so many wonderful practices that they talked about, about how they do it in business, and then how they do it with each other.
Matthew Hoffman 05:13
Yeah.
Matthew Hoffman 05:13
a lot of very, a lot of commonality between how they approach both of those areas of their lives.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:18
Yeah, they’re, they have action plans. And they, again, are very intentional about accountability, and really about how they are going to progress forward in their relationship on a daily basis.
Matthew Hoffman 05:36
I think it was neat how Sean talked about that he goes, we have a vision for our business, we have a vision for our relationship. And we’ve worked to get clarity on that. He said, Why would you do things that are good business practices, and not do them in your relationship as well, you have to, if it works in business, it works in relationships, so we’re gonna be intentional, and mindful and planful in both of those areas of their lives.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:59
Yeah, make sense.
Matthew Hoffman 06:00
It does.
Matthew Hoffman 06:02
Kim, I liked when we were talking about grandpa in your bones, you know, we always like to go back and see what love looked like to people growing up because it really informs, and influences who we are today individually and who we are as a couple. And I think what I really loved about Renia and Seann is they had very different backgrounds, they were difficult for both of them, a Renia came out of Communist,Poland. And she said, man, I just learned survival. And if I learned that I had to have accountability for what I wanted. And they each had another relationship before they found each other. And they were not what they each wanted. They were dissatisfied. And they moved on. And Renia came to the US with a young child. And I think that she said she was single for a while. But what I love most about her experience, and what she brought is that she created in her mind’s eye, the relationship that she was looking for and what she wanted, and it was based on what she knew she needed. And she didn’t have growing up. So she created through prayer, and manifesting, and meditating and thinking she created this vision of this is what I want in a relationship. This is what I want in a man and she held out for that. And Sean showed up. And he had some of the same things in his experience, because he said, I was one of many kids, I didn’t want to fall into the patterns that I had from my family. And I didn’t have the first relationship that was everything that I wanted it to be. So he too, had a vision in his mind’s eye and was working on that relationship. And he found Renia. And it’s so beautiful that each envisioned and pictured and prayed for and meditated and manifested. And they ended up with each other fulfilling each other’s needs.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:46
Yeah. And I think
Matthew Hoffman 07:47
It’s so cool to learn about
Kimberly Hoffman 07:48
Manifestation is a very powerful thing. It’s real. And it does happen. And we saw it happen in this relationship. I think another thing that really stood out to me was with regard to commitment, Renia, you said that my commitment to Sean transcends everything. And that is a decision that we make each day to show up for each other. And they did that through planning and visioning. And they really even establish blueprints of what they want their relationship to be, and goals and how they can move forward with those goals together. And I don’t think enough people do that, you know, I think we’ve done a little bit of that, but it really taught me that, you know, we just don’t need to do it individually. But we really need to create vision boards together. And we really need to be looking and setting goals together and really reviewing those and reevaluating them, and making sure we’re on track. And I love the example that they gave to our listeners of how they do that in their relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 09:02
It was great. I have a personal vision board and inspired us to come out we’re hopefully going to talk about doing one for our relationship together and not just individually and you know, Sean talked about he said these are great business practices and we have to pull them over into our personal life otherwise, you know, the relationships on autopilot is not set it and forget it when you get married. But it’s continuing to invest and Kim on the commitment side, I want to share a quote from Renia she said “Decision means incision, just cutting off all that we don’t want to be a part of and really stepping into our vision, our commitment to how we want to live our life” And I think that’s so true because you know if you think about you’ve got to cut out what is not worthwhile if that means over commitments, extra activities, you know, we think we’d everybody thinks more is better and I love it when Renia said no we got to cut out. We have to cut the stuff out. That’s irrelevant. Cut this stuff out. That’s not good for both of us. Maybe I want it but Sean doesn’t, then it doesn’t need to be in the relationship. And she said decision means incision, what are we going to cut away? That just doesn’t need to be part of the relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 10:12
Sure.
Matthew Hoffman 10:14
When it comes to creating a kick ass marriage, do you ever wonder what you could be doing better? Have you ever thought helpful would be to be a part of a like minded community of other imperfect couples who wants to level up and their number one relationship? Come visit Kickass Couples Nation, where you can talk with people, just like you are looking for ways to invest in and increase their joy, commitment, and fulfillment and their most important human relationship, you’ll have access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars and more. Just visit “Matthewphoffman.com” So you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you level up. That’s “Matthewphoffman.com” So you can become of the growing Kickass Couples Nation right now.
Kimberly Hoffman 11:02
Also, they also pointed out that they really make time to communicate with each other, even though they’re in work. And they’re in business together, that they make sure they have time where they can just sit and talk and plan. I think they said on Sundays, they have a planning day for the week, they try to do a beach walk or a beach thinking time, every day. And so they’re really creating that space where they can be together, and really have some open, honest conversation with each other.
Matthew Hoffman 11:45
Yeah, you have to be intentional with it, and you have to schedule and plan it. And I think the more time that you’re mindful in planning and doing that they do it. And that’s allowed them to have just stellar communication with each other. And I loved to see that. And that, you know, they’re reviewing their performance together, too. They say that not just how, because they’re in business together. Sean is a retired executive is now supporting and working with Renia and her business. And he said, we have to have performance reviews, not just of the business, how is the business doing? But how’s our relationship doing and taking that time to communicate, and review how well we’re doing? And making sure that the relationship is where we want it? And if it’s not, what are we going to do? How are he said, How are we going to adjust and trim the sales to make sure that that relationship is performing the way we want it and that we need it too and I love that.
Kimberly Hoffman 12:38
And it’s notable too that health and wellness plays a really big part in their relationship, because they want to be able to be healthy so that they can show up for each other. So individual, health, mind, body, spirit, and then also coming together and being the best that they can be for their spouse.
Matthew Hoffman 13:02
Yeah and Sean talked about being transparent, you know, he said, I have to be completely transparent with her about everything business and about everything in the relationship. So having candor, being open, being honest, because he’s not worried about what is Renia going to think about me if I say or do this, but I’ve got to get it out there. And we have to talk about it. And so they’ve given each other permission to have that communication, and be transparent in both areas of their life, and it’s just paid off in spades for them.
Kimberly Hoffman 13:31
Yeah, I think when it comes to conflict resolution, they had some really good thoughts there as well. You know, they both receive coaching and know the value and understand the value of that. If there are couples out there that are listening, that have sort of been on the fence about that I cannot express to you enough how important it is to either receive coaching (if you’re able to), some type of marriage enrichment program. I think we’ve seen the benefit of that in our own relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 14:04
You know, it’s really easy to just get stuck in the day to day routines and forget about really getting involved in and really nourishing your relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 14:04
No doubt.
Matthew Hoffman 14:18
Yeah, it’s easy to let it take a backseat. I think Sean talks about the importance of understanding and conflict resolution. He goes, You got to know what the triggers are. And you got to know what the patterns are. And if you know what your partner’s triggers are A, you can avoid them. And if you know what the patterns are, you can help hold them accountable to not repeating patterns that are not successful, or ended up in problems. And he said, you know, he said, Renia’s the messer upper, you know, and he goes, we had to learn that that’s just she’s messy sometimes and she may say things she doesn’t mean or things she regrets. But he goes I don’t take it personally because I realized that’s how she communicates and how she works. He said I’m an avoider. I don’t want to talk about it. I want to go I stick my head in the sand, and I shut down, I get angry, I get frustrated he goes, but we each understand what their triggers and patterns are, and allows them to be effective in communicating and minimizing the conflicts as they work towards understanding. And he had another phrase, he said, we’ve got to when there’s been conflict or misunderstanding, he goes at the right time, we come back. And I think Renia shared this too, we have to do a post mortem. We got to say, All right, what happened? What went well? what didn’t go well? And what can we learn from what happened so we don’t step in the landmine or step in that sticky stuff we don’t like again, and end up in the same problem. And I love that you got to, it’s like, okay, when it’s not tender, and in the heat of the moment, let’s come back and review it, and figure out what we can learn from so we don’t repeat this in the future.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:51
Well, we all have a messy side, we’re all human, we’re all imperfect, we’re going to make mistakes. But just knowing what those messy sides or those weaknesses are important
Matthew Hoffman 16:04
And avoiding them and Kim, we, I think you had some good things to share. I think Renia was talking about an overflow thinking? What did you get when Renia was talking about that concept of overflow thinking?
Kimberly Hoffman 16:14
Yeah, she had some great things to say that really resonated with me. And that was, whatever you’re working on, or whatever change you want to bring to your relationship, really is something that expands to our whole life. So for example, if you were working on the pillar of intimacy, and you’re really working hard to have better and more intimacy with your spouse, just by doing that, it’s going to spill over automatically into other areas and other pillars in your relationship. So whatever you’re focused on, it’s going to open you up to all this wide range of other changes, and positive changes.
Matthew Hoffman 17:01
I love that. You know, everybody thinks, you know, we have 14 pillars, which can seem kind of daunting, and it sounds like a lot. And you know, we’re talking about intimacy before and people say there’s six kinds of intimacy, there’s nine, there’s ten. And you can feel overwhelmed, like, how can I possibly work on all these things at once. And I think what I love Kim, about Renia’s point that you brought out, when you work on one thing, intimacy, commitment, communication, and you make a change there, it impacts and interlaces with everything else in the relationship. So you’re not going to just see improvement or positive change in one area, you’re going to see it in so many. So it’s okay to take a rifle approach and work on one thing. And it’s not about doing one thing, 100% better, it’s about doing 100 things just a couple percent better. And I think her point was, if you focus and you look at our 14 pillars, you just work on one pillar, and having a substantive impact in that one area, it’s going to have pay you spades and all those other areas. So don’t, you don’t need to be overwhelmed if you’re thinking about your relationship, and oh my gosh, we have so much we have to work on. I feel that way sometimes is there’s so many ways I could seek improvement. But if you just really hone it down to one, and see how you can have a focus to improve in one area, you’re gonna get that payoff in all the areas in your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:20
Yeah. And she said, when you show up and you show up fully, everyone benefits from that, right? So I love that as well. They were just such an awesome couple with so much love, and intentionality and wisdom to share with our listeners, I do hope that you will go back and listen to this podcast in its entirety, you’re gonna find a lot of fruit.
Matthew Hoffman 18:48
A lot of fruit to work on the relationship, how to approach business, (if you’re in business together) and what a beautiful symphony they have transcribed and put together in their relationship. And I want to kind of end with a quote from Renia that she said, you know, “would not go into business without a plan and the commitment and the passion and growth and expansion is part of it. So this is the same formula that applies back to a kick ass couples relationships”, she said, and that’s what we want in our business. And that’s what we want in our life. So we hope that you go back and check this whole episode out, you’ll get lots of great stuff. And if you’re thinking man, I would love to be able to learn how to work on one of these pillars and to deepen my relationship is great, but I want it to be better. Come check out Kickass Couples Nation, if you haven’t been there, go to “Matthewphoffman.com”, look what we have. We are committed to helping you prioritize your number one relationship. We have books, we have bimonthly webinars and so many resources that you can level up and deepen and strengthen your number one relationship. Thanks for listening. If you liked this episode, we hope you’ll give us a great rating wherever you listen and remember
Kimberly Hoffman 20:00
Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.
Matthew Hoffman 20:04
Thanks a lot we’ll see you guys out there.
Kimberly Hoffman 21:28
That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the Kickass Couples Podcast. If you liked the content of the show, the love Matthews newly released book, “Kickaass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex” To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate the show and leave a review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at “podcast@kickasscouples podcast.com” And we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.