Hey there, Kick-Ass Couples! Kimberly and Matthew Hoffman here, with another exhilarating blog post, dedicated to empowering you in your journey to a thriving relationship. We recently had the pleasure of hosting the incredible Chris Cambas, LMFT, elite KCN therapist, and co-author of the book “Kick-Ass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage, and Sex.” Chris is a relationship guru with over 35,000 hours of counseling and training under his belt! Needless to say, we were thrilled to pick his brain on how to achieve red hot intimacy in a relationship.
In our conversation, Chris provided us with some eye-opening insights that we couldn’t wait to share with you all. Here’s what we learned and our key takeaways:
1. Commitment is Key: Many couples find themselves dissatisfied in their relationships because they got married without fully understanding the magnitude of the commitment they were making. Life can bulldoze us, leading to existential crises, and we may project our dissatisfaction onto our partners. To build a red hot intimacy, we need to commit to the relationship every day in both big and small ways, treating it as something larger than ourselves.
2. Turning Towards Each Other: Chris emphasized that every interaction with our partner is like a deposit into the trust bank. We choose to either turn towards or away from them in every interaction, discussion or shared experience. Making a conscious effort to turn towards our partner, giving them our full attention and being present, thoughtful and singularly available builds trust and strengthens the bond.
3. Friendship First: Chris made a crucial point about building a strong foundation through friendship. Before diving headfirst into physical intimacy, take the time to get to know each other on a deeper level. Ask questions about their family of origin, their childhood and even their relationship history. Genuine, deeper friendship opens the door to more profound connections and better sex.
4. Genuine Interest and Curiosity: We often underestimate the importance of getting to know our partner’s inner world. Asking questions and showing genuine interest in their thoughts, dreams, fears and current feelings helps build intimacy and emotional connection.
5. Physical Intimacy is Deeper Than Just Sex: Great sex goes beyond physical pleasure; it’s about connecting on a soul-to-soul level. Focus on personal sex, where two souls dance together and connect emotionally rather than relying solely on the physical aspect.
6. Beware of Immediate Gratification: Jumping into sexual intimacy without building a strong friendship first may lead to a lack of or extremely weak emotional connection in the long run. Catch those little foxes that could harm the vineyard of your relationship early so they cannot wreak havoc later on!
There you have it! Red hot intimacy is within your grasp. Start by committing to your partner, turning towards each other often with genuine interest, and cultivating a deep, connected friendship. By building a foundation of trust and emotional connection, you’ll find that passionate sex and a satisfying relationship are a natural outcome of all your foundational work..
Relationships are like fine wine; they get better with time. Don’t rush the process—savor every moment, and invest in your partner and your relationship. Until next time, Kick-Ass Couples, keep striving to keep the love alive, and stoking that red hot intimacy!
Remember, happily after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.