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Kimberly Hoffman, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the Kickass Couples Podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who want to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim, co-hosts and husband and wife.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
In 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:42
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage, and Sex. You can get it at “Amazon.com” or visit Matthews website, www.matthewphoffman.com” Again, that’s “Amazon.com” or www.matthewphoffman.com” And now back to the show.
Matthew Hoffman 01:18
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. In today’s episode, we are interviewing the shining duo Marie-Claire and Nick Cates a dynamic Passion Driven couple who worked their way to becoming two incredibly successful entrepreneurs and one kick ass couple. As a teenager, Marie-Claire immigrated to the US from Haiti. She’s the founder and CEO of a multimillion dollar beauty business called acne experts skincare located in Beverly Hills. She has become a sought after beauty and lifestyle expert on social media. Her proudest accomplishment was being able to provide her son with the support he needed for stability and life success. Marie has tackled fear and shame firsthand, learning to embrace challenges as stepping stones on the path to an amazing life with their true love Nick Cates, Nick had a dream of becoming an NBA or NFL star. But his teachers identified and nurtured his unique penchant for writing where his love for storytelling grew and landed him at BET and PBS where his TV career started. He has had many successful production roles from the E Series celebrity homes, to developing specials for a&e style, vibe TV and E entertainment. Nick launched the real estate company show pads and has had a production company called minefield productions. Nick continues to thrive as a realtor, real estate investor, developer and devoted husband. In today’s recap edition episode Kim and I will share our key takeaways from our interview with this dynamic couple will break down concepts relationship qualities and key pillar points that they’ve used to build their rock solid relationship that will stand the test of time. Welcome back to the kick ass couples podcast. We are thrilled to be with you today for a recap episode. With Marie-Claire and Nick Cates. We had an East Coast West Coast connection going on for this interview and had so much fun with his high energy couple, Kim weren’t they aghast to be with?
Kimberly Hoffman 03:33
They were so dynamic. And just when you say high energy, you’ve nailed it because they have such positive, high energy that really just sets off the tone right when you know you dive in with them. So I think everyone’s gonna love this episode. It’s incredible. I’m excited to recap it. Matthew, what are some things that stood out to you in this interview?
Matthew Hoffman 03:59
Well, you know, it was it was a lot of fun for me because it I had high expectations because I got the chance to talk with them briefly before the interview, and I really loved how they how they started out. I think, you know, we always ask people what makes them tick. And then we go right into our pillars. I think Kim, one of my biggest takeaways from this interview with Marie-Claire and Nick, was when they’re talking about their families of origin, and they talked about how they both received love and saw love demonstrated as they were growing up, and they were radically different. And so it’s really kind of cool to see how they came together as a couple and one of the things that Nick shared is that he grew up in a household with a mother and father, but he said he had additional family members he had his grandmother and great grandmother that lived with him for a while or in the same house and and not in the same house and in the same neighborhood. And he used a phrase called layers of love, and I really love that concept and kind of wanted to talk about it a little bit. Because his mom and dad, he said my dad was the disciplinarian about business were preparing you for life and his mom was more tender. But he said he had a grandmother and a great grandmother. So we had two more layers of love. And I think that’s a great concept, not just in someone when you’ve got extended family, right, growing up. But in our own experience, you and I have had some incredible layers of love that have come from your parents as grandparents but, and my dad has a second family with two other kids and got remarried and my mom passed away. But it was so cool to see all the layers of love, that have come out in our experience through my sister through relatives, through neighbors and friends. And there’s a lot of people that come in and play those roles and provide that love. So even though with Nick and Marie-Claire, they didn’t necessarily get the same thing growing up, Nick shared that idea about layers of love. And I think it’s important to remember, in couples and relationships that you’ve really got to think about your relationship is not just the two people, but it’s all the other people that have an impact and influence. And those layers really build who we are. And that was the case with these two.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:11
Yeah, love to hear about the generations of love that Nick experience. And I to your point, I think it’s amazing when you’re able to experience that in your relationship, because not all of us grow up with maybe a parent, right? Maybe one parent is deceased, sadly, and so many, we have so many different dynamics and all of our families that when we are able to get that mothering and that fathering from other influences, and other people, it’s such a blessing to us. And so I’m sure a lot of our listeners can resonate with the fact that we all experience love and receive love in different ways. And I especially loved hearing about this layer of love concept, because I feel like it is something that Nick really benefited from and used in his own relationship with Marie-Claire.
Matthew Hoffman 07:11
Yeah, absolutely. It was a funny concept. So that was kind of my first big takeaway that came out of our time with this couple. Yeah. How about you? What was one thing that you can,
Kimberly Hoffman 07:20
I really appreciate the way Marie-Claire and Nick communicate with each other. I think they have a fabulous appreciation of each other. And that was a really big theme throughout the entire interview was how much they appreciate each other. And I think that when they know what each other’s love languages are, and she, Marie-Claire said, you know, when I speak, he listens, and vice versa. And I think so many of us get caught in halfway listening, or, you know, it’s maybe just kind of, you know, I’m over here working on something else. And yeah, I got you. But she said, I know that when I speak, he’s always listening. And that really resonated with me, because communication is a huge pillar that we talk about. And when a spouse is trying to get the other’s attention or trying to communicate with them. It’s so important that we practice active listening. And I think they do that.
Matthew Hoffman 08:20
They do. And so communication was important to Nick as well. And he used the example that when they first got together before they lead up to marriage, he said Marie-Claire had a habit, a bad habit of talking over him and finishing his sentences and trying to anticipate where he was going in the situation, instead of giving him the room and giving him the space to share. And so, and she was really open for that influence, which we know is really important in any relationship to be open to that. And she listened to what he had to say. And she goes, Oh, my gosh, I realized not only was I in my communication with him, I was doing it with my family I’m doing with the people I work with. And she goes big life lesson takeaway to listen, to learn and understand, right? Not listening to speak. And I think that’s so huge about communication is really what your motive is your motive to understand and seek to understand how your spouse is feeling and what they want to relay and give to you in the relationship, or are you just trying to blow through what they have to say, to get to your turn to speak and it’s a very distinct difference in your communication style?
Kimberly Hoffman 09:30
Yeah, my biggest takeaway from that communication skill is that, you know, she was always trying to finish everyone’s story and I thought, oh, my gosh, I do the same thing. You know, it’s a bad habit to be in because it’s really hard to stop doing when you find yourself over and over again, trying to finish everyone’s stories or speak over someone. So I appreciated her bringing that to the forefront in this interview.
Matthew Hoffman 09:58
Yeah, I loved kind of another takeaway from me when we were talking about commitment, and they, they know, they both openly said, Hey, we were in previous relationships, and they didn’t go well. And they both had kind of a bad taste in their mouth. So Nick was sharing the story that when they came back together, they were kind of coming from different places, originally, relative to commitment. Marie-Claire said, you know, what happy to be in a committed relationship doesn’t need to be married for me to be happy, didn’t have a great experience before, I don’t want to set up for that again. And Nick said, I got a very different opinion. He goes, I am dating to find my life partner, and somebody that I can take responsibility for, and commit to. And she had to step back and go, Whoa, that I think that kind of gave her chills and hit her a little bit differently. And I love the idea. He said, I wanted to make sure that I was staking a claim on the person that I love and going all in. So he’s like, Man, I put a stake in the ground. She’s mine, I’m committed to her. And I’m going to do whatever it takes. And what was so cool, is that his step in making that claim and taking that commitment allowed her to see what he was doing. And she changed her mind and became, became to understand how important it was for her to make the same claim all in all, for one and I loved that, again, she’s open for influence. And he that kind of formed the success that they share today. When it comes to creating a kick ass marriage. Do you ever wonder what you could be doing better? Have you ever thought helpful would be to be a part of a like minded community of other imperfect couples who want to level up and their number one relationship? Come visit kick ass couples nation, where you can talk with people, just like you are looking for ways to invest in an increase their joy, commitment, and fulfillment in their most important human relationship, you’ll have access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars, and more. Just visit “Matthewphoffman.com.”So you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you level up. That’s “Matthewphoffman.com” So you can become of the growing Kickass Couples Nation right now.
Kimberly Hoffman 12:14
And I think what you just said about being open for influence, it’s the mark we all miss. Right? We’re all of a sudden, you know, we feel like we’re being come at, and we shut down. And we’re not really ready to listen, and we’re not really ready to hear maybe something that we need to hear about ourselves in a very loving way, of course. And one of the examples that they gave about being open to influence and about conflict resolution was superb. And that was, you’ll have to listen to it in the interview, of course. But that was just a small example about the way that she had been responding to him when he’s just trying to look for something. Right. So maybe she’s organized, and he’s not so organized. And he’s trying to look for something he can’t find it. And, you know, she’s kind of saying, well, it’s over here, like where it always is, you know, just sort of that
Matthew Hoffman 13:18
Scolding them almost or giving them a little grief for you need help.
Kimberly Hoffman 13:21
Then There’s that undertone of Oh, my gosh, here we go again, right? And he said, Stop. You know, I, I want to be able to ask you for help. And I want to be able to be in a safe place to ask you for help and not feel poorly about it or embarrassed about it, or like I’ve done something wrong. And
Matthew Hoffman 13:43
or you being put out by your partner. Yeah. Because they have to help you. Right? exactly.
Kimberly Hoffman 13:47
And he said, I want to be able to come to you for help. And she’s she said, Oh my gosh, I didn’t take a step back. Because she was like, Oh my gosh, I don’t, I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t come to me for help. And so that was an aha moment, I think for her. But what I really loved in this interview is that they kept giving example after example, that we can just sort of take away from their experiences and learn from
Matthew Hoffman 14:19
I think there’s two other ideas kind of came, you know, a lot of you’ve heard the expression nipped in the bud, right? And that mean that a problem that Kim was talking about, if you listen to the whole interview was right before a date they were going on, and they stopped. And they said we’re gonna handle this now. And in my book, Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex is a chapter that’s entitled “Nip it in the Bud.” And if you think about, you know, being a gardener and a planter, it’s a great analogy. By the way for a relationship. You want to be the gardener of your partner’s soul, and care and feeding and do all the things so that they can thrive and grow but nipping something in the bud means you’re cutting off the early or the dead growth. So the rest of the flower or plant can thrive and do well. So nipping in the bud is a gardening term and we’re talking about conflict resolution, that means you’re handling things when they happen, and not letting them grow or fester. Because a they’re easier to do, it might be an inconvenience, right? I’m busy work kids, use a Gosh, let’s just slow down and take the time. But slowing that down and taking that time and handling the issues, keeps them from festering, turning into something that they weren’t originally right when it occurred, and it gets it off the plate. And it means you both can have resolution and clarity about it, and move forward as you’ve sought to get that understanding. So I think that’s another layer in there. And it’s a great story of and Marie taking influence, accepting influence from Nick. And that situation, I thought was great.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:51
Being willing to do that is huge. I also love about this couple, we talked a little bit about it earlier. But appreciation that is one of their favorite pillars, it’s both of their favorite pillars. And they just have so much love, appreciation and respect for each other. And that above all else is what flows into their relationship out of their relationship into their families and into their businesses. And they’re both just happy. People who say that, you know, we want to keep it late, we want to keep it easy. We want it to be fun. This is what’s most important to us. And so we try not to ever take anything too seriously, and be too uptight or worked up about things. And I love that that takes a lot of daily work, I think because it’s really easy to get caught up in your day and in your work and your business. And, you know, she is running three businesses, he has a multitude of businesses, he’s an entrepreneur as well. And they just, you know, they’re in their own little vortexes out side of their relationship, right and then coming together, but with such love, appreciation, ease, and fun.
Matthew Hoffman 17:14
And I think what’s so neat is that, you know, everybody likes to feel or express appreciation differently. And there’s kind of two sides of appreciation in a relationship, it’s important for me to know how Kim likes to be appreciated. I know her love languages, I know how she receives things. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like all the styles, but there’s some that she if, for example, she came home from a trip just the other day, and I know that it’s important for her to feel that her space is clean and organized because of her space that she’s in her home. Her office, the car is not clean and organized, she doesn’t feel settled. And so she’s willing to do the work no matter how tired she may be to get it that way. So I said you know what, when she comes home after four days of being with our college aged son, a lot of late nights trying to keep up with a 22 year old, she’s gonna be ready just to relax and let down. So I made sure the house was clean, organized, everything was in a place fresh flowers, a meal was ready, because I wanted to come into the environment and be relaxed. Okay. It’s important to her. And so I took the time to do that. Because I know it’s one of her needs. It’s not right for me to go, Oh, why does she need that she needs to get over it, she just got to be happy no matter where she is. Right? That would not be me appreciating my spouse because it’s what she likes and what she’s important. And that’s one kind of appreciation. Another kind of appreciation is your partner letting you express yourself the way you like to express yourself. It’s not always about you. So if I’m a crazy silly guy, and I like to crank the music, I do almost everything in music. And I love to cook to it clean to it, you know, exercise, I love to and it’s all different kinds of music, shower, music, I’d be loud enough to hear over the shower. So she knows that about me. And that’s a way of my expression in a way that she can show appreciation for me by enabling me to get something that’s important to me. So it’s about letting others express who they are truly. And also knowing how people like to be appreciated, and working to give them what they want, not what you want to give.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:19
Matthew Hoffman 19:21
So any anything else that you came away with that we want to share with our listeners before we close up here?
Kimberly Hoffman 19:28
You know, I think that they realize and recognize the value that each of them bring to each other’s lives. And they are continuing to grow and to learn and to be open. And I think that that’s one of the things that I really loved and appreciated about this couple in particularly is that they are, you know, a work in progress and they admit that but and they’re willing and open to really like use had the influence to growing together at a learning together and loving each other just, you know, completely. So
Matthew Hoffman 20:07
Yeah, I love that. And I think a kind of a great closing thought maybe put a nice bookend on this as Nick talked about he said, you know, he said the work is never going to be done. You there’s always more than just like the inbox, the emails, the text or calls, you’re always going to be something to do he goes, You got to fall in love with the process, because there’s always things to do because you always have to strive to get better, you’re not going to reach a pinnacle or mountain top and stop because you’re good enough. So relax and understand that there’s nothing too serious going on here. Enjoy the ride and enjoy the ride and man they do and they did. And we got to listen to the whole interview with this couple. They were just so full of love and joy and gratitude and appreciation. We can’t help but feel good when you listen to the to these, talk them and hang out with them. We’re gonna add yet another couple read into the list. And Marie and Nick, if you’re listening, we want to Marie-Claire and Nick, we’re gonna come hang out with you guys in LA and we got a lot of friends we’re building on the west coast. So go back and listen to the whole interview, you’ll get some great stuff a very mature outlook, I think they’ve only been together. You know, this is your second marriage so they didn’t start together. But man, they are finishing strong and lots of great examples of very mature and great deep dive into what’s truly important about a relationship. So we hope you’ll listen to the episode if you like it. Give us a rating and a like wherever you listen to your podcasts, and send a screenshot to firstname.lastname@example.org. And we’ve got something for if you leave us a review on any of our platforms.
Kimberly Hoffman 21:42
And remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose. That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the Kickass Couples Podcast. If you like the content of the show, the love Matthews newly released book : Kickass Husband: “Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex.” To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate the show and leave your review in Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at “email@example.com.” And we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.