Commitment to doing the hard stuff, forgiving when you don’t want to forgive, and forgetting when you don’t wanna forget is what our guests on the Kickass Podcast, Stephanie and Brad White, said makes them a Kickass Couple, and allows them to keep moving forward in their marriage. Brad shared that Stephanie is a great forgiver. Anybody that lasts a long time in marriage has got to be great at forgiving! That’s just what it takes.
Learning to see the good when you don’t wanna see the good is also important in a marriage according to Stephanie. She says that you must keep remembering why you fell in love, how you fell in love, and what you like about that person. To keep that spark going she feels it’s also important to always remember why you enjoy being with them and why you became friends and lovers in the first place.
How does this Kickass Couple handle the blowups? How do they handle things when something has really gone wrong? What does it look like in their relationship to resolve conflict?
Keeping their priorities in line is where Stephanie feels things should begin when addressing a conflict. She explained that once your priorities have lined up, then you can discuss where the disagreement is. But, it’s important not to hold things in. You must rip the bandaid off and share your feelings. If your partner hurts your feelings, and you don’t say anything, it just continues to metastasize and grow. Her advice is to tell your partner when they’ve said or done something that’s hurt your feelings, and to do it with love. This is because it’s the manner in which you do it that will be the manner in which they receive it.
Brad agrees. He mentioned that they can disagree on something and still have a great relationship because they like living in peace and want to resolve things. He feels you’ve got to just talk it out, resolve it and work through it.
Marriage is a journey of learning to do what you don’t want to do, according to Brad. It’s learning to eat foods that you didn’t want to eat, to go to new places and to be in a family with people that you didn’t grow up with. It just is what it is. He suggested asking yourself what you’re going to be glad you did when you’re 75. When you look back and examine the decisions you made when you were younger and in the thick of it, will you be proud of that decision later in life with the benefit of perspective and wisdom?
Stephanie and Brad shared that there is no ripcord in their commitment to one another. They’re in it for the long haul. It’s a huge stabilizing factor in their lives, and in the lives of their children and grandchildren. It’s important for them to give that to their family. They feel like it’s their legacy and their kids are part of the “spillover”of that legacy. Their kids like to be around them, not just with their buddies. Part of the blessing of being successfully together as a married couple is that they can laugh, have fun and be friends with their kids. The kids see them laugh together and that spillover is the kids wanting to spend time with them. They want to be with mom and dad because they’re fun.
Stephanie and Brad admit their kids have not seen a perfect marriage. They’ve lived their relationship out in the open, so that others can see that there is no perfect marriage and we all make mistakes. Honesty about their imperfections is important to them, so that others can see how they are able to resolve their issues, understand and accept what they cannot change about each other and feel a sense of hope and learn that everyone faces tough challenges in their own experience..
We’re really grateful to Stephanie and Brad White for coming onto the Kickass Couples podcast and sharing with us what makes their love last. Click here to watch or listen to their Kickass Couples Podcast episode.
Until next time. Remember, happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.