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Is Unpacked Baggage Hurting Your Relationship?

By April 13, 2022No Comments

What a dynamic couple! Beverly and Tom Rodgers gave us a lot to unpack when we interviewed them on the Kickass Couples Podcast. We’re going to go deep on some stuff today that we haven’t really talked about before. It may sound new to you all, but, it’s going to be really helpful.

The first thing they dove right into on the podcast was their soul healing love model, which is a technique they developed to intentionally help themselves, as well as others, heal deep wounds. They both came from very fractured homes, their families of origin were about abuse, divorce, and a lot of struggles. They both entered their relationship fractured with significant dysfunction. They both brought a lot of baggage to the table.

The soul healing love model is about healing deep wounds using neuropsychological and biblical underpinnings. It’s tools, exercises, and specific processes  that you can do to change your thought patterns and your behaviors. They, like many other couples, had those struggles and that need for healing. This is  how the soul-healing love model began. 

They said that the key to the model is healing the wounds of the past, otherwise, what’s going to happen is they’re going to continue to play out in your relationship right now. Even if you’re in a relationship that’s awesome and things are going swimmingly, there’s always stuff from the past that will create issues if you haven’t dealt with, talked about, or addressed it- let alone shared it with your spouse.

There are things that didn’t come out in our marriage until just a couple of years ago when we were getting some counseling support to make our marriage better. We uncovered things that we never really talked about. Until we dealt with those, they remained as big pieces of furniture in the room of our relationship . 

We love that Beverly assured us that you can change the models of the past so they’re not present in your relationship today. She also said that what you speak is your destiny. Your words matter. When you say something to your spouse, or if you’re saying it about yourself out loud to your spouse, it matters. If you don’t want it to become real, don’t speak it. When you say it, you’re giving it even more power and planting it as a belief in your own thought. 

Make sure you’re speaking words of what you want to be, even though it may not be that way. If you speak the words, psychologically, you’re giving yourself the oxygen and permission to experience it. That was a huge takeaway for us.

We want to share a little story that talks about baggage. There are people at the base of a mountain. They’re all trying to get to the top. Everybody thinks they know what they need, what path they’re going to go up, and what they will carry. Their ascension up the mountain, both figuratively and literally, will depend on what kind of baggage they’re carrying. The people that are carrying all kinds of baggage with them including issues that aren’t resolved, things they’re  not willing to let go of, or too many possessions, are pretty down low on the mountain. They can’t ascend or go higher when they’re carrying all that crap. The people that choose what they think to be the shortest distance find themselves on the most difficult path, and their ascent is also slow. The quality of our relationships is determined by the kind of baggage we have, what we don’t want to let go of or insist on carrying, and the path we choose to take. 

It might take a little longer to do a zigzag or a back and forth path as we ascend and try to learn more, but it’s going to be more steady. And in the journey of life, you see people all over the roadway, right? Some people have flat tires and other people’s hoods are up with engines that have exploded. Everybody’s in a different stage of that, but the key in relationships is that if you don’t handle the baggage, it’s going drag you down and slow you down. 

We love that love Beverly and Tom came out of their own experience having figured out the right way that worked for them to solve their issues.  They now teach this proven and personal model  to others. They can give you the science, psychology, and counseling that goes with it to help you understand it and receive it in the right way. These are not just people who are teaching because they haven’t done it. They’ve done itand they also teach it quite effectively. 

We’re so grateful that you took the time to join us on this recap of our interview with Tom and Beverly Rogers today!

Until next time. Remember, happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.