TRANSCRIPT
Navigating Communication Conflicts Ep. 59 Jenny and Chris Swisher
Mon, 7/11 6:58AM • 23:28
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
jenny, relationship, chris, kickass, couples, marriage, support, appreciated, expressing, appreciation, communicate, talking, couple, recognizes, kim, life, modeled, different roles, podcast, matthew
SPEAKERS
Kimberly Hoffman, Matthew Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the Kickass Couples Podcast. This is the place where we help many couples who want to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Kim, co-hosts and husband and wife.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
in 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:43
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, “Kickass Husband: Winning at Life, Marriage and Sex.” You can get it at www.amazon.com or visit Matthew’s website, www.matthewphoffman.com Again, that’s www.amazon.com or www.matthewphoffman.com. And now back to the show.
Matthew Hoffman 01:18
We’re excited to be joined today by Kickass couple Jenny and Chris Swisher. Jenny is a certified personal trainer and fitness nutrition specialist. After years of struggling with her hormones she learned how to live in alignment with her body and created a personal brand, Jenny Swisher LLC, teaching other women how to manage their hormones so they can maximize their energy and be their best for themselves and the ones they love. Chris is a former high school science teacher whose passion is also fitness. They met fell in love and married and are the proud parents of two beautiful daughters. Chris joins Jenny as CTO and CFO. And together they work at building Jenny’s line of digital products, courses and podcast. In today’s recap edition episode, Kim and I will share our key takeaways from our interview with this dynamic couple will break down concepts relationship qualities, and key pillar points that they’ve used to build their rock solid relationship that will stand the test of time.
Kimberly Hoffman 02:24
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. Today we are doing a RECAP episode of Jenny and Chris Swisher. Jenny and Chris are high school sweethearts. They have been married for a long time been together since high school. And they are definitely a kick ass couple. They’ve got great energy. And Jenny has a wonderful online business. And I just I really enjoyed talking to this couple. They are Kickass because they started right away, learning how to grow together to support each other and to grow together in their relationship. And I think it’s notable that, you know, they went to high school together, then they went to two separate universities. And so they actually had their own lives, separate from their relationship. But we’re able to come back together and really early on support each other in their hopes and their dreams and in their aspirations for themselves as well as their relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 03:40
Well said, Kim, and they’re such a fun couple. And I mean, they live together, they work together, they spend more and more time together. And when you have that opportunity, you and I work a little bit together, we still work a little bit apart as well. But being together all the time, I think really puts an extra stress and pressure on a relationship because you’ve got to navigate business things, family things, personal things, it’s really hard to draw the line and figure out what’s business, what’s family, and how you work in those relationships. And they seem to have done it really well because they’re both cognizant, aware and present I think with that. And they came from really different backgrounds. I mean, they both had great family upbringings and different family situations. And I think they each came with different skill sets and different ways to approach their relationship. I think I think it kind of took them some time to figure out that dance with each other and how they’re going to approach some of those things.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:42
Sure, while they while they came from very similar wonderful childhoods, you’re right they the way things were modeled to them were very different. And so learning how to come to their relationship and work through Some of those things was something that, that they did early on and then continued throughout the relationship. And I believe that they really had this common theme in their marriage of you know, they each took on different roles throughout the relationship or throughout the marriage and just supporting each other throughout those different roles, I think was really notable.
Matthew Hoffman 05:28
Yeah, and I mean, two thirds of their marriage over 10 years, they didn’t have any children. So that dynamic wasn’t there. It was just the two of them. And I think they’ve gotten into a pretty nice rhythm of how to work how to be together. You know, Jenny, I think says something like every night was date night, because we got to do basically whatever we wanted, for quite a long time. And we’re so blessed to have children. And it changed their routine, though. And they had to figure out how to navigate connecting together and one of the things that they came in and a different kind of paradigm for them to face.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:02
Yeah, I appreciated that. You know, they were pretty candid about their struggle with communication, in that Chris was came from a family who didn’t really openly communicate well, they held everything in, everything was sort of bottled up, and they just didn’t express a lot to each other. And Jenny’s was completely opposite. You know, if there is an issue, we’re hashing it out, we’re talking about it, and we’re going to work through it. And so then each coming to the relationship with those different backgrounds, again, it’s something that they a dance that they needed to learn how to do together in, I believe that Chris got a lot more open and learn to be a lot more vulnerable, and to really talk and be open about how he feels,
Matthew Hoffman 06:58
yeah, emotions, expressing emotions, and being vulnerable is difficult. And it wasn’t modeled to Chris, he said, I knew my parents love me, they were there every sporting event, he said, but they never expressed open affection to each other. So it wasn’t modeled for him, he wasn’t sure how to do it. And what’s so interesting is his biggest Love Languages touch loves to be touched, which is expression of, you know, a physical admiration and joy and love. So he was so needy of that. And Jenny recognizes that, and also did a great job helping him explore. And she said, one of her proudest times was seeing Chris with his parents, and when he didn’t back down on an issue, but kind of addressed it, and was talking about how he felt what they did, and how it made him feel. And that’s such a great example. Because Jenny supporting his growth as an individual, but also his growth within their own relationship. And we’ve talked a lot about before on the Kickass Couples Podcast, there’s always two viewpoints at play in a situation yours and the other persons. And everybody is allowed to feel the way they feel. And she recognized that and supported him in that. And he has really grown into that. And they have a wonderful relationship because of their ability to do that together.
Kimberly Hoffman 08:15
And they really have been committed to really going alongside of each other in their journey. And, you know, they’ve, they’ve had these different roles in life. I know that in the beginning, Ginny was home, right when they start having children. And she was really, the one sort of holding down the fort. And Chris was out working. And then those roles reversed. And I really appreciated how Chris really noted and understood once those roles were reversed, how much work it was to stay home. And he really was very good about voicing that and acknowledging that and letting Jenny know how much he appreciated what she did, because now being in those shoes, he understood what kind of work it took to hold down the home front and to raise children.
Matthew Hoffman 09:17
Yeah, and I mean, they’re flowing with the seasons of their relationship and taking the turns being the lead, taking the turns being supportive. And that dance continues even though because they’re working together. And Chris is that the behind the scenes person, the CFO and the vice president of that company supporting Jenny and some of the business ventures, and she’s the person leading out front, he’s taking a stronger lead on the home front, even though she’s involved there as well. And it was just a beautiful knitting together of finding those roles, but not losing sight of each other’s dreams and supporting each other and, and I thought that was a beautiful example. You know, one of those changes can you know, kind of talking a little bit about communication For a minute, you know, they made that transition of no kids, to having kids. And it really forced them to rethink how we communicate, because they were so used to open communication, not allow the demands on their time for each other. And then they have two kids. And they said, I think Jenny stated, she said, growing together doesn’t happen if you’re not talking. And she said, they knew they had to carve out that specific time for them to connect for them to communicate. And she said, they’re evenings, right now, after the kids go to bed. Chris has learned how to become a night owl, because the kids are in bed, eight o’clock, 830. They’ve got the next three hours together to debrief to catch up to check in to hang out to destress watch a movie goes, we rarely get through a movie, because we’re pausing it so many times. Oh, I forgot to tell you. And did you remember that and they’re getting those connections, and making sure that they’re investing in pouring back in to that relationship,
Kimberly Hoffman 10:54
it’s so easy to each sort of want to have that downtime in the evening, and the kids have gone to bed to get caught up in I’m gonna go watch whatever I’m, you know, my series that I’m binge watching now and you go do yours. And the next thing, you know, you’re, you’re in separate places, and you’re not coming together. And they really recognize how important that time is together, and they cherish it, and they’re committed to it. And I think couples get away from doing that. So they’re missing the time to really truly connect each day, which we hear from the masters. That’s what they do. That’s how they do it. That’s what makes it work so well.
Matthew Hoffman 11:38
And Jenny kind of laughed, she said, you know, we’re masters of the gifts, right? The the little emojis, a little movies, the little videos that say an emotion or a feeling. And, you know, allow us to have those touch points, maybe we can’t talk a lot during the day. But they’re connecting in the ways that they can, because they work in the home, mostly, Jenny said, I’ve got to have the discipline to say, I need to walk out of the office and connect and communicate to give them a hug at home. I love them how much I appreciate them. Because it’s so easy to say I’ve got so much to do. And I’m gonna bury and keep my nose to the grindstone. But in the moments of stress, doing something that can lighten the mood and break it up. And can they kind of had a funny tell share with our listeners about the story of when they have codewords they use when there’s stress in the situation. Do you remember what Jenny shared about that?
Kimberly Hoffman 12:32
Yes. So I guess whenever they are in maybe a family situation where there’s a lot of family members around you know how sometimes when you’re with a lot of family, things can get just a little uncomfortable, or, you know, conversations go in a way that you were hoping maybe they wouldn’t, they have little code words that they’ll just whisper to each other, like, your butt looks really good today. And that just sort of helps them look at each other, have a funny moment together and be able to get through whatever confrontation or whatever uncomfortable conversations are happening.
Matthew Hoffman 13:17
And it brings humor, and levity. And that’s one of our pillars, right humor, having fun together playing together. And, you know, it breaks the mesmerism. And I just thought it was great. They’ve got those little words inside joke, and somebody may not know why you given her a compliment in the middle of this conversation or why you doing that. But I think it’s it’s great. And they Jenny was sharing that both his parents and her parents live in the same town. So there’s a lot of dynamics there. And she said, you know, the parents are coming over and we’ve already mapped out what are the questions, they’re going to ask this, they’re going to want to know that. And then they kind of have a game they play of checking off to see if all those issues were brought up. When the family comes to town.
Kimberly Hoffman 13:56
Yeah, they make it fun and light hearted instead of going in and being critical and harsh. I love that.
Matthew Hoffman 14:05
When it comes to creating a kickass marriage, do you ever wonder what you could be doing better? Have you ever thought how helpful it would be to be a part of a like-minded community of other imperfect couples who want to level up their number one relationship? Come visit Kickass Couples Nation, where you can talk with people just like you who are looking for ways to invest in and increase their joy, commitment and fulfillment and their most important human relationship. You’ll have access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars and more. Just visit www.matthewphoffman.com so you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you level up. That’s www.matthewphoffman.com One of the other things kind of on communication that Jenny talked about, she said You want to be quick to apologize. So if you’ve overstepped your bounds or done something, she said, But don’t say I’m sorry for feeling or thinking something. In other words, don’t apologize for the emotion that you have only apologize if you’ve done something that’s hurtful, or damaging to your spouse or the relationship, because you don’t want to feel badly about feeling a certain way. But she said, we all have issues, we have things that are really important to us. She said, she’s a nutritionist, and she said, You know what, I’m going to die on the mountain of making sure my family has great nutrition, my kids eat good food, that we’re not succumbing to the garbage that we have. And Chris says, you know, that’s not super important to me, it’s not worth me down the mountain for, but I’m gonna support Jenny in that, because it’s what’s important to her. And it’s good for us. And it’s good for the family. So he recognizes what’s important to her. He’s communicating his love and support and willing to help her in that. And if the kids or someone else asked, why are we doing that, he can say, it’s really important to mom. And if it’s important to Mom, it’s important to me, and this family.
Kimberly Hoffman 16:04
Yeah. I also noted with Chris and Jenny, that there are two completely different people. Jenni is out there, she’s talkative, she likes to say she’s a little crazy. And she likes to get to the bullet points and get things done. Chris is a little quieter, a little more of an introvert, he is relaxed. And they really balance each other out. And they know that about each other. And so they play off of those different traits that they have, he’ll just say to her, take a breath, relax, you know, be in the moment. And she’ll say to him, make a decision. You know, let us know, you know, talk about how you’re feeling, let us know what you really want right now. And so they really do a good job of, I think, like I said, just balancing each other out.
Matthew Hoffman 17:15
They do. And I think that, you know, it was interesting. Jenny, she talked about trust and intimacy, your physical and emotional taking intentional steps. That can be small. But you know, trust is the foundation. And you know, they each want what’s best for each other. And sometimes it goes against what they feel they need and want for themselves the most. Like you said, she Jenny’s hard fighting, let’s get it done, I need your input on this make a decision. And he’s like, slow down, enjoy the ride. You know, we can relax and we can ease into this. And let’s de stress the situation. So there are nice foil for each other. And I think often you’ll see that in in relationships that work in that clique. And couples that are kick ass is each partner brings something to the table. Kimberly is incredibly organized. She was a litigation paralegal in her former life, before becoming a mom and my business partner. And she has got the best systems organizations for things to happen in a nice, easy flow. She’ll say I’m organized up here, but I’m not that organized down here. She balances us out incredibly well in that situation. I’m pretty even keeled and calm tempered. And when things happen, I usually stay calm. And she says I need your calming influence. So there’s things that each couple bring to the relationship that provide that balance, because we don’t being a successful couple in relationship is not about making our spouse more like us. It’s about recognizing, glorifying and understanding the differences. We’re not trying to recreate images of ourself, but celebrate the uniqueness. And I think Jenny and Chris, do a great time of calling each other out. But really making sure they’re elevating the success and the goodness and the strong qualities of the other in a very upfront and non apologetic way.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:11
Yeah. I appreciated that they after the three pillars that we talked about. I appreciated that the pillars that I think struck a real chord with them was appreciation. We just spoke a little bit about that, but I know that they they are. They’re expressing their appreciation to each other all the time. You know, when Jenny was a stay at home mom, Chris recognizing that, you know, letting her know how important that was, and what a great job she did and how much he appreciated how much he realized how hard it was to do that. Just a great example of that. And You know, just always voicing. I’m grateful for you, I appreciate XYZ when you do this, just always, they’re always saying thank you and expressing that is so much so that now even their little ones are always saying thank you for everyone. So they’re modeling that. And now the little ones are, you know, could just continually saying thank you, thank you for whatever they do. And so I think we don’t do that enough in our relationships, we don’t express that gratitude for even the little things in our relationship,
Matthew Hoffman 20:36
and giving, expressing the words to it, you know, it’s one thing to think and say, Oh, that’s really sweet. That’s really nice. But if you’re not speaking it, and your actions aren’t demonstrating it. You know, Kim, I think the reason they’re so successful in that is that they’ve created a culture of appreciation. So my question to our listeners, do you have a culture of appreciation in your relationship? Is that the expectation with your spouse, with your children with your extended family members? And are you making sure that you’re not allowing those other things to creep in and take root and defend that culture that you work so hard to establish?
Kimberly Hoffman 21:14
Well, I think I’ll end on one of my last favorite quotes that they said, and that that was make your intentions a priority. So don’t assume marriage is going to be great or happy without intentionality.
Matthew Hoffman 21:34
Yeah, Jenny said you got to be intentional. And I agree. And she, I think she brought up a quote from John Maxwell that I love. I like John Maxwell in general. But he said that, you know, aging is inevitable. Growth is optional. So it’s a choice. And they’re making Jenny and Chris are making great choices to serve each other, to be committed to each other to communicate in the right way. They’re developed, they’ve developed a beautiful sense and a culture of appreciation. It was so fun getting to know them and spending some time with them. And we enjoy spending time with you. And if you’d like to spend more time with us and Kickass Couples Nation, if you want us to support your journey, and be there for your development, the growth of your number one relationship, please visit https://www.matthewphoffman.com Check out Kickass Couples Nation. We have so many great things there. And we’d love for you to experience them so you can deepen and strengthen your number one relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:32
Thanks for joining us today, everybody.
Matthew Hoffman 22:34
We look forward to seeing you next time and remember,
Kimberly Hoffman 22:37
happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose. That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the Kickass Couples Podcast. If you liked the content of the show, then you’ll love Matthew’s newly released book, Kickass Husband: Winning At Life, Marriage and Sex.” To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review in Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at podcast at www.kickasscouplespodcast.com. And we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.