Kickass Couples Podcast

RECAP Love As a Blended Family Ep. 48 Gayle Guyardo and Mark Pichowski

By April 28, 2022May 18th, 2022No Comments

TRANSCRIPT

Love As a Blended Family, Episode 48, Gayle
Guyardo and Mark…
Sat, 4/9 7:07PM • 22:50
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
relationship, gail, couples, expresses, mark, blended family, matthew, marriage, podcast, kick ass, kim,
navigating, feel, conflict, insecurities, gratitude, understand, grateful, kick, important
SPEAKERS
Kimberly Hoffman, Matthew Hoffman

Matthew Hoffman 00:02
Welcome to the kick ass couples podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who
wants to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and
Ken, co hosts and husband and wife
Kimberly Hoffman 00:16
in 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re
here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.
Matthew Hoffman 00:28
We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage.
And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and
strengthen your relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 00:43
We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling
year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book, kick ass husband winning at life,
Derek and Seth you can get it@amazon.com or visit Matthews website, www dot Matthew
hoffman.com. Again, that’s amazon.com or www dot Matthew hoffman.com. And now back to the show.
Welcome back to kick ass couples Podcast. Today we are doing a recap of the interview with Mark and
Gail Petroski.
Matthew Hoffman 01:28
What a great couple dynamic.
Kimberly Hoffman 01:31

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They were a lot of fun. I love Gail, she’s, she’s a great person to be around. She’s just always funny and
happy and a good mood. And so I really enjoyed getting to know Mark a little bit better as well.
Matthew Hoffman 01:45
I know I want to see the guy who gets to put up with having Carol Burnett as a wife. Come on. she’s
funny, she’s a comedian. She’s, she’s got to have the approach I’ve had the opportunity to Gail is we’ve
known her I known her since high school. We were briefly in high school together before she went to
another school. And then our kids grew up together in the same schools. We’ve seen her as a
newscaster with NBC channel eight as the anchor in Tampa. And now she’s hosting a show called
Bloom, which is a health and wellness show and the Tampa market. And I’ve gotten to be a guest with
her a few times to talk about the book kick ass husband and our podcast. And she’s been a great
supporter, and we just have so much fun. That’s awesome whenever we’re together. So it was fun to
hear and meet Mark. I met him before him but learn about some of those great things that they do as a
couple
Kimberly Hoffman 02:38
well and right out of the gate. They they came out saying I think it was Mark that said that our journey of
life is what makes us kick ass. It’s this process of being together through thick and thin. And I really
appreciated hearing that about their relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 02:57
Yeah, they’re in it to win it. They do it all together. And he said that their ability to approach it and
support each other for greater success is something that they love the most about their relationship.
Kimberly Hoffman 03:10
Yes. I think another thing that I would love to point out in, in this particular interview that we really
haven’t dove into in other interviews is that this is a blended family. Right? Gail came to the relationship
with two young girls. And this is Mark’s you know first time at having two children being with two
children living with two children in his home. And then Mark and Gail had two children of their own. And
I think it’s important to note that they were all girls. And so when we’re looking at a family of five women,
and then I know they had a female dog in there as well. Yeah, your
Matthew Hoffman 03:59
Epson Yep, from that was Marvel was Marvel Wonder Dog exactly background,
Kimberly Hoffman 04:04
but I what I love is that they were able to come to their relationship and create a blended family and still
make it work and be really kick ass at this relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 04:23
It was you know, Kim, I’m gonna also I appreciate that. And, you know, he has an interesting
perspective. And you know, he’s got five women, six, including the dog, and how he navigated that it
was really neat to see, you know, no different really from other relationships because you know, still a
father and still a mother and the girls go to each one depending on what they need and how they need

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it. And they each filled just great roles for each other. And, you know, one of the things and this kind of
jumped into a little bit, not necessarily a point but I’m gonna go a little off script with you here. And he
said, You know, it’s all the little actions that make you feel safe. I think Gail said that about him, you
know, he just does all these things that make me feel he’s committed. And so I wanted to kind of talk a
little bit Kim with you and say, you know, what are the things that we do for each other, to make and
create that feeling of safety? And how do we make it palpable and tangible in our relationship?
Because I think this is something that I think any kickass couple that you need to be aware of, right?
What are the things that you can do or need to do, or can work on every single day to make your
partner feel that tangible sense of safety, and security, and I’ll go first and just share is that you know, I
really am, I’m always looking for opportunities, right? I’m always looking for opportunities to show you
how I feel about you and just show you what you mean, to me, it might be a text, something I do
sometimes, with my kids as well, I’ll be listening to a song. And I’ll go, Wow, this makes me think of you
or I love you better than this, or I heard this and smile, because it reminded me of you today sharing a
song. Sending sending notes, just expressing gratitude and taking the time to do the little things that let
you know, hey, I think I’m thinking about you. I’m valuing you. And I want to make sure you know why I
love you, and why. And so it’s, you know, it’s that collection of work. And I think that’s a wonderful gift to
give to people. And so I just really want to make sure that our listeners are thinking about what are the
things that I can do to provide that feeling of palpable tangible security and safety.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:46
Sure, and I think that, you know, coming back to what we were originally talking about was, you know,
the blending of their families and him being with, you know, there was a lot of women, right, there’s a lot
of emotion, there’s, there’s a lot going on there. And him navigating that he made those deposits, it
sounds to me, like with all of them, he made them all feel protected, loved, appreciated. And he gave
them a space to come to Him at any time. And to discuss whatever they needed just to discuss. And I
think the point that I’m making is that, you know, a lot of our listeners come from blended families. And
that can go either way, it can be really difficult in a relationship. Because maybe, you know, the wife
comes to the marriage with all these expectations and all the way that she’s already raising her
children. And the husband has an entirely different thought on that. And so I know our listeners can
really relate to the blended family. But what I what I’m trying to point out here is that they made it work,
they put things into place. Mark’s specifically was able to embrace all of this, and really create a
wonderful space for all of these girls.
Matthew Hoffman 08:18
And I think it’s a great example, can you talk about blending and I mean, Gail and Mark have two very
different communication styles and needs as most couples do, right. And I think that they really
leveraged his style of being direct and forthright and, and let’s solve the problem. And his girls or Gail
go to him when they need that style. And Gail said, you know, she goes, sometimes my girls, they just
need me to go down the rabbit hole with him like they’re wallowing and they’re there. They want me to
come feel the emotion, experience it so that, you know, I can understand where they are and not solve
anything, but just be with them in that moment. And so I think it was a great is a blended family. She
brought kids and then they had two together. And I think that also is they did a wonderful job of blending
their communication styles together for each other and respecting each other but also for their kids and
the knees that their kids had sure that those different moments in time. Sure.

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Kimberly Hoffman 09:18
I noticed that as well. You know, Mark is an accountant, he everything is very black and white to him.
He likes to problem solve. And Gail is really very much the opposite. She’s whimsical and funny. And
you know, she’s probably got too much on her plate at most times and can’t say no to I’m sure she gets
a lot of requests that hosting things and, and so I feel like they’ve done a really great job of navigating
all of that. One of the things that I loved is that Gail so But I can just put it out there, I can, you know,
say this, this and this is going on and, and I’m struggling with that and he’ll take it all. And he’ll put it into
his columns. And then they’re able to just sort of discuss it, resolve it, and work on it. And so they’ve
really learned, like you said, to have that dance, of how to communicate and how to work through
conflict with having two really very different personalities.
Matthew Hoffman 10:31
Yeah, I think Gail commented, she said, you know, he is really good at giving me my space and what I
need. And she said, I just want to be heard. And I need to talk about it and get it out and get it off my
chest. And he listens and tries to understand and process it in his own way. She’s not telling him to do it
her way. But you know, she gives him or he gives her the space and the way to emote, and talk and
communicate how she does and, and he tries to respond, and then they come together, especially with
issues of the kids are going forward. They’re not out there as independent contractors, just doing you
know what they want. And but they make sure she’ll say, Well, gosh, you know, here’s something that’s
going on with the girls, what do you think. And so there is a lot of collaborative communication, which I
think is important, too. It’s nice to have in a relationship, but you and I do this, I think, well for each
other. If there’s a decision you can make that doesn’t need to involve the other one, then it’s not
needless communication, or repetitive communication, but giving each other the benefit of the doubt
and thinking, gosh, you know, she may want to know about that she may want to weigh in, if it’s
something with our kids, or something that we’re making about a decision for the family. And I was
appreciative of them taking the time to be inclusive, because sometimes it’s not the easiest thing to do.
You just say I just want to get through it and be done with it. But taking the time to be inclusive is
important. And they seem to do that well with each other.
Kimberly Hoffman 11:56
Yes. And I think they have a wonderful friendship system. First, they look at themselves as we’re a
team, we’re in this together. And we’re, you know, when issues do arise, we’re going to figure this out,
we’re going to lay it all out there and we are going to figure it out. Another thing that I think is important
to note as well. And you know, this is a theme, but it is that they don’t allow things to fester, they do not
allow things to really build up and become huge challenges. When things happen. She goes right in
there and is quick to just she’ll just say I just get it all out. And and we deal with it. We work through it,
and then we’re able to move on.
Matthew Hoffman 12:41
Yeah. When it comes to creating a kick ass marriage, do you ever wonder what you could be doing
better? Have you ever thought how helpful would be to be a part of a like minded community of other
imperfect couples who wants to level up and their number one relationship? Come visit kick ass
couples nation, where you can talk with people just like you are looking for ways to invest in and

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increase their joy, commitment, and fulfillment in their most important human relationship. You’ll have
access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars and more.
Just visit Matthew P hoffman.com. So you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you
level up. That’s Matthew P hoffman.com. So you can become of the growing kick ass couples nation
right now? I think so. And when we were talking with him about conflict resolution, Kim, I think that they
said, you know, they don’t have a lot of huge issues that come up, because they’re pretty good about
being inclusive with each other, as we’ve been talking about. Mark does a really good job of trying to
figure out trying to understand, right, it’s not about you knows that he’s desirous of getting a resolution.
That’s how he’s wired. But he says, I’m really trying to understand first, and I think that understanding is
critical in resolving any conflict. Because if you understand the other person’s perspective, if you’re
willing to accept influence from them, and value their opinions, as much as you value your own, you’ve
heard us say that before. And he you know, he knows that Gail craves a lot of attention from Mark and
he gives it to her. And they openly share their feelings, they understand each other and they’re willing to
follow through and leave it out, not just leave it out there.
Kimberly Hoffman 14:28
It goes back to really understanding what your spouse’s needs are. Because we all have different
needs. We all have different insecurities. And I think it’s really important to know what those are, so that
we can really make the other person feel comfortable in that space.
Matthew Hoffman 14:47
Yeah. And I think that they said, you know, the status of the conflict depends on their actions towards
each other. If they’re both present and showing up. There’s not a lot of violations as I think Gail was the
one that said that where they come off the rails because if they’re committed to showing, he said, you
know, we don’t have a lot of conflict, because we’re showing up for each other, we’re present. And we’re
in the moment with one another. So there’s not a lot of missed interpretation or misunderstandings
about things because they really work hard to make sure they’re staying on the same page.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:22
I took away also, something that really hit home with me was that Gail said on a, on a regular basis
basis, she expresses appreciation, because she feels so lucky, and so grateful to be in such a
committed, secure relationship. It’s trustworthy, it’s intact. And that just goes noted, she expresses
gratitude for having that. And as a result of that, we talked about spillover, right? As a result of that. Her
strong relationship with Mark and their strong relationship together is what has allowed them to grow
professionally. It has allowed them to be successful in business, and in family. And I love to point that
out, because when you’re investing in personal growth, and in family, I think that that just makes for
such a joyful, incredible relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 16:36
I agree, Kim, I can’t say enough is that she identifies and she recognizes what she has. And she
expresses gratitude for it constantly. She’s not taking it for granted. And she’s working to make sure that
Mark knows how grateful she is. And I think she she said, you know, you, I think she said you have to
try to balance the scales, before they get out of whack. I mean, you see something that might be
leaning one way or the other. And you got to know when to put weight on the right side of an issue so

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that it stays in balance. And I think if you just keep dumping in one area, or taking from one area, then
that’s when the imbalance occurs. And that’s when the conflict happens. And that’s when issues so she
said, you know, those small, constant adjustments and actions and expressing gratitude is probably
one of the best selves for a relationship. Because we’ve talked about this before, you can’t be grateful
and angry at the same time. You also can’t be grateful and fearful at the same time. So if you’re
concerned or angry or frustrated about something, a great way to change your perspective, especially
about your relationship is to think about, what am I grateful for in this relationship? What am I grateful
for in my spouse, and then I keep quiet about it, but express it and share it because it allows you to
smother and kind of put out those other things that might be festering or bubbling up. Yes. And and you
know, and I to come back to the issue, you talked about Kim with a spillover, you know, they’re the
strength of their relationship, and the commitment and friendship and appreciation, gratitude that have
read each other has allowed them to make their family as successful as it is. But it also has allowed
them to be superstars in their own careers. And, and they recognize that and you and when you first
hear that you might go, oh, gosh, that sounds really selfish that their relationship makes themselves go
better. But you know, that relationship spills into those other areas. And I love the fact that they
recognized that the relationship is at the core of their success professionally, because I really believe a
strong relationship is exactly that. It’s, it’s the it’s home is not the dock that you’re anchored to. But it’s
the harbor from which you sail. My mom used to say that all the time. So a safe home is not something
that grounds you and keeps you there. It’s something that allows you to go out and venture and be
successful in those other areas of your life.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:17
I agree. You know, when you’re out and you’re traveling, and when you come back home. I want that to
be a place that you desire to come back to that you look forward to coming back to that. It is it’s a space
where you feel safe and secure and loved and comforted. And I believe that this is what we’re talking
about here that they have really created that space and it has allowed them to be more successful
independent of each other. I feel like any good relationship really solid, successful relationship will do
that.
Matthew Hoffman 19:58
No doubt. I agree. He came in They’re doing a wonderful job. And I think they also were both very
upfront with their foibles, like, in other words, hey, I’m struggling on this. So this is how I am. And
Kimberly Hoffman 20:09
they put it out there. And they were pretty vulnerable about things that they, you know, each struggle
with. And we all have that we all have challenges and things that are insecurities, whatever they may
be,
Matthew Hoffman 20:20
I think being open and upfront honest, and they seem to know that about each other, but they don’t hold
it against the other one, they identify and say it’s just a dynamic that we work through we work with, and
I really appreciated the way that they were tender with one another, on each of their insecurities, or
maybe their challenges that they are they are working through. So

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Kimberly Hoffman 20:38
this couple, they dream together, they set goals together. And you know, when you’ve been together for
a really long time, you see those dreams come true. And you see a lot of those goals being met. And
that’s just it’s such fruit in a relationship it is
Matthew Hoffman 20:56
and they chalk it up to the strength of the relationship. They write those dreams and success and what
they’ve been able to do. And I think in that makes them focus on it. And that’s what we want. That’s the
purpose of this podcast the purpose of kick ass couples nation. And by the way, if you know if you
would like to have more of your questions answered, if you would like to be around a group of like
minded individuals who are imperfect and realize that they want to level up, please check out kick ass
couples nation at Matthew P hoffman.com. We have a fantastic group of licensed marriage therapists.
We do webinars twice a month. We have a Facebook group that’s private. We’re creating chats and
conversations. Kim and I each do something called TG WM, thank God, we’re married. And we shoot,
share something that you can do right now to improve and take your relationship to the next level. So
we hope you’ll check that out at Matthew P hoffman.com. Thanks for tuning in again today. And there’s
one thing Kim that we want them to remember and that’s what
Kimberly Hoffman 21:53
happily ever after does not just happen. It’s on purpose.
Matthew Hoffman 21:59
Thanks for joining us today, we hope to welcome you back to the kick ass couples podcast. Until next
time,
Kimberly Hoffman 22:04
that’s all we’ve got for this episode of the kick ass couples podcast. If you liked the content of the show,
the love Matthews newly released book, kick ass husband winning at life, marriage and sex. To receive
a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a
review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your
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time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.