TRANSCRIPT
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
marriage, lea, relationship, realize, trey, blended family, married, communication, family, sharing, commitment, people, couples, important, talk, love, modeled, connect, connection, early
SPEAKERS
Lea Morgan, Matthew Hoffman, Kimberly Hoffman, Trey Morgan
Matthew Hoffman 02:33
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. We are excited to have a dynamic couple with us today. We have Lea and Trey Morgan, and welcome to the podcast. So glad y’all could join us today.
Lea Morgan 02:54
Thank you. We’re so honored to be here with you guys.
Trey Morgan 02:57
We are.
Matthew Hoffman 02:58
Thank you. Thank you. It was funny how we came across you. We work with Ashlea, who’s part of the KCN Organization. She said, I found this really cool couple, you gotta check them out. And we looked on your website and looked about the great work you were doing and thought Man, we want to find out how the experts do it in their own relationships. So we’re gonna start off by asking y’all a question and Trey, I’m gonna start with you if that’s okay.
Trey Morgan 03:22
Okay.
Matthew Hoffman 03:23
What do you think makes you all a kick ass couple?
Trey Morgan 03:28
I think the fact that we have refused to give up on marriage over 34 years that we have, we’ve realized that it took work from the beginning, it wasn’t anything that we realized we got to go to work and make this marriage work. But we think that looking back now some of the things that we did well was we attended workshops, we read books, we did a bunch of stuff that that really helped us to grow as a young couple that we really look back on now and go that really blessed us because we we were very young when we got married. And it was one of those things where we came into a relationship. And it was all so new to us. Because we just live with our parents for all of our life. And we were highschool sweethearts and got married early and, but the main thing is we just didn’t, we just didn’t quit when things got tough.
Matthew Hoffman 04:23
That’s key, you stuck, you stuck it out and hung in there. That’s great. What would you add to that, Lea?
Lea Morgan 04:28
I think I would add, you know, in those early years when we started having some conflicts, and I kept thinking, you know, what, if he would just fix this or if he would just fix that. And it wasn’t until I realized I needed to fix me and make some changes with me. And that just bettered our entire relationship when I made the changes that I needed to make and focused on me instead of focusing on what he needed to do better.
Matthew Hoffman 04:58
Sure. And that’s a key point. I think that when we’re pointing that obligatory finger and saying you, you know, there’s three coming back at us. When did you I’m curious when in your relationship or marriage did that revelation kind of come to you, because some people get it early, some people get it late, and some people unfortunately, never get it. So how did that come out to you? And when did you have that discovery?
Lea Morgan 05:19
I think, man, I’m gonna say we were probably 7 or 8 years in, we did. What was the job being that his needs her needs, we did the his needs her needs class. And we went and got, you know, certified to be facilitators for that, and realized that we really needed to make some changes of our own before we could start helping other couples. And I think that’s probably really you know, about about year 7 or 8th of our marriage.
Trey Morgan 05:50
Took us a while to figure it out. We just knew we were very different.
Matthew Hoffman 05:54
Sure, sure. That’s great.
Kimberly Hoffman 05:56
I appreciate hearing that you at the very early stages of your relationship had the foresight to say, we need marriage enrichment. And you did a lot of that early on. If you are a young couple, and you’re listening to this podcast right now, I can’t say enough of how much I think that that is additive, and such a great, you know, value to a relationship, if you can do that early on. I don’t think we did. I think we came to that later in the relationship. But I think if we would have started earlier that, you know, we would have been a lot happier earlier on.
Matthew Hoffman 06:32
Yeah, I think it’s huge. I mean, in our own story, we probably didn’t have the revelation, there’s things we did to work on it, but not in the way we should I say not till, having been married for 20 years. And so it wasn’t till after 20 years, or like, hey, you know, this isn’t horrible, but it’s really not what we want and need it to be. We got to do some serious work and make it better. And then that’s when I can honestly say now we’re celebrating 28 years of marriage, everybody. I think we told this earlier to this kick ass couple, but this Saturday will be 28 years for us. And so the only reason we’ve been able to do that is because of our commitment and our prioritization of each other, and we really make sure that. I never thought when I got married that it could be as good as it is right now. So it’s better than I thought. And it’s because of that commitment and that prioritization. And it sounds like you all drink that Kool Aid and believe that message and the work that you’re doing, and we do as well.
Trey Morgan 07:31
And it keeps getting better every year. And we also know that it continues to take work, that even though we’re extremely happy and content in our marriage right now, we know that we’re in a new stage in life, we’re empty nesters. And it’s going to take work for us to continue to have that. But But yeah, it’s every year, we just think it can’t get any better than it does.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:53
Well, I believe that we are a product of the people who raised us. And so I’d love to talk a little bit about your history, and a little bit about what love looked like to each of you when you were growing up. And so Lea, I’d love to start with you. Tell me a little bit about how your family expressed love, how your parents expressed love to each other.
Lea Morgan 08:16
You know, I remember mom and dad were very affectionate with each other all the time. You know, as soon as they saw each other after being gone all day, there were hugs and kisses. And they would sit down in the afternoons and drink coffee and talk about their days together. And that’s something that Trey and I do now. And I hadn’t really realized it until I’m just now saying that that was something that my parents did. And we think that’s so important. You know, just that communication and the catching up and the connection when you’ve been apart from each other, yeah, it’s vital to your relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 09:00
Sure, how about you.
Trey Morgan 09:01
My story is a little bit different. I came from a blended family and my blended family was a little different than a lot of blended families. My mother, my father died of cancer when I was a young boy, I do not remember him. So my mother was a widow at about 30 years old. And she married a widower who had lost his wife in a car accident. And so they were married. I was about five or six at the time that they got married. And thankfully, he was a good man who did not raise me as a stepchild did not ever call me a step son raised me as his own son just as much and loved me and didn’t treat me any different than he did his own children that that he actually brought into this world and so he made a huge influence in my life and today the example he set with my mom, the thing that really kicks out to me that they did well was in this blended family was they went into it and they had each other’s backs. He had 4 kids, she had, my mom had 3, so it made 9 in his family. And instead of all of us, pitching one another against, you know, hey, tell this new guy, a new dad in here out, we need to do this or, you know, his kids saying, hey, till till the new lady that we don’t do things this way. They had each other’s back, and there was there was, there was no pitting them against one another, they went into that going, I will be by your side. And we will not let the kids that divide us. And they were fantastic with that. I cannot ever remember them arguing or fighting over something that had to do with our blended family. And they just stood by each other’s side, while they raised us and hey, if you talk back to one, the other ones gonna get you because we are a team as a married couple, raising these 7 kids.
Kimberly Hoffman 11:00
Sure that unity is so important in a family of 3, nonetheless, a family of 9. That’s huge. And when you do come from a blended family, sometimes there is that opportunity where you might tend to want to take sides. So I love hearing that that’s a beautiful story.
Matthew Hoffman 11:21
It is. And I think that for anybody that’s out there that’s in a blended family. Could you guys share one thing I know that’s part of the ministry and the work that you’re doing? And that’s something you cover in your workshops? Would you say that what you just talked about is one of the biggest issues or challenges that can occur? Or if you had to give somebody some advice? Or what’s the biggest thing that you’ve learned in dealing and counseling people who have those blended families?
Trey Morgan 11:48
Okay. And the main thing, the incredible thing about blended families is you got a man and a woman who are in love, they want to get married, and they’re so excited about it, but their kids may not be. And so they go into it thinking everything’s going to be easy. Or if anything, it may just take us a year and we’re all going to be blended and working and calm, smooth and no issues. And it takes years to blend a family to where they feel like this isn’t my stepbrother, stepsister, this is my brother. And so the main thing that we see is couples go into this and six months into marriage, they’re like, what have we done, and we’re like, you’re gonna have to be patient, you’re going to have to be unified as husband and wife. And you’re going to have to be patient, because this is not going to happen overnight, you’re not going to connect and blend two families, you’re not going to graft them together overnight, and expect there to be smooth sailing.
Matthew Hoffman 12:44
That’s great advice, good advice, be patient, and stay unified. I appreciate that. Thank you. And so that kind of leads into our we have 14 pillars, and we think those are all critical qualities in any successful relationship. And we really tried to focus on the three C’s. And those three C’s are commitment, communication and conflict resolution. So Lea, love to start off with you and say, How would you describe what commitment looks like in your relationship with Trey?
Lea Morgan 13:14
I think that, you know, you have to recommit every single day that you, you know, put your feet on the floor, you get out of bed, and you’re like, you know, I’m gonna love my spouse today. I may not feel like I love him very much today, but I’m going to show him that I love him. And you have to decide, you know, in your mind that you’re committed every single day.
Trey Morgan 13:39
That’s a good point.
Matthew Hoffman 13:41
That’s a good point. And what so when that challenge comes, and I know we’ve all been there you have we have and probably all of our listeners, when you’re saying, Man, I’m just angry at he or her for doing this or that, What is it that you do to get back to that, that allows you to have that daily love for him?
Lea Morgan 13:59
I think just remembering you know, the good times that we’ve had, and wanting to keep making things better, like you said it has gotten better through the years. And I don’t want to be stuck in one of those rough spots, you know, so I want to try to do everything I can to get past the rough spot. So I think remembering the good times is always key to wanting to get back to the good.
Matthew Hoffman 14:24
Sure. That’s great. Trey, what would you add about that? What does commitment look like to you and your relationship with Lea?
Trey Morgan 14:31
Well, it’s it’s, it’s kind of the same way our faith, our faith is based on a lot of commitment in a sense of what Lea said that there are days to where, you know, love is love is an action love is really not a feeling we have we have feelings that come from love. And from spending time together and being together but there are days that I get up and don’t feel in love and yet my faith and my commitment to Lea says I’m gonna love her today. Even though I don’t feel anything, because I know that love is more than more than a feeling it’s an action and, and a commitment that I made with God says, you know, even though I don’t feel like loving her today, because I told you I would, I will. Commitment, commitment is more than a feeling. It seems like I love the butterflies that I get. And I still get butterflies even after 34 years. But love is more than butterflies. And in a world we kind of live in today that says, hey, I don’t feel in love. And so we really ought not to be married. Love is more than a feeling. It’s a commitment. And I make that commitment to her every morning when I get up whether I feel it or not. Because I also have made that commitment to God, I promised him that I would love her even on days, we always say that every now and then there are days, we don’t like each other very well. But we still choose to love each other. Because that’s commitment.
Matthew Hoffman 16:36
Love that.
Kimberly Hoffman 16:37
What I hear you both saying is that every day you make an active choice to be committed to each other every day when you wake up. That’s a commitment that you’ve made in your relationship. And I think that our listeners can really resonate with that.
Matthew Hoffman 16:54
Yeah, thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 16:58
So the second of our three C’s is communication. And we believe that communication is vital the way we communicate with each other in every relationship. And so I’m curious, what does communication look like in your relationship? How do you communicate with each other? How do you make time to communicate?
Lea Morgan 17:20
As I mentioned earlier, every afternoon, we have what we call coffee time, where we sit down and maybe you know, 20-30 minutes, and we try to talk about you know, our day, what our day looks like, maybe what’s coming up. If we don’t have that time in the afternoons, we do it nearly every night, when we’re getting ready for bed, you know, we’ll climb into bed and we’ll talk about you know, what’s coming up tomorrow, we just have to make sure we’re on the same page. You know, and know, there’s no surprises. Let’s talk about, you know, how did you feel about something? You know, we talked about maybe asking what was the high point of your day? What was the low point of your day and really, really do a check in an emotional check in every once in a while. So yeah, just just really talking about things and making sure we’re on the same page with our schedules is a big thing for us.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:16
Sure. Do you have touch points throughout the day?
Lea Morgan 18:20
We do. I mean, we honestly were together more than we’re apart, just because of our work situation. So but if we are apart, I mean, we’re constantly texting each other. Even if it’s just, you know, I saw a silly name and it made me think of you, you know, and we’ll send it to each other. But yeah, we constantly are, staying in touch throughout the day.
Kimberly Hoffman 18:43
And Trey, do you have anything to add to that?
Trey Morgan 18:48
Just that it took me a while to figure this out that this was important. Now I knew communication was important. But as a man who maybe didn’t see the need for communication, it took me a few years of marriage to realize that when Lea was asking me questions about my day, or what was going on in my world, she wasn’t really trying to interrogate me. She wasn’t trying to find out who you’ve been with what you’ve been doing. She was just trying to connect with me. And when I finally that bulb came on, I realized that it wasn’t a Hey, she’s just trying to find out and control me and what I’m doing she really just wants to connect with me. And she does that through communication. Then I got to the point where I realized that, hey, it doesn’t bother me to tell you kind of where I’ve been, what I’m doing , what’s going on in my world, talk to you about my dreams, my goals, my past. And things went a lot smoother, when I got to the point that I realized that this was something that my wife needed, and even though I might not need it, if she needs it, I’m more than happy to give that, whatever that is in my world because that’s part of love and part of marriage.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:58
Sure bids for connection in a relationship, when they’re gone unnoticed, can be really detrimental to your relationship. And you’re right. It’s not that she was interrogating, she was just making a bid for you, you know, just you guys to connect and to be able to speak and to be able to share a moment together.
Matthew Hoffman 20:23
And I think, yeah, I think that’s a point I want to touch on a little bit, because it’s, you know, I don’t like statements that say, all men or all women, because there is no absolute, you can say typically, or societally or fundamentally, but I think a lot of men struggle with that higher level of communication. And we, Trey, you and I have felt the same way before and had that epiphany as well. It’s not that there’s no trust, necessarily, it’s just that they want to connect, and they want to connect emotionally. And they want to, you know, women, definitely, women use 300 words where men use 60, right? I mean, it’s literally a 5 to 1 ratio of communication. So it’s more of a style. Not that she’s controlling me, she’s got to know. And I think that when more men realize that it’s a, like, Kim said beautifully, it’s a bid for connection, they want to be close, they want to have understanding, they want to talk and they want to relate. And all the guys have to do is say, this is what they need. And of course, I want to give my partner what they need, and have that connection. And it’s a beautiful example that you and Kim talked about. And I think that my hope is that more men will realize it’s not controlling, it’s not manipulative, it’s not trust, It’s a desire to connect, and connection builds intimacy, and men love intimacy, and if they want to have that greater connection, and it can certainly lead to a natural, deeper intimacy.
Matthew Hoffman 21:53
So we appreciate that. And second, we’ve talked about commitment, and we talked a little bit about communication. And our third C is conflict resolution. And for someone that’s been married as long as y’all have, and that we have, it doesn’t really matter that conflicts will always arise disagreements, or misinterpretation. So Lea, I’d love to start with you and say, when a conflict or a disagreement arises, how do you guys deal with it? What does conflict resolution look like in your relationship?
Kimberly Hoffman 21:53
Absolutely.
Lea Morgan 22:24
Well, we do always try to talk things out instead of just, you know, we always say don’t sweep things under the rug, because it’s not going to get better, you know, you’re just pretty soon you’re just going to have this big heap hiding under the rug. So we do try to talk things out, we have realized that sometimes we need to say, You know what, tomorrow, so that when we have time to cool off. I’m the one whose temper can rise pretty quickly. And I have to realize those warning signs in myself, you know that I’m starting to get a little out of control, and have to call a timeout. So, But we do always talk things out, we never just say, we’re going to sweep that under the rug.
Kimberly Hoffman 23:20
I’m sure a lot of our listeners can relate to the fact that you maybe escalate a little quicker then Trey does. And you said, sometimes I have to call a timeout, give our listeners an example of what that might look like, if you don’t mind.
Lea Morgan 23:36
I think I mean, just in the middle of sometimes talking, I have told him, You know what, we just need to take a break, we just need to stop right here because I’m getting angry. And you know, and I just say, we’ll get back to it. Give me time to, you know, to cool off. We’ve even gone as far as writing some things down, you know, on paper, and giving those to each other when we know that it’s something really intense and that words could get out of control. We have written things down and shared things on paper. And that’s very helpful to keep things from escalating.
Matthew Hoffman 24:16
It doesn’t always have to be face to face and verbal.
Kimberly Hoffman 24:18
That’s right.
Trey Morgan 24:19
Yeah, sometimes we use text. If we’re afraid, I may say something I don’t want to say, I’ll text it to you while I’m at my office, or she’s at her office or something.
Lea Morgan 24:29
And we always talk about it afterwards after we
Trey Morgan 24:31
Sure.
Lea Morgan 24:31
have time to read and process then we can come together and talk about things calmly and rationally and you know, it works for us.
Matthew Hoffman 24:41
Sure. How about you Trey, anything you would add to that about conflict what conflict resolution looks like between the two of you?
Trey Morgan 24:46
We’re very different people but we don’t do a lot of fighting and arguing. But what I think we’ve realized over the past several years of our marriage is that we’re a team and we’ve quit trying to go, I’m gonna win, I want to win this. And I want to be right, because we’ve realized that if one of us loses, we really both lose, because we’re supposed to be a team on this. And so it’s not about winning or losing. And we’ve also gotten to the point many times where we’ve just kind of said, let’s just agree to kind of disagree on this, because it’s not worth us losing sleep over or less, us being frustrated with one another. So there are some things that we just used to agree to disagree on, and we go on with life and life’s much better.
Matthew Hoffman 25:33
I think that’s a good point, I want to kind of come back to that for our listeners, because agreement, or disagreement does not mean love, and not love. You can have a disagreement and say, you know, what, we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this, I feel this way. And I’m pretty strong in that, you feel that way, but you know, what, we understand why we feel that way. And we can move on. I think a lot of people feel, Oh, my gosh, if we don’t resolve this, and get to something that we both love and feel those right, It’s a problem. And, you know, two thirds of all issues in a relationship, you’re not going to solve their problems. So it’s really about understanding, you know, and why is that important to you? Why do you feel that way? How did you draw that conclusion? And then say, All right, well, if we can’t get consensus, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it means you’ve done your best to understand and we’re gonna move on beyond it, because we want to get back to that sweet spot and not let this hold us up. So I appreciate you saying that. It’s not about winning.
Kimberly Hoffman 26:29
I think it’s also okay to disagree, right? Because at the end of the day, if this is the way you really feel, I need to respect that about you. That’s one of the things that I love about you, right? So I think it’s important to not feel like somebody has to win or lose, but that you both win.
Trey Morgan 26:49
sorry, I didn’t mean to jump over you. One other thing that stands out to us that we say oftentimes is, you know, certain things work for certain people and forever and ever. Everybody’s favorite marriage of assets and don’t go to bed angry. And we’re that couple that goes, Hey, sometimes you just need to sleep on it. You wake up the next morning and realize it was not that big of a deal. You know, why were we aggravated with each other about that? And so,
Trey Morgan 27:17
You know, staying up until two o’clock in the morning to argue about something when you’re exhausted is not making things better. Just go to sleep.
Kimberly Hoffman 27:17
100%
Matthew Hoffman 27:27
Yeah, yeah, good, good, good advice. Always and never are never going to, you know, always never scary because they sound pretty absolute. And that only comes true in some areas, for sure.
Kimberly Hoffman 27:39
Well, we have 11 other pillars, and I believe you have that list in front of you that we believe are necessary to have a successful marriage. And so I’m curious Trey, of the 11 other pillars is there one that really resonates with you? One that stands out to you?
Trey Morgan 27:59
Well, all of the 11 pillars are fantastic. And they’re all a part of our marriage, and trying to pick your favorites trying to pick your favorite kid, it’s really kind of hard to do. But one that really stands out to me, I’ll talk about this for a second, is the intimacy side of it. Because I feel like for married couples that, most married couples or all married couples, I’d like to say all in this situation, don’t want to get to feeling like they’re in a marriage with a roommate, they want to feel a connection that they’re married to a soulmate or someone they have a connection with. And if there’s no intimacy, in that marriage, then you pretty much are just a roommate that shares a house and, and, and paying bills and raising kids together. So to me, intimacy is one of those things that really stands out. And that intimacy can be everything from the recreational intimacy of spending time together, the conversational intimacy of conversation. But one of the big things that we talk about that we think is a huge deal is of course, the sexual intimacy side of it. And, and for a long time, we’ve always in our marriage, sex has been important to us, but for a long time, it was it’s just kind of fun. It’s a cherry on top of marriage. It’s a and we didn’t realize the importance of sexual intimacy in our relationship, that it took us a while to figure out that this is actually something that is good for our marriage, that it actually connects us, reconnects us, it reminds us that we’re not mom and dad, We’re husband and wife. We are not two people sharing a house together. We are. You’re married. We are one and it connected us and some couples forget that. They lose that intimacy and they don’t feel that connection or that bond or that spark with their spouse anymore. And they feel like they’ve got a roommate instead of a soulmate and so that intimacy, even after 34 years of marriage, stands out to me personally as a really important thing.
Kimberly Hoffman 30:06
How about you Lea? Do you have anything to add to that? And then do you, of course, have your own special pillar that you really resonate with?
Lea Morgan 30:22
Yeah, I mean, I agree with what he said on the intimacy side of it, we it did take us a while to realize how fundamental it really is in in, you know, being a glue that holds us together, there were periods of time where, you know, we might go a long stretch, without being sexually intimate, and we’d find ourselves really just getting on each other’s nerves. And, you know, it’s almost like when we, when we did come together and reconnect sexually, it was like, hey, I like you again, you know, and we didn’t realize really what a perk it was, and what a what a glue it was for our marriage. So that’s all I would add to that, I guess, as far as the one that really stood out to me, was the faith and moral code. Because we do, you know, we base our marriage ministry on, you know, putting God first. And that’s very important to us in our marriage. And when I’m answering to a higher calling, I feel like everything else just kind of falls into place as it should, I’m going to be more appreciative, I’m going to be more selfless, I’m going to be more loving, I’m going to be more patient, I’m going to be more trustworthy and more honest. That’s just the way I try to live my life. And so I think the faith part of it is really huge for me.
Kimberly Hoffman 31:47
Sure, I really resonate with that pillar, as well. And I think Matthew, you would, would agree, when you are aligned with God and your faith is on track, then I feel like everything, not just your marriage, but your family, your extended family, everything really falls into place. So thank you for sharing that.
Matthew Hoffman 32:09
I appreciate that. And it kind of leads us into another area that we’d love to talk about. We both believe in the philosophy of what we call spillover thinking. And we think that the marriage relationship is really the center, and that everything flows out from there. It’s not that thing. That’s one of many things, but the goodness in your relationship really feeds and motivates and spills over into other areas of your life. So Trey, I’d like to start with you and say, how have you seen the goodness of your marriage spill over into other areas of your life?
Trey Morgan 32:42
I think having children is a big thing. And I’m probably stealing a little bit of what she was going to say. Because we both noticed this, we have two married children. We have four boys, two of them are married. One of them has a serious girlfriend, a third one and the other one has dated off and on. But we’ve noticed in their relationships with their wives, that they’ve actually said things like, what we didn’t realize how important it was that you guys modeled what marriage was supposed to look like, which we really at the time didn’t know we were doing. We look back now at times when we might have left them for date night or with an aunt so that we could go overnight somewhere by ourselves, which didn’t happen very often. And I know that there were times that we would probably feel very guilty about that, oh, we’re leaving our kids. We’ve had them for 364 days. But this one day, we’re feeling that, we would go off and we would remind ourselves that we’re husband and wife and our kids might go, Why Are y’all going on a date? Why aren’t you taking us and now we look back and we realize how important that was that they saw that we were giving our relationship as husband and wife some priority over just always being a mom and dad. And so they have watched us date, they have watched me. One of the things that I enjoy doing for Lea is I always open the car door for her. And we noticed years ago when we went out as a family, the boys just knew somebody supposed to have mom’s car door, because that’s what they’ve seen dad do. And now they open car doors for their wives or their girlfriends. And so it’s nice to see that some of the things that we modeled spilled over into the lives of our children because
Matthew Hoffman 34:28
Sure.
Trey Morgan 34:28
we definitely could have spilled over some bad things and some bad habits and some some things that we didn’t want them to catch. But we’re glad that we modeled or tried to model affection and kissing in front of them and flirting with one another. We wanted to see, wanted them to see that we were more than just mom and dad. We were also husband and wife.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:49
I hope our listeners really are listening to this because modeling that behavior for your children and especially for your boys is such a gift to them. And you know, they might go eww when they see you kissing and you know, flirting with each other. But the truth of the matter is that they’re taking all that in, it’s giving them confidence, and it’s building trust in the future for them as well.
Matthew Hoffman 35:18
Love that. Thanks for sharing that. Lea, what would you add about spillover? What do you see in the goodness of your relationship and how it spills over to other areas of your life?
Lea Morgan 35:25
I think, you know, it really makes me appreciate it. We had mentors that we looked up to when we were young, as a young married couple, couples that we looked at, and you know, the goodness of their marriage spilled over into our lives. And now we can be that for other young couples, not just our children, but you know, just our community as a whole. You know, we can show them what a healthy marriage looks like.
Matthew Hoffman 35:55
Sure. That’s great. Thank you.
Kimberly Hoffman 36:00
So I have a question, a fun question for you. If you could go back and give your unmarried self Lea, if you could give your unmarried self one piece of advice, what would that advice be?
Lea Morgan 36:17
I would have to tell myself to lighten up. Don’t take don’t expect so much perfectionism. I am a perfectionist. And that is hard on marriage. I think when you expect everything to be perfect, because it’s not going to be. And I would tell myself, you’ve got to lighten up.
Kimberly Hoffman 36:40
That’s great advice. How about you? Trey? What if you could go back and put your hands on the shoulders of your unmarried self? What would you say?
Trey Morgan 36:49
I would tell myself to grow up. She said lighten up. I would say grow up.That ‘s you know, your job is not to entertain everybody your job is you don’t have to everybody doesn’t have to like you. You don’t need everybody’s approval. And I would tell myself to grow up. You can handle being more mature than what you are at this time.
Kimberly Hoffman 37:13
Great
Matthew Hoffman 37:13
Good advice.
Kimberly Hoffman 37:14
Well, we’re all in
Kimberly Hoffman 37:15
this together. Right? We all are like Matthew would say, drinking the same Kool Aid. And we’re really trying to help people prioritize their marriage in their relationships. Is there a burning question you’re wanting to answer that, maybe we haven’t asked? Something you’d like to share?
Trey Morgan 37:40
Yeah, families at the dinner table? That is your passion.
Lea Morgan 37:43
Oh, yeah, I do. I do tend to bring this up a lot. When we do.
Trey Morgan 37:46
She’s so passionate about this. And it’s a great thing to be passionate about.
Lea Morgan 37:50
It just seems like every time we do a podcast episode, or even when we’re, you know, in the middle of a workshop, and I’ll just, I’ll just have to say, you know, what, if you just sit down and have dinner as a family together, it would just help so many things. And we’ve gotten away from the dinner table. You know, families have gotten so busy that a lot of times they’re eaten on the go, and we’re not taking that time to sit down and connect as a family. And, you know, I mean, it’s just such a great time to talk, let everybody have a turn talking about, you know, the high point, low point of their day. Things they’re looking forward to things they’re having a hard time with. And I think with our children, especially right now, we really need to give them time to, to voice those things. So that things don’t sneak up on us. And we don’t realize, you know, they’ve been having this issue for months. And we haven’t, we haven’t been aware of it, because we just haven’t sat down as a family
Kimberly Hoffman 38:48
Right
Lea Morgan 38:49
together. So I just Yeah, I am very passionate about the dinner table.
Trey Morgan 38:54
Yeah. And maybe it’s because we had so many good times around our dinner table, we’re everybody at least once a day, in the evening, everybody comes at the same time we sit down, we eat. Do not bring your cell phone to the table. And we just had some great times at the dinner table. It was a really important thing to us and, and if you’re not careful what you do now, even us today, we still need dinner table time now even though we’re empty nesters, because families and couples today are grabbing food, they’re going to the living room to sit in front of a television set. And then they’re they’re going we just never communicate. And it’s because you never sit down and talk or eat together.
Matthew Hoffman 39:36
And intentional communication is huge, especially in our digital age today. And I think the time you can share a meal with somebody, it’s something that everybody has to do. And you can either make it perfunctory and say, well, let’s just get through it. Or you can say let’s be intentional, and make sure we’re getting all the good out of it that we can. So I appreciate you all bringing that back to us and we are so grateful for the time you’ve given us today and being vulnerable and sharing from your own rich experience. If people want to learn more about who you are and what you do, where should they go? And where should they look,
Trey Morgan 40:11
Want me to tell them? You can find us online at “Treyandlea.com” T R E Y AND L E A.comThat will take you to kind of to our landing page, if you want to go to our podcast, if you want to find our upcoming workshops, we do 12 to 15 workshops a year, all over the US. You can find information on our books on that landing page, it will take you all to the right place. But that’s where you can find more information about us.
Matthew Hoffman 40:42
Terrific.
Kimberly Hoffman 40:43
Well, thank you both for being with us. Thank you for all the great content that you’re putting out there. And for all the marriages that you are helping. We’re so grateful.
Matthew Hoffman 40:51
We look forward to seeing you guys again soon. Thank you.