Kickass Couples Podcast

Why Friends First Works Ep. 45 Colin and Dawn Provine

By April 7, 2022No Comments

TRANSCRIPT

Ep. 45 Colin and Dawn Provine

Mon, 4/4 12:29PM • 46:26

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

relationship, parents, work, couples, communication, growing, hear, commitment, colin, important, love, life, college, years, family, kick ass, dawn, challenges, point, community

SPEAKERS

Kimberly Hoffman, Dawn Provine, Matthew Hoffman, Colin Provine

Matthew Hoffman  00:02

Welcome to the kick ass couples podcast. This is the place where we help committed couples who want to level up their marriage experience newfound clarity, hope and confidence. We’re Matthew and Cam, co hosts and husband and wife

Kimberly Hoffman  00:16

in 26 years together, we’ve seen a lot and never thought it could be as good as it is right now. We’re here to help you successfully navigate the messy, dirty and wonderful world of marriage.

Matthew Hoffman  00:28

We believe all couples deserve and are capable of experiencing an extraordinary and fulfilling marriage. And each week we’re bringing you life lessons from real life successful couples to help you grow and strengthen your relationship.

Kimberly Hoffman  00:43

We’ll get started right after this message. If you want to learn how to experience the best, most fulfilling year of your marriage, we invite you to order Matthew’s new book. You guys husband, winning at life marriage insects. You can get it@amazon.com or visit Matthews website. www dot Matthew hoffman.com. Again, that’s amazon.com or www dot Matthew hoffman.com. And now back to the show.

Matthew Hoffman  01:18

All right, we are so excited today to be back with you at the kick ass couples podcast. We have a beautiful couple with us today. We have Dawn Erickson provacan, and the enchanting and ZWave. Mr. Colin provacan. With us. We are so excited to have you guys. Welcome. We’re so

Colin Provine  01:37

excited to be here. All right, so excited. Thanks, guys for doing this for having us.

Kimberly Hoffman  01:42

Absolutely, we are ready to dive in to our interview with the two of you. And we like to ask right off the bat. What do you think makes you a kick ass couple? And either one of you take that first? Sure. Sure.

Colin Provine  02:01

I think I think for us. We really we started way back, you know. And so we met in college, pretty much the first week of school. And it wasn’t fully a love at first sight kind of thing. But when we did meet, and we it was helpful, we were in the same dorm right? What she was doing was right downstairs for me probably 30 feet from my dorm door. And, and so I think we’re going to meet at some point. But when we did meet, what really helped us to kick us off from a relationship standpoint was that we were just buddies, we were friends, we hung out a lot, you know, went to the library a lot. And so having a base of true friendship for for a good number of months that ultimately development to something else. I think having that foundation in college, when you’re almost in a dream world anyway, you’re away from home, you’re kind of responsible, but you’re not in the real world quite yet. That’s been very, very fundamental and foundational for us how we got started, and how the relationship evolved over time?

Dawn Provine  03:09

Well, I’ll piggyback on that and say, yes, the foundation is the absolute. But the trajectory, I think is what really makes us a kick ass couple. It’s all of the potential that we see in ourselves, to continue to grow and fortify our relationship, the things that we can see contributing to society and to family. I think that’s probably the most important right now for us. I love

Colin Provine  03:40

I think along those lines, too. I mean, a professor in business school once mentioned that, you know, he said, Mary, this was a sage Oh, professor was his last year of teaching at the school. He was in his 80s I think he said, you know, what, no, don’t marry for love, marry for values, right. And it really started wrote it down to the time didn’t think a lot about it, but thought about it later. And that’s really been key for us is that we had very similar values coming from different places for sure, different parts of the country, etc. But very similar values. And that was key to us building a stronger and stronger relationship over time.

Kimberly Hoffman  04:16

No doubt, I love hearing that the friendship system was so foundational for you because I think studies have really shown that when couples have that real true friendship as their core it just as you said, Dawn it just it goes any you know, up from there.

Matthew Hoffman  04:36

And to Man Yeah, another great pearl I love Yeah, the values versus the love and you got to have a foundation and Don you said trajectory and that’s so right. It’s trajectory. You’re not looking where you’re going right, it’s gonna be a mess. So you’re looking at where you’re going, but you’re taking the values and the commonality with you. You know, how we can do in the family how we can do in our community at work. We can do in our careers. And so I love that. And I mean, that’s, that’s why your windshields so big and the rearview mirror so small, right? You gotta look where you’re going otherwise it can get pretty messy. So you guys just gave us three great pearls in the in the opening there. So thank you for that. And you know, one of the things, it’s fun to hear why you think you are and we agree from from how we know you guys. And you know, we’re both firm believers that you really have to look back sometimes before you can go forward. And Kim had and has an expression she’ll often say is, you know, I think that grandpa’s in your bones, right? So we’re all kind of a project of who raised a product of who raised us and what did love look like? So I would love to hear from each of you. Maybe Dawn, you can start and say, What did love look like for you growing up in your house, your home? How was how was that expressed? And how did you experience love.

Dawn Provine  05:58

Love took many forms, because it wasn’t just in a parental vision. My parents were not growing up primarily when I was younger. And we have a very big extended family. So that’s really where I saw a lot of the relationships. And that just taught me not only about, you know, love and a couple, but how you share that love with the family to keep everyone together. And when Colin became a part of my family and I became a part of his that was what was so important to me was how they embraced him and how he embraced my family. So just to go back a little bit about you know, me growing up, I grew up in a very urban setting in Brooklyn, New York, life was busy on the go. So when we had the time to slow down a little, we went to see family in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and my mom has a pretty big family. She’s got eight siblings all together. And that was really where all the magic was.

Matthew Hoffman  07:14

So what I hear you saying is you’re you learned from your parents, but you really learned more from your extended family, those aunts and uncles and cousins and sounds like you had an incredible canvas of relationships and experiences and expressions as you were growing up. Can you can you think of one specific? Can you give me one specific example of what so of whether it’s your mom and dad or extended family? Like how did you see love expressed? Like, what do you remember, between two people that were intimate and close to each other? Can you think of an example?

Dawn Provine  07:46

Well, I think with my family, we’re pretty touchy feely. So, you know, it was no big deal for us to cuddle together. And even to this day, we run around the house when my sisters and my niece’s come over, and we, you know, poke each other in inappropriate areas and run off and you know, laugh and lots of laughter. And in terms of, you know, more of a, I guess, a foundational type of love, just unconditional love with, you know, parents, being there to help with our studies and taking us places and just really showing us the world and always supporting everything we ventured to do in it. So that’s how I experienced it.

Matthew Hoffman  08:35

Oh, that’s great. How about you,

Colin Provine  08:37

Colin? And sure, I think from my standpoint, I think first about my parents is my earliest example. They’ve been married this year, next month will be 55 years. They were college sweethearts, like Donna and my and myself, met in college. And both of their parents were until their desks were married, you know, 60 years or so what have you. So that was a great example, in some sense, but also had a nice reality check in the sense that both of my parents, all of their siblings experienced divorce in some point in their lives. So my cousins were all sort of products of divorce at some point. That said, we really have a loving and cohesive family on both fronts. And I think what was sort of foundational in for my for my mom, and what my parents provided was a stable home. comfort in that just an investment in our education. sacrifice was very big. My parents said, you know, three kids, myself and my two siblings, my brother and my sister to private schools, for most of our education and to all three of us to the Ivy League for undergrad. And it was a huge sacrifice in a lot of ways and but that was certainly a way for my parents to to show their love for us by investing in our education. Even when other things, they had the same car for 20 years, because they were paying tuition. And that was that came first. And that was a priority. So, so they exhibited love, and those sorts of ways. And I had a great example of a couple that’s still going strong today, with their seven grandkids 55 years, some some odd years later from college. So shining example for me, in almost a template in a way. Not that I went to school looking for, you know, the next my, my wife or what have you, but But certainly, when it sort of happened naturally, I could see, I can envision where the word this was going by looking at my parents and my grandparents, quite honestly.

Dawn Provine  10:40

Sure. And I looked at both sets of grandparents, my grandparents have been together, you know, right until they died. And so that was always there for me. My my mom and my dad’s parents.

Matthew Hoffman  10:55

beautiful example of sacrifice, calling. Can you think can you think of a way a time that you remember looking at your parents relationship? How did they express love and care for each other? What did you see? What did they How did they do that as you remember?

Colin Provine  11:09

Sure. And, and as I remember, but also, as I go back, I’m a trustee at my alma mater back in my hometown, Chattanooga, Tennessee, scenic Chattanooga, Tennessee. And when I go back, I’m often there by myself going to a board meeting and I’m traveling up between holidays for that board meeting. And maybe I’m there a couple nights, unfortunately, my parents are still in town. So I stay at their house. In my my own home, my own bedroom that I grew up in basically, and often early in the morning are here my parents and they have their they were pretty much a routine, they make breakfast in the morning, they sit at the table, listen to the the easy listening station and read the newspaper, or what have you. But I’ll hear they’re over here their conversations a bit. And they’re, they’re just so kind of kind and, and, and just loving and patient and I think back, wow, that I do flashback to 1985 or something, because because it’s the same sort of routine and the same kind of love and demeanor that I experienced as a kid. And that’s reassuring and life affirming in a way for me 30 years plus later, to see that they still have that even with their long empty nest now. And so that’s certainly a way that I’ve seen it consistently through time, exhibited, them exhibit that towards each other.

Dawn Provine  12:29

And I will give a shout out to his parents too, because I’ve been going to his parents house since I was 18. So they definitely served as an example for me, as we were still growing up.

Matthew Hoffman  12:41

Sure what a what a great example of constancy. And you know, and that get how that makes you feel, as as a child, but then again, as as now in a parent and adult and a father and a husband. Just that that consistency and knowing that those qualities are strong, and they remain strong, and they’re still demonstrating them. And that’s a testament to them. And obviously, you know, a great example to you. So thank you for that.

Kimberly Hoffman  13:06

We have 13 pillars that we believe make up a successful relationship. And of those 13 pillars, we have three that we really focus on, we call them the three C’s, and that’s commitment, communication, and conflict resolution. What I’d love to talk to you both a little bit about first is commitment and what commitment looks like in your relationship. So maybe Dawn, if you can take that first. Tell me a little bit about how commitment shows up in your relationship with Collin.

Dawn Provine  13:44

Well, we’ve had our relationship tested in many ways, and we’ve never failed. When we were dating after college, we had a long distance relationship. And that was it actually wasn’t difficult for me at all to to just, you know, say hey, we’re going to get that plane ticket and get out there to run up the phone bill back when there was such a thing for long distance phone bills. And to spend all night, you know, catching up after work on the phone or writing letters and sending little care packages and things like that. Further down the line when we already had children, or we were in the process of having our children. I was in medical school, long hours, big commute. We actually lived in between where I was attending medical school and where Conan was working and we both had driven 100 miles a day to get back and forth. At some point we were doing that was little Kaoru in the backseat And just, you know, really filling in the gap when the other needed whatever they needed, you know, if it was, you know, doing the dishes, helping with housework, you know, making dinner, just giving a backrub little things like that really just, you know, showed our commitment to one another. And it just came so easily and effortlessly wasn’t as if I had to plan to be committed, you know, we just felt obligated.

Kimberly Hoffman  15:35

It sounds like you’re very in tune to each other’s needs. And we’re able to sort of Intuit what each other needed in, you know, whatever moment you might have been in. And so I love hearing that you’re, you know, open to those opportunities to be committed and show your commitment to each other. How about you, Colin, what, tell me a little bit about what commitment looks like for you?

Colin Provine  16:01

I think likewise, I mean, if you think about whether it’s long distance, or even going back to college, you know, we essentially dated for three and a half years of our four years up at Yale, right? And, and that was a very busy campus, a lot of students around and many relationships came and went around us. And it’s like, we didn’t even question it, you know, we had something strong, we knew it, we had tons of fun. Some folks made fun of us, because they saw us together. But we also had to maintain our own lives on campus as well, whether it’s in my fraternity, or in her community service, or we had very intensive majors. And so that was just the beginning. And so that became our expectation, we do whatever we need to do to take care of each other and, and continue to grow. My dad often says, we’re a good team, and he’s been Senate for a few decades at this point. And that’s the case so, and your mom as well. And so it sort of comes comes naturally. And we feel very fortunate and blessed. We know it comes with work. But but it is it is something that did just sort of, we do it without thinking about it. And so for me, the commitment is the long term being there for each other, getting through medical school and residency, I felt like I went through medical school even or not me and with three, two kids in medical school and one in residency, I traveled across that I’ve traveled the globe, many times over for business I same time. And we did whatever we had to do to be there for the kids and try to maintain careers and through all the twists and turns of careers and what have you. And now it’s sort of like you know, it’s been many years later. And sort of like Michael Jordan said, at one point, the game sort of slows down and you get to the certain ages, you can kind of anticipate things a little bit. So So we continue to challenge ourselves and grow, we don’t get complacent because that’s something you want always look out for. But But we remain equally as committed as we always have been. And now it’s 30 plus years,

Dawn Provine  17:57

we’re really fortunate that we started our relationship so early. We weren’t. We grew together, I’ll put it that way we weren’t so grounded in in already becoming sort of separate entities. He’s just like, the other part of me, we’re not a separate person, it seems.

Kimberly Hoffman  18:18

And the things that you described, could potentially tear people apart, right? You’re traveling the globe, you have a young, a young child, your medical school, there’s so many things happening, you’re you know, each in these vortexes that are just sort of swirling around, yet you still were able to come together and really focus on being a teen. And I think that’s a great important point for our listeners to, to hear.

Matthew Hoffman  18:43

I mean, everybody’s got a lot of I mean to full time professional careers that are demanding, no doubt, large extended families, right, three kids, and there’s a lot, but the fact that you’re able to maintain that commitment, I think one of the things that just before we move on to our next, our next pillar here, you guys had talked about growing together. And that’s huge, you know, people talk about growing apart. But what I heard you say, Don is that you were learning how to do things at the same time. So you’re kind of figuring out who you want to be and how you want to be, and helping each other do that, as opposed to, hey, this is who I am. That’s who you are. And we’re these separate poles that are trying to figure out if we can make it work together. So that that’s a beautiful example. I appreciate that. And it kind of leads into our next pillar, which is communication and communication is so critical. I mean, if there is commitment, kind of anything can be done. We both feel pretty strongly that commitment is the cornerstone of a relationship. And we know that you all have that down. So when you think about communication, calling I’ll ask you first, what does that look like in your relationship? How have you guys learned to make that dance and keep it effective and meaningful?

Colin Provine  19:56

I think for one communication multifaceted I mean, it’s certainly the verbal communication, it’s the nonverbal, it’s, it’s being in tune. Communication is sort of how we hit it off. I mean, we were, I would say goofing off in a dorm at the library or the dining hall on campus. And I mean, night seems so long at that point, but But there seem to be so much we’re trying to squeeze into it as well. But there were some of those nights where it’s clearly 2am. We know we had a class of the next day, and we’d be talking about, you know, anything. Crazy stuff, funny stuff, really deep conversations. And so we built a really so upon a basis of communication Well, before we were in a romantic or together, and that’s been a constant steady. Dawn is very, very frank. Communicator, I think. And I think it’s a lot a lot of her style. So I’ve learned so much from her about speaking your mind, saying what you really mean. And so I was a little more, I guess, more reserved in thinking, you know, and not willing to always put my thoughts out there so much this Southern way. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, so it’s I think we’ve we’ve really leverage that as our one of our really superpowers, I guess, in staying in communication, whether you know, I’m in England, or India or India, or Paris on a trip. And she’s deep into, you know, to call or something for for work. And that’s something that’s just we’ve continued to get stronger and stronger, but absolutely key in my mind that we’re on the same page, we’re in the loop. And when we’re, when we’re not, you know, we kind of circle the wagons and talk about it and get clear on whatever the issue may be. Right.

Dawn Provine  21:47

Refining about communication, honestly, he missed some highlights. But when we were in college, we almost developed our own language. We came up with a lot of acronyms.

Matthew Hoffman  21:58

I want to hear some Come on.

Dawn Provine  22:01

We coined the term OMG, like 30 years ago,

Matthew Hoffman  22:05

why hadn’t met you come on?

Dawn Provine  22:09

We should have, we had so many ways of communicating that were nonverbal. To this day, we can still give each other that I we know exactly what we’re talking about. You know, if you’re working at a cocktail party and looking at each other from across the room, he kind of know what it means, you know, whether it’s time to go or it’s all Yeah, you look like you really have a good time talking to that person over there, that kind of look, you know, or even when we’re around family, you know, just have an inside joke on some things. And, folks, and and we’re very intentional. Communicating, sometimes in the morning, I leave the house and I call when I’m driving down the street, just to you know, hurry up and catch up on what the business of the day would be. And we text off and do the day. You know, I can think of times where it’s been his birthday, and I’ve put sticky notes all over the bathroom mirror to tell him happy birthday all over the house. And, you know, we’re just always thinking about that.

Colin Provine  23:20

We both like to talk a lot. So maybe that’s part of the girlis as part of the communication

Matthew Hoffman  23:26

when it comes to creating a kick ass marriage. Do you ever wonder what you could be doing better? Have you ever thought how helpful would be to be a part of a like minded community of other imperfect couples who want to level up and their number one relationship? Come visit kick ass couples nation, where you can talk with people just like you are looking for ways to invest in and increase their joy, commitment, and fulfillment in their most important human relationship. You’ll have access to a team of licensed marriage therapists, coaches, articles, podcasts, live webinars and more. Just visit Matthew P hoffman.com. So you can learn more about a community that’s ready to help you level up. That’s Matthew P Hoffman calm so you can become of the growing kick ass couples nation right now. So how did you guys learn? Where do you think that came from? Where did you have what what brought you to develop the style that of how you guys communicate together? It was it? Did you just say hey, I think this is what we need to do. Was it agreement? Was it looking at somebody else? Or was it saying we’re definitely not doing that? We’re doing this? Like, how do you guys think you kind of landed on? Yes,

Colin Provine  24:35

yes. And yes.

Matthew Hoffman  24:36

Yeah. Okay.

Dawn Provine  24:38

Well, laughter was a part of it too. I comedian and I love comedy. So you know, I’m always doing something to make it funny. So that that really pushes the need. Beautiful.

Colin Provine  24:52

I think that that’s a lot of it. I mean, we I mean, we’re this watching funny movies, at Murphy movies or whatever it may be through Through the years, you know, Seinfeld, just just whatever. Don’s a huge comedy buff I was as well. And it’s

Dawn Provine  25:08

hard to make him laugh so I try Yeah, yeah.

Matthew Hoffman  25:11

Poker Face. Still good. All right.

Kimberly Hoffman  25:16

So third of our three C’s is conflict resolution. And I know that after the many years you have been together, there have been peaks and valleys. And I think we all go through that in relationships. So I’m curious, how have you managed conflict resolution within your relationship?

Colin Provine  25:37

I would say one, I mean, we certainly we have, we manage our expectations for one. So even though we view life as a journey, and certainly not about the destination so much, we understand there are challenging times just based on our careers and having three kids, you know, like to sales, I mean, that that introduces plenty of challenges financially and otherwise through the years. And so I think we, we were not naive, so we anticipate something’s going to be challenging. And honestly, it goes back to the previous pillar communication. So when we do have that conflict, or perceived conflict or potential conflict, it’s not not too long passes before we we honestly in frankly, speak and talk about it and work through it, whether it’s, you know, in the bedroom, or on the phone driving to work or what have you. But we don’t let it fester or go on too long without really confronting the, the elephant in the room, so to speak.

Dawn Provine  26:34

I think I missed something I didn’t know we had any conflicts,

Colin Provine  26:38

or just minor stuff.

Dawn Provine  26:40

I think I’m a little more semantic. Maybe it’s the doctor in me, but I rather diagnose the crux of the issue. And then I just hammer away at that. So you know, just figuring out what, what is creating the impasse and just going either through it around it over under whatever I need to do to scale it. That’s just sort of my approach. And yeah, I definitely like to resolve something sooner than later. We had a recent blow up over something. And I think five minutes later, I said, Okay, I’m sorry. Thanks for letting me get that out. I just needed to kind of yell about that for a minute. And then we just moved on. And we just laughed afterward.

Colin Provine  27:26

One thing, one thing I’ll say about about danos, I’ve always been impressed with is that she she will blow pretty hot about some things, but she really gets over it so quickly. And I’m like, wow, I mean, this you forget, 10 minutes ago, she was upset about this thing, and she’ll keep it moving. I’m sitting still, like, wow, you know, recovering from the blow, but she completely can’t can keep it moving and keep her blood pressure down and all of that. So just I don’t know, maybe survival technique from Brooklyn. I don’t know. But I mean, it’s certainly the case. I think

Kimberly Hoffman  27:58

another thing you said dawn that really stood out to me is that you really want to get to the crux of the problem. Because we always talk about it’s not about it’s not about you didn’t take out the trash, right? It’s really a deeper issue when challenges come up. And there’s conflict and you’re really working through things. So I think it’s really important to say to your spouse or your significant other, hey, what’s really going on? What’s gotten at you today? Like, what, what, what’s, what’s making you feel this way? So I love that you are sort of the digger. And you’re really getting in there to say, you know, Colin, what, what’s happening here? Let’s figure this out.

Matthew Hoffman  28:40

Yeah. What’s the dream inside of the conflict? Conflict says is this but hold on? Let’s what’s the dream that’s going on back in there and, and talk about and I think, you know, you guys didn’t say this. But I sense that when there’s conflict for for Kim and I to we’re getting better at this not always perfect, but it’s making sure that you know, how do you not react if someone’s hot headed, right? And they’re coming at you with the walls go up, and we want to be defensive and maybe, or maybe we verbally say something, right? That is not in keeping with those values that we have. And I think it’s okay to have conflict, but agreeing how you’re going to have it to make sure that you’re still respecting and loving and not doing something within the conflict that’s tearing down or denigrating the other person, because then that creates that’s that’s like a wound right? I mean, that’s like you’re twisting the knife, you know, you already got the knife in there, and then you move it around or try to stab again. And that’s, I think, keeping that when it sounds like you guys are able to play you know, go through that even though with your different styles in Don is a little more what I’m hearing you say synced into the page. Let’s let’s let’s bear it all and get out there. And Colin, you’re like, Okay, well, you know, we’ll talk about it and kind of marinate a little bit and, you know, maybe we all have those roles and handle those differently, but it sounds like you all do it and respect the style. have of each other?

Kimberly Hoffman  30:01

And has. I’m curious. Colin has Dawn taught you to be more vulnerable and open, by the way that she has been pretty much just succinct into the point.

Colin Provine  30:15

Yeah, I think the verbal piece was fine. But I was always sort of a softy, I guess to some extent, but but the open piece and being frank and honest about what you feel, you know, she’s, she’s the surgeon and the digger so she can go in and operate and really figure out, figure it out sometimes. And when I may be more in denial, and you know, it’s kind of dancing around it. So I think we both sort of met in the middle and a little ways, she softened the edges a little bit in that regard. And I’ve become more perceptive and around some of these things and more aggressive about getting right to the crux of the issue. So that’s another example of how we’ve, we’ve grown together and one plus one equals three in this case, I think, in a lot of ways.

Matthew Hoffman  30:55

Synergy. I

Dawn Provine  30:56

love the softer too, though. Yeah, you have, you have for many, many years, the big issue for for B and spilling over into us was my career, you know, just a lot of fatigue, and, you know, stress and working long hours, sometimes working 2436 hours and really, really busy. You know, just realize how that changes your mood, you know, sure,

Kimberly Hoffman  31:24

when you bring that home to your husband and your family. That’s challenging. You know, that’s hard for everyone.

Matthew Hoffman  31:32

It is it is. And I like I wanted to make sure you said the one plus one equals three. And that synergy is so important in relationships, because it’s about the US. And together, you know, together, you’re stronger than separate. So making sure those cords wrapped together, keep the strength of the relationship of the family and that and that support. And I think that’s a great way to think about kind of putting a ribbon on conflict resolution, we’ve kind of talked a lot about three of our pillars, the three C’s, we call them but we do have a 11 other pillars on that sheet in front of you. So I would love for you guys to do is to look at those pillars and I’d like you to let me know and Collin will ask you to go first. Which one of those outside of the three C’s stands out most to you? Or do you feel has special meaning or significance?

Colin Provine  32:21

I would say the the intimacy in some ways and that’s all levels of intimacy and a lot of ways. We’re very close. And touchy feely Don mitten massages, that’s one of my secret powers, foot massages and back massages quite quite honestly. And you know, like touching

Kimberly Hoffman  32:41

in general sounds like a love language.

Colin Provine  32:45

It works. And then, you know, I wasn’t didn’t grow up really in a huggy families with all the love we had. We weren’t really physical huggy Don’s family was so I kind of learned that a lot from being around her extended family, and a lot of ways and so just kind of interesting how that’s been something that’s become more and more important over time, so but it’s also emotional intimacy, intimacy as well. Right? Being connected, being aware of each other. And just the power of, of the mind in pot and positive thoughts, you know, just sort of those kinds of things resonate for us. And even if we’re not, we don’t speak during the day, I honestly get just as excited when she has her own ringtone on my phone, my phone, but when that ringtone goes off, is I have you know, for 30 years and you know, so I think that’s that’s just the, you know, evidence of sort of the idiocy that we’ve built emotionally, physically and otherwise. And it’s something that just is very critically important. I think,

Matthew Hoffman  33:52

I would agree with you. Is there any is there anything that you do to preserve that? Like how do you it sounds like you’ve been able to do that? Can you can you think of something that you do or that she does for you in your relationship that helps cement that and keep it strong and flowing?

Colin Provine  34:09

I think one thing that’s important for us almost on a daily basis, I call it cuddle on the couch that kind of thing and meaning at some point in the day we’re sitting on the loveseat of the sofa or the chairs in front of the bed watching TV and we get that quiet time to really try to relax in a very busy life right and we’ll make that a priority weekends for sure. You know we always seem to find time to make that happen. And a lot of in a lot of ways. It just may be Netflix and chill so to speak. But when we’re sitting together you know watching something I have a particular affinity for lm n lately no finger right is that channel LM in some of those corny movies and and we watch those and make fun of them kind of together. So that that’s so With that, always finding the time in the day to get sun in that may often lead to a foot massage back massage as well, which I know she loves so. So that’s that’s important for us in our weekly and daily routine.

Dawn Provine  35:12

So I will sum it up to say that it’s kind of the fun and humor with the intimacy. Literally anything that tickles my brain is good for me and just makes me want more of that. And he said, he has a secret power, he can massage my feet. And I tell him I literally feel that in my brain right now I feel in my head dangling. And if we’re watching a show that we both get a big kick out of he mentioned element, but we were joking around more recently that hey, we ought to have a podcast kind of like, the way Beavis and Butthead just sat around and made, you know, comments on these shows, we just say the funniest things, he shows. We just crack each other to count. I wish we recorded that, you know, so just that humor and keeping me engaged and also keeping me on my toes. He has a very dry sense of humor that will surprise you sometimes, you know, he just comes up with this one liner that I didn’t see coming and oh my god, that tea. That’s why I married you. You know,

Kimberly Hoffman  36:27

I think humor and play in a relationship is vital. And I believe it just makes for such a fulfilling relationship when you have that and I bet on you are a kick ass mom as well, because your kids probably just thought you were hysterical. They think I’m crazy.

Colin Provine  36:49

Amazing when you when you can make your kids blush, right?

Matthew Hoffman  36:53

Right. You’re doing your job? That’s exactly make him blush making. I do though,

Kimberly Hoffman  37:00

have you lived for that I

Matthew Hoffman  37:02

do. My job I kiss Kim, they’re like, can you stop it?

Kimberly Hoffman  37:06

Don’t miss her like that.

Matthew Hoffman  37:07

I don’t think I love this woman. I don’t want to hear that. Don’t do it. That’s good. Well, I appreciate you guys sharing about those pillars. Thank you.

Kimberly Hoffman  37:15

So we believe that the success of our relationship, and the beauty of our relationship is so fulfilling for us that it just spills over into other things that we do. And it does that just naturally, right? Because we’re so filled, our cup is so full, that it spills over into other areas of our life. And I’d love to know, what are some ways that your relationship and the fullness of your relationship has spilled over into other areas of your lives?

Colin Provine  37:49

Sure, I mean, we’re pretty active out there, I guess, you know, family is the priority and the kids and all of that our youngest is now senior in high school so we can almost taste the the empty nest approaching. And we embrace that not a bad thing. But we know they won’t be far they’ll come back many times but but I think we we try to have full engaged sort of lives and in a lot of ways so we’re active in the community and a lot of ways on boards and school boards and that’s how we met I think Matt and sort of spent a lot of time together many years ago. And and just community service. Very big on just kids education in schools and college prep those kinds of things. So a lot of these organizations that were part of hospital boards, for example, we have there a lot of social events, you know, pandemic aside and we we don’t say no to most of those invites, we love to go to those those events and meet meet people and really just broaden our network and a lot of ways and learn from folks. I’m most importantly, so we’re not just about work and work and kids. I mean, we really like to have a role in our in our wider community and lead in that regard and still try to keep all the balls in the air and try to find that elusive work life balance. But but that’s important for us.

Dawn Provine  39:10

Yeah, I’d like to look at us as providing 2.0. And so the way our relationship spills into other things is that every time he has his hand in the community doing something or even on the level of family or going to work, I always get the debrief, so I learn all the things that he learned during the day. And vice versa. It’s almost like we just kind of can’t wait to give all those highlights when we get home like Oh, you gotta hear this or especially things we’re, we’re connected, you know, to the same organization like our Yale community. And I may hear from one of our friends from Yale and you know, can’t wait to share the news and vice versa but But that that’s really what I love is that I’m getting double Yeah.

Matthew Hoffman  40:07

You’re being enriched by his his experience of enriching others and vice versa. It sounds like a nice dance. That’s, that’s great.

Colin Provine  40:15

I’ve been to a lot of medical function to in my day.

Dawn Provine  40:18

Oh, he’s speaking the lingo.

Matthew Hoffman  40:21

When did people think there might be two doctors in the family sometimes, right? Wait a minute, Who’s the doctor? Yeah. I love it well, so in all the years you’ve been married, this is kind of this is a fun question. And we’re kind of dwindling down here. But we love to ask this. So, Don, I’m going to ask you to go first, if you don’t knowing what you know, now, if you could go back and give your unmarried self, one piece of advice, what would it be?

Dawn Provine  40:52

Um, that’s hard, because I was just making this comment the other day, that I don’t have many regrets. Because if I change one thing, I wouldn’t end up where I am right now. So it’s so hard to try to think of something that I could do differently. But but definitely enjoying the journey more is a big one. Often looking at the end point and not enjoying the steps in between, thankfully, we have 1000s of pictures to, you know, sit in our emptiness shortly, pour over those memories. But yeah, that’s a hard question. I guess just love harder and smell the roses more along the way?

Matthew Hoffman  41:44

Sure. Good, good advice. How much you calling?

Colin Provine  41:49

I think for me, you know, change is constant. So just an awareness of you should embrace change, is there something to really dive into. And as opposed to trying to resist change, change can be very, very positive and exciting. If you embrace it, and and you almost have an expectation that it’s going to be there. Having that mindset a little sooner, would help me really appreciate new challenges. Look for the positive in job changes and moves to new cities, that kind of thing. So certainly, looking back, I have a better appreciation for that. Now.

Kimberly Hoffman  42:31

There’s a lot of fear there. And I think one you can set aside the fear, and really be open to the change and welcome the change, you can find that it can sometimes be really bittersweet, right? Absolutely.

Matthew Hoffman  42:44

Great. Well, thank you guys, so much for the time we’ve had with you today, we’ve gotten to know you a little better. And here are some of the things the what you’ve done to build a successful kick ass relationship. And we’re grateful if people want to learn more about you, or your companies, or what you’re doing and where you guys are where, where should where should they look? Or where where would you send them if they say, Hey, we want to learn more about these people.

Colin Provine  43:11

I mean, you know, I’m on Facebook, and LinkedIn is probably the best way to get me. And my causes are school boards, you know, things like I’m alma mater’s board, for example. And we’ve been very, at our kids school, as you know, brooklet forever, we’ve been very actively involved there for 1415 years at this point. So that’s probably the best way and that’s where to kind of find us active in my fraternity more active now my my college fraternity which I’ve been a member since my sophomore year of college. And we’re very busy in the community as well, so so that that’s probably the best way and it’s where you find the most outside of work? Sure,

Dawn Provine  43:49

well, you can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and my company that I’m currently the medical director at is called age rejuvenation. So we have a lot of social media, we have our own website. I have my own sorority in other social organizations that are part of so Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority. I’m on the academy prep of Tampa board, and I participate in a lot of other community service activities through an organization called Jack and Jill of America. So that’s fine would

Kimberly Hoffman  44:30

be beautiful. Well, thank you both so much. You have really been so generous with your time and have been open and vulnerable with us. And we really appreciate all that you have given to our listeners today. And I also want to acknowledge you for all of the hard work and dedication that you have given to the community of Tampa Bay as well as your communities of Yale and all the other things that, John, you’re just describing which is a long, beautiful list of things that you all are involved in. So you know you you’re making time for your family, obviously you’ve prioritized your relationship. But you’re also making time for your family, friends and your community. So kudos to you all for for that. We’re grateful

Matthew Hoffman  45:21

to you on all those levels. And we enjoyed speaking with you today, and can’t wait to connect again soon.

Dawn Provine  45:29

Thank you. We’ve enjoyed this so much. And we’re so proud of what you guys have done. We just really appreciate the opportunity.

Matthew Hoffman  45:35

Slowly the journey continues it does until next town.

Kimberly Hoffman  45:40

That’s all we’ve got for this episode of the kick ass couples podcast. If you like the content of the show, you’ll love Matthews newly released book, kick ass husband, winning at life, marriage and sex. To receive a digital mini book of quotes and images from the book. All you have to do is rate this show and leave a review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune into. Then email us a screenshot of your review at podcast at kick ass couples podcast.com and we’ll get it over to you right away. Until next time, remember happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It’s on purpose.