Audio and Video
rob, relationship, linda, love, play, talk, call, business, feel, hear, sounds, communication, dating, work, pillar, nice, respect, dad, friends, strong
Matthew Hoffman, Rob Kessler, Linda Kessler, Kimberly Hoffman
Matthew Hoffman 00:00
Welcome back to the Kickass Couples Podcast. We are excited to be joined by a power couple just south of us from Atlanta, Georgia. We have Rob and Linda Kessler joining us today for the interview. Welcome everybody.
Linda Kessler 03:22
Rob Kessler 03:22
How are you?
Matthew Hoffman 03:23
I’m excellent. Spring has sprung it was scaring us a little while with some 40s in the morning. But Spring is here and I know summer is on his heels. So you can see a beautiful that is not a green screen behind us. Those are real trees here and our Airstream trailer that we named Phoenix and this is where we do all of our our podcast interviews and I see some cool stuff that I know we’ll learn behind you guys. But I’d love to start off with this question. And Linda, I’m gonna ask if you if you’d start I would love to know what do you think makes you and Rob a kickass couple?
Linda Kessler 03:56
it’s pretty unique that most couples they go to work during the day at different locations and they come back together and Rob and I actually spend a better part of our entire lives together that will either make you want to kill each other or love each other and it really works for us to be able to work on different projects and spend so much time together.
Matthew Hoffman 04:19
That’s great. So yeah, you get to do it all together see there must be some love underneath all that time I think that allows you to do that.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:26
Yeah there has to be some navigating those waters.
Linda Kessler 04:29
Matthew Hoffman 04:30
Absolutely. Rob, what do you think makes the two of you a kick ass couple?
Rob Kessler 04:33
I really always talk about our balance you know she the things that I’m weak at she’s very strong and vice versa and so we really play off each other in that way and just kind of know that if I can’t do something she’s gonna be there to help out are the other way around.
Matthew Hoffman 04:50
Right so I hear you saying is you guys complement each other well, and make up for each other shortcomings. That’s that’s a good a good place to be.
Kimberly Hoffman 04:58
Yeah, wouldn’t be very fun if we were with the person that was exactly like us, so learning, you know how to gain from strengths and weaknesses, that’s really big in a relationship. I want to go a little bit backward with both of you. And that is to talk a little bit about our histories, because we bring a lot of our history and what was modeled to us when we were younger, into our relationships. Sometimes it’s positive, and sometimes it’s traumatic or negative. And so Rob, I’d love to hear from you, first. What did love look like in your household when you were growing up? How was it modeled for you?
Rob Kessler 05:38
You know, I wouldn’t say it was a broken home. But you know, my parents got divorced when I was in fourth grade. My dad is a very brilliant entrepreneur, businessman. And so his main focus was the business. So I didn’t, we didn’t have the best relationship growing up. But my mom who got basically nothing out of the divorce, lived across town, worked three jobs, she always found time to spend with me, like she’d come on Wednesday nights pick up either me or my brother to spend just one extra night with us. And so I got a lot of love from her. And just that personal touch, and just like, you know, interaction, my dad was kind of, you know, the authoritarian, and you know, I was messing around after school and getting in trouble. And so he would be the one to come home and drop the hammer. So, you know, we kind of butt heads a lot. But we’re all really close, right now. My dad actually just took the entire family, including my mom and her new husband on a cruise not too long ago, it was 20 of us together. And so the family is really tight now, which is great.
Kimberly Hoffman 06:41
That’s progress. And that has to make you feel really good. So it sounds like most of your nurturing and most of love being modeled for you in a positive way really came from your mom, and not necessarily your dad when you were younger.
Rob Kessler 06:55
Yeah, it was it was pretty much lectures every night when he got home from work. So whatever I’ve done that day to get out of line, so he had some pretty tough rules. Those nobody and nobody else is rule when he wasn’t home when my stepmom wasn’t there. So it was just me and my brother, my stepsister, so we got to get into a lot of stuff.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:14
Yeah. Well, we always seem to find that trouble, you know, even if it’s within the walls of our own home.
Rob Kessler 07:25
My brother and I had an RC truck and we thought, let’s light these Q-tips on fire and drive the RC truck around the basement and then we almost burnt the house down.
Matthew Hoffman 07:35
Yeah, so you had some adventures, it sounds like.
Kimberly Hoffman 07:38
How about, go ahead. I’m sorry.
Rob Kessler 07:40
Kimberly Hoffman 07:43
Yes. And Linda, how about for you? What did love look like in your household when you were a child when you were growing up?
Linda Kessler 07:52
Wonderful. My parents were still together. And I don’t know everything was super supportive. And A plus gold stars from my mom to me for everything and they’re very good sounding board. My dad was huge. I can do I can fix it thing and it’s just my sister and I and grown up kind of like a tomboy. And it was like, kind of best of both worlds of like being able to like, work and do things with my dad. I play basketball and stuff in the yard and then do plays and girly things with my mom. So I had a really good upbringing and it’s nice my parents are still together.
Kimberly Hoffman 08:30
Yeah, sounds like that was a real blessing for you. And how did they show love to each other? How did you how did they demonstrate that love?
Linda Kessler 08:38
Oh, terrible singing together? Lots of singing songs together and playing games. They play Yahtzee or oh cribbage? Is that the one with the wooden board, cribbage? They always play games together. So for wasn’t with us doing like a family game of horse playing basketball. It was games together, boating together. They did a lot of like fun recreational things with swimming, snorkeling all that kind of stuff. So they like they like to play.
Matthew Hoffman 09:08
That’s great. So you had a lot of fun. It sounds like with your family with with your parents.
Linda Kessler 09:12
Matthew Hoffman 09:12
And then they let in that and certainly model that for you guys.
Linda Kessler 09:15
Matthew Hoffman 09:17
So we have kind of 14 pillars we like to talk about, we always focus on the three C’s, which we think are foundational to the qualities that have to be strongly demonstrated in a relationship for it to be successful. And the first of those C’s is commitment. And so Rob, I’d love to say what do you think? Or tell me what commitment looks like in your relationship with Linda.
Rob Kessler 09:39
I knew that whenever I got married, that it was going to be the one time you know watching my parents get divorced and how rough that was. And before Linda, I you know, I dated a few girls and wasn’t always faithful. I was never faithful actually. Except for my very first first girlfriend but I knew that when I made that commitment when I found somebody that it was going to be it, and when I met her, you know, I did my normal, let’s see what I can get away with stuff. And she was like, nope and I’m like, ooh, this girl’s got it going on, so I just to me, it’s always being there for her, supporting and being faithful.
Matthew Hoffman 10:24
Great. Love that. How about you, Linda? What? How do you see commitment show up in your relationship with Rob?
Linda Kessler 10:29
If I want to build a life with someone and have the security that all the things that I’m doing and building, and I don’t want to like, ruin it, I have to have an example myself. So how I treat him, the things that I say and the things I do is basically treat someone like you want to be treated. I just won’t take any crap. Like he said, like, if you’re gonna do something else, like he keys that well to my knowledge, that you never did any, like testing the water kind of things, you’re always there. But it’s like, I just have like a have a standard of like, I know my worth. And I know that how I want to be treated someone treat someone else the same way and commit to the building the life and respect, communication. For the thoughts and minds of plans together instead of like the me mentality.
Kimberly Hoffman 11:20
I love how you look to yourself first. You ask yourself the questions, what would I want? What would I expect? Because I really believe that’s where it all starts from. Right? You have to know what you want what you expect. And then look for those look to do those things. Same things, right. But also look to receive those from your partner.
Matthew Hoffman 11:40
Yeah, beautiful example. And, you know, we can ever get more from a relationship than we’re willing to bring. And I think it sounds like you had that figured out. And I think Rob even alluded to it like, we know none of this shenanigans, it’s not gonna fly with her. So I gotta, I want this one, I’ve gotta gotta fly straight. And so it sounds like he had a good understanding of it as well.
Kimberly Hoffman 12:01
So the two of you, I want to talk about the next pillar, which is communication part of the three C’s. And it sounds like you’re together a lot. So you’re communicating, you’re talking, but how are you really communicating with each other? How are you staying emotionally connected with each other? And either one or you can take that question.
Linda Kessler 12:01
I’ll go. This smallest, simplest things are the best. It’s not the big grand gestures. It’s not the big things once in a while. It’s the little things every day. And I’ll tell you what, whether we are in a like angry at each other, or things are great. Every single day. I love in the lovin, we send each other emoji, like a kissy emoji or I love you. And if we’re together, we always give each other a kiss. It’s just like there’s a strong pole that we do those little things who give me flowers, because it’s a Wednesday. He’s never once given me flowers as an apology. It’s always been flowers associated with it’s a good day, I love you like it. It’s the small things that really make a difference in our communication of like, there aren’t always verbal, I think is just being there in other ways.
Matthew Hoffman 13:17
Yeah, how about for you, Rob?
Matthew Hoffman 13:39
I’m working on it. I’m not the best communicator when it matters. But, you know, the we we really tried to talk through things. I mean, we know that we’re each other support and that we’re going to spend 90% of our time together. So you know, we’re both very stubborn. And so sometimes the communication we’re saying the exact same thing to each other and we are neither of us are hearing it so probably buttheads but, you know, we always kind of circle back and get it together and straighten things out. And we’re stronger for it.
Linda Kessler 14:53
I’m a pusher. I hate the silence. I am a pusher he’s a silent person. So the communication styles are completely Be different. And I think that’s, it’s interesting because he can be fine shutting down walking away. And I’m like, No, we have to talk about it, you know. So it’s that it’s like, we know, it’s been together 13 years, and we know each other’s communication style. So that’s why I’m like, some of the little things in between, like, the our nonverbal really helped us out because we were so different in our communication style.
Kimberly Hoffman 15:24
Yeah. And I think understanding and knowing those styles, people don’t realize it, but we all have a particular way that we like to communicate and the way we like to be communicated with. And so I think really having an understanding of what those are, is important in a relationship.
Matthew Hoffman 15:40
It is and I liked what you said, it’s the small things, and there’s a expression we throw around a lot, it’s called small things often. And when you’re really focused on the details, paying attention, and doing those small things, it’s an investment in the relationship. It’s an investment in the emotional bank account. And if you continue to do that, you know, as you know, the the more you invest over time, the returns are huge. And it’s when you forget that or you take somebody for granted, you’re not making those deposits, you’re not having that quality communication that you can, you know, get in danger of a fracture or breakup or, you know, just a dust up that has a huge impact, because you’re a little overdrawn in that account. And so, you know, I’d like to you guys to both think about when is there been a time in your relationship, where one of you screwed up, made a mistake or really stepped in it? And it didn’t go well for the relationship? What happened? And then how did the two of you navigate that and come out on top?
Rob Kessler 16:42
That’s pretty daily for me, I think.
Linda Kessler 16:44
Rob Kessler 16:47
There really hasn’t been like, big, I mean, all this stuff we’ve done.
Linda Kessler 16:52
It’s pretty trivial. Yeah. I mean, I think there’s enough respect in our relationship that there’s, I mean, put it this way, I think the worst case scenario is this last week, I feel like you’ve been picking on me and it’s been eating up and blah, blah, blah. But really, it’s like the other person has some shit going on. And it just everything feels enough to be any of a blow up is tiny little things adding up that are really trivial.
Rob Kessler 17:19
Linda Kessler 17:20
So and then then we have a little like, I’m frustrated moment. And then we have the the cooldown period, and then come back and talk about it. And then we kind of talk in circles of saying the exact same thing, like we just said before, and then we, you know, we just like, Okay, are we done with this, and then we move on, but unfortunately, we haven’t had in the 13 years, anything huge, because of the respect and the day to day.
Matthew Hoffman 17:48
So tell me, I want to follow on and follow that through a little bit on respect. How do you respect Rob? And how do you see Rob respecting you? What does that look like to you? When you say respect? Everybody has this? Sometimes a different we owe you have respect, we know what that means. But it means different things to different people. So how do you tell me what that looks like to you.
Linda Kessler 18:07
For me, I travel a lot for work a lot, and I’m gonna be gone for weeks or a month or something else. Respect is, I am if I’m with let’s just say a lot of guys are on the team, I would never in a million years, even imagine even flirting with the idea of flirting with somebody else or doing something else because I respect Rob too much in my relationship with him and my whole life, that I just I guess, I guess it comes to sound respecting. If I respect myself, he’ll respect me because he can trust that I can leave for a month and know that our marriage and our relationship is solid, same thing. He’s at home a month at a time watching the dogs taking care of the house doing the laundry, making meals for himself, sit in his office, like he doesn’t have the stimulation, could he stray and do something else and disrespect our relationship. Absolutely. But is he going to, hopefully not. And hopefully that never happens because he respects the foundation of his own and he respects his own integrity and then respects our relationship as well. So that to me, that’s where my respect comes in.
Matthew Hoffman 19:11
Sure. Yeah. No, that’s, that’s strong. You gotta have it. And I love you, Linda, you’ve done it twice. And I think it’s great that it comes back to personal accountability first, and the trust and security that you know, he respects himself enough to respect the relationship and to protect that and that’s a good place to be.
Kimberly Hoffman 19:32
Well, I think I hear you’re also saying that you’ve made him feel safe, in that you can be away for a month and maybe be on a team that is strong in the male makeup and he doesn’t have to worry that you are going to stray or that you are going to flirt because you’ve given him that foundation of trust and stability. We have 14 pillars. We just talked about three of them. So there’s 11 More I would love to know if you guys have that list in front of you, where it’s or if it’s accessible. So of the other 11 pillars, Rob, is there one of them that really stands out to you, one that resonates with you, personally?
Linda Kessler 20:17
The last one probably fun and humor? I mean, I am. I tried not to take anything too seriously. You know, I’m always kind of poking at her and joking. And we, you know, she’s my buddy, man. So we definitely give it to each other. And, you know we just try to have fun. I mean, I think that’s the most you know, just like her parents play games. I mean, we have literally have a Google spreadsheet of UNO games that we’ve played over 500 games and the scores. And so, you know, a lot, a lot of banter and a lot of talk on that. But,
Kimberly Hoffman 20:53
Matthew Hoffman 20:53
So you’re keeping track, right? So do you know whose won more Rob, who’s won more of those games?
Linda Kessler 21:00
Rob Kessler 21:00
Linda Kessler 21:01
Kimberly Hoffman 21:04
He’s not ashamed.
Linda Kessler 21:07
It’s constantly in competition. And that’s the funny thing is like, which is fun. We have a fan beach volleyball court at our house. And we started playing volleyball when we moved to Los Angeles. And then now that we’re here in Georgia, we brought that here, and it’s so much fun at now. Because when we’re on the same team, like how we how we interact, or if we’re on opposite teams, and we’re like, come on, Rob, right here, give it to me. And then like, he’ll spike it in my face like, what the hell Rob, but it’s a sweet, constantly give each other crap in the best way possible. And I think that’s fun, where it’s not like, Oh, you hurt me. You know, it’s always like, fun out there. You know, it’s just because one of the games, it’s a game, like, if it was anybody else, would you be upset, but because it was your husband, now you’re upset. And that’s what happens, I think most relationships is they lose that fun. We don’t like pick on each other anymore.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:06
It’s a great example. What are some other ways you play together?
Linda Kessler 22:12
Between all of our businesses, I mean, like we had a boat Charter Business in Los Angeles, with a 50 foot zero Sundancer. We ran that for four years.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:20
Linda Kessler 22:20
And he would he has his captain license our crew, and then we would if we run the business, we like, hype up the customers and was a private charter business. And we would it’s just, everything’s playing. I mean, even now, it’s like, I mean, with the horses. I mean, like, I mean, everything like it’s just it’s a nice, we’re always busy doing something but like to have fun with it.
Rob Kessler 22:43
Yeah, never feels like work because it’s
Linda Kessler 22:46
It always feels like work.
Rob Kessler 22:47
Well, it’s work but we try to have fun.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:50
It’s always work.
Matthew Hoffman 22:52
But you’re having fun.
Kimberly Hoffman 22:53
But fun work.
Matthew Hoffman 22:53
Kimberly Hoffman 22:54
Exactly. Yeah, How about for you Linda?
Linda Kessler 22:57
Well, yeah, even like pulling weeds, and like doing the landscaping here, but we put a sound system outside, and then we’ll this like, all of a sudden, like, I’ll turn around, and he’s dancing and being silly. And it’s like, oh, let’s take a break from doing like this mundane project. Little things. Again, back to the little things, you know, just sometimes bad dancing.
Rob Kessler 23:18
I got plenty of that.
Kimberly Hoffman 23:20
Does the pillar stand out for you Linda? Is there one that really resonates with you?
Linda Kessler 23:24
I just want to add a little point in there about him. selflessness stands like, I can’t stop giving past that one without saying how selfless Rob is. How, with me with his friends and his family. He’s a half full kind of guy and puts everybody else before him. So I just want to compliment you on that one. Because I can’t look at that without saying it. Because he’s so giving.
Kimberly Hoffman 23:53
He’s a giver.
Linda Kessler 23:54
Matthew Hoffman 23:58
That’s great. No, it’s nice to hear that you recognize it and say it. And you know, that’s part of that appreciation pillar is, you know, we just did a another episode. We’re on our platform. And we talked about what do you do if you don’t feel valued in the relationship, right, because you’re not hearing it. And the fact that you’re able to do that freely is we all love to hear what we’re good at, and that we’re valued and people are paying attention. I think that’s, I think that’s critical. And I want to come back to the whole self thing. And I’d love to hear from each of you, Rob, maybe you could start. What’s the one non negotiable self care practice that you engage in? To give yourself what you need. So you can show up best for Linda in your relationship?
Rob Kessler 24:41
You know, I think it just, I need my me time a little bit. You know, I get to work in the morning. I do my thing and I’m after that I’m willing to do anything for anybody, especially her. I mean, I’m building a barn and I built a tack room and put up a fence and doing all this stuff for her and for the horse and all that. But I don’t know, I just make it through the day and just do my things. And I don’t I don’t think that there’s anything specific that I absolutely have to do. I mean, I do push ups every other day. That’s about it.
Matthew Hoffman 25:17
Is there something Linda that you really need to have for yourself to feel good and sound centered or balanced or able to show up?
Linda Kessler 25:26
I have to go to the gym, I have to go to the gym, I have to go for a run. He complains that when we go on vacation, it’s a trip now to vacation because I have to do activities I need. I have a lot of like, energy. And I think you’ll see things and do things. So for me, it’s movement, I have to move. So now in the morning, every morning, I’m gone to the gym, I go to the horse stable that I come home. And then we work on our projects together. So while he has his time in his office to get his stuff done, so it’s like, he has quiet he can do podcast, make his phone calls without any interruptions. So it’s kind of nice. He’s like, you know, four or five hours of just him and then I get to do my energy stuff. And then
Rob Kessler 26:08
Then she comes barreling in the house, I’m home.
Linda Kessler 26:11
Kimberly Hoffman 26:14
But you’re recharged, you’ve had your downtime, you’re ready for her when she walks in the door. I love it. So you guys have been married for a while. And I would love to hear, you know, after we’ve been married for a while intimacy changes, but how have you kept it alive and well, in your relationship?
Rob Kessler 26:37
Just try to make sure that, the hard part for us is we get to work at like noon. And as you know, or two o’clock, you know, it’s she’s home from the gym. So she’s sweaty, and then I’m outside getting ready to start working. And by eight, nine o’clock or like it’s dinner, and then we put on a show and it’s bedtime. But, you know, we we find time to make sure that we’re having that part of our relationship, you know, make sure that that’s not neglected.
Linda Kessler 27:07
We were at the Renaissance Festival this weekend. And they were throwing out whips like leather night like,
Kimberly Hoffman 27:15
Rob Kessler 27:16
I don’t know what that had to do with the Renaissance.
Linda Kessler 27:19
None So maybe we got like, Give us one and several like our friends, we all got these like heavy duty reps, like, just gotta keep things interesting. You notice like kind of how funny I’m like, just the weird stuff out there. But it’s just kind of funny, where you just have fun with it with your friends. But that was really weird.
Rob Kessler 27:39
Try to have fun with it and be selfless. That’s, that’s my motivation, that’s my goal.
Matthew Hoffman 27:45
Sure. So, you know, if you guys think about you’ve been together, you guys work together, you do everything together. And obviously you’ve evolved and learned. But, Rob, if you had to go back to your unmarried self, and give yourself one piece of advice, put your hands on your shoulders go, Hey, here’s the one thing you need to know, what would that be?
Rob Kessler 28:12
You know, it’s, it’s more time together than you think it’s going to be even though you know, we do everything together anyways. But I think if you think about a married couple, they go in and you go from dating to married. And it’s like, oh, we spent a lot of time together. It’s like, No, when you get married, all of a sudden, it’s it’s really you two against the world. And so the friends are used to party with and hang out with, they’re gone like that you see them on the weekends, maybe they’re starting to have kids and everybody’s lives are really starting to evolve. And when you go from that dating life to married life, it’s a lot more time together than you expect. So you better be with somebody who you can spend that kind of time with. I got a piece of advice from someone a long time ago, and it stuck out. It doesn’t always, you know, come forward when we needed to. But if it won’t matter in five years, don’t waste five minutes. And so some of the times that we fight about stuff and it’s just like dude, who cares? Like why are we even spending any time on this? And so, we tried to use that but a lot of times it you know, it takes a little bit of butting heads to get that but you’re gonna spend a lot more time together and you better like who you’re with that. All the other stuff doesn’t matter if you if you don’t have a good relationship and a good foundation.
Kimberly Hoffman 29:40
Matthew Hoffman 29:47
Yeah. How about you, Linda? What would you what advice would you give to your on married self about marriage and relationships?
Linda Kessler 30:44
I guess the same advice I had, which was never settle. I mean, I was dating someone before him. And we were in the Spanish Steps. Where is that, Italy?
Rob Kessler 31:00
Linda Kessler 31:01
I was in Italy. And I was like, wow, like, we were looking at rings and doing everything else. And I’m like, if I’m with this guy, I’m settling. You know. And I know I’m going back to the single thing for a couple a little bit before I met Rob. And I think that’s the biggest advice in I mean, I didn’t settle. I’m just saying in general for people, like when you’re single, like, just don’t settle with the guy that you’re dating now. Because you don’t want to start over because you’re like, oh, I want marriage and kids or whatever else. Like I just think just don’t settle.
Matthew Hoffman 31:29
Kimberly Hoffman 31:30
Knowing and understanding Love Languages is important. And, Linda, I’m sure that you know what Rob’s love languages. How does he like to receive love? And what do you do to support that?
Linda Kessler 31:47
Honestly, I’m not good at it. He, it took it’s hard for me. So
Kimberly Hoffman 31:52
it’s a work in progress
Linda Kessler 31:52
he doesn’t like being called Rob. He wants a nickname. He’s a nickname guy. It’s hard for me to do it. And so I don’t like the sweetie, the babe or whatever else. Like I literally call him Rob and it drives him crazy. He wants some kind of cute like kushabar, like some kind of cute name. I cannot. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. And he likes to hear the words I’m sorry versus any like, I apologize. It can’t be that has to be specifically I’m sorry. It has to be certain ways. Like his words to him how he hears them. Is is really what it is and touch. So it’s words and touch, that’s his love language. But I just know not good at not calling him Rob.
Matthew Hoffman 32:40
So words Yeah, words, words are important. He likes. Okay, and touch physical touch.
Kimberly Hoffman 32:45
I think it’s also important to note that he has told you what those things are.
Linda Kessler 32:49
Oh, no, he didn’t tell me you can tell by the energy.
Kimberly Hoffman 32:52
So, you can tell by the energy, you feel it?
Linda Kessler 32:55
If I asked him the question. his answer is I don’t know. So it’s just takes your own like, like what do you mean what are the love languages in this like thing all the gifts the touch the words of affirmation, Acts of kindness, stuff like that, like know those existed or the category like he’s like I don’t care like? Because just talking about with friends. I figured out that was his thing. Just because he just realized when I keep calling you rob and not something cutesy.
Rob Kessler 33:27
I respond yes Linda?
Linda Kessler 33:28
Yeah. Everytime. Hey Rob.
Rob Kessler 33:31
Linda Kessler 33:33
I’m like I like hearing my name. Like I don’t mind you say Linda, like it just doesn’t bother me. And to him, it’s a big thing. So I just kind of learned what I feel are his love languages, because his answer is I don’t know about love languages.
Kimberly Hoffman 33:33
Rob Kessler 33:49
Touch, yeah I get it.
Kimberly Hoffman 33:52
Gotcha. How about for you, Rob? How does Linda like to receive love?
Rob Kessler 33:59
Foot massages every night on the couch.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:03
Acts of Service.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:04
Acts of service.
Rob Kessler 34:05
I can ask her do anything if I got her feet in my hands so, just melts.
Matthew Hoffman 34:13
No, that wouldn’t work.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:15
That’s a dangerous weapon right now.
Matthew Hoffman 34:17
Doesn’t work in our house at all, Rob, we don’t have a 12 step process on how to give a foot rub.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:22
Matthew Hoffman 34:23
I might have to rub up on your email. I’m gonna send you this 12 step process on how to give a proper foot rub so she can even be more butter in your hands. Well, if it works don’t tell anyone about it.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:33
Don’t tell anyone about it, please.
Rob Kessler 34:34
Won’t tell anyone about it.
Kimberly Hoffman 34:35
Matthew Hoffman 34:36
I love it. That’s great. Well, we, you know, have a concept that we call overflow thinking and we believe that the goodness of life really starts in our relationship and when you have a great relationship, and you’re pouring in and they’re pouring into you, there’s a lot of good and that overflows into other areas of your life. How have you guys seen the goodness of your relationship overflow into other things that either you do together or you do individually?
Rob Kessler 35:03
I believe that 100% I mean, when we’re when we’re cranking and it’s, we feel unstoppable. I mean, we’ve started four businesses together that have gone from zero to a million dollars in revenue for totally different industries. And when we’re, you know, she’s doing her strong suit, and I’m doing my strong suit. We just click along, and then you know, all of a sudden, there’s more friends around, and there’s just more laughs and everything is so much better when we’re, you know, in that groove together. So I totally believe in that.
Linda Kessler 35:35
Yeah, it’s nice, because we were able, our sacrifices together, which Rob talked about a little bit earlier, when we were younger, and you’re dating, we had friends, we went and partied, we did everything else. But then Rob and I got together, and we’re like, we want to start a business together. So we started, we bought a building, and we renovated it. And slowly friends went away, because we weren’t out on a Saturday night drinking or Friday night drinking, because we wanted to get a wall put up, you know, and make this thing. So I could run a gym, and it was interesting is the evenflows of it, where it’s like, okay, if we do this together, it’s gonna be better because we can have a business and then more friends come. And it’s like, it’s interesting, who comes and goes when the hard stuff happens, or the physical labor of things. Because when you can’t afford to hire someone to do it, you learn how to do it yourself, which means a lot of trial and error, a lot of YouTube videos, a lot of just just sweating, figuring it out. And I think us being together and creating things, and now to where we are today, and that we have people at our house four times a week playing volleyball or enjoying our backyard and everything we’ve built. It’s interesting, how us better together like we can make it through what other humans in our life cannot make it through, even on a friend level.
Matthew Hoffman 37:01
Sure, yeah. So it’s kind of that the testing point is when the things get tough, you know, who sticks around, and who doesn’t. And the two of you are together through it. And so you’re attracting others that have a similar commitment, or are willing to kind of be in it with you. And I think that’s important, not just for your relationship, but also for the test of others that are worthy and worthwhile of your time. It sounds like you guys mastered that together.
Rob Kessler 37:27
Yeah, it’s been wild. I mean, in the times where I’m questioning my life decisions, and you know, why did I invent a product and go down this path, it’s so hard. And maybe I’m hitting a little bit of a low, low haul, you know, spot. She’s like, glided, and she’s right there to help bring me back up and get me through it. And it’s gone the other way. Other times, I mean, she’s just like, man, what’s happening? I’m not getting jobs or not doing this and questioning, you know, those decisions, and then maybe I’m on a high and so you know, we’ve always been there for each other to pull through. And it just seems like the time has always worked out perfect for us. So it’s been good.
Kimberly Hoffman 38:04
So what do you do to help each other pull through that actually lead right into my next question is that when you have to go through challenging times, or make difficult decisions as you have with starting businesses, and I know, you know, you, Linda, are a professional stunt woman, and so you know, getting jobs and having work, when you have to really go through those challenges, how do you approach them? How do you approach them together?
Linda Kessler 38:30
Rob gave me some good advice. Because when I start leveling up, and then you’re not as good at whatever skill that is, or, or wherever it is, we start leveling up, it gets harder, because you’re changing. And some of those advice of like, just being there to so like, you’re you’re, you’re not if it was easy, everyone would do it. I mean, that’s just it’s hard enough to be a person in my industry as it is, but let alone being a successful person in this industry. So it’s always it’s a mental thing. And it’s Hollywood, it’s a mental game to on top of everything else, you need someone else to be like, No, you’re you know, it’s hard right now, because but you’re better than you were last week, you’re better than you were last month, or whatever it’s going to be. And so just those positive words of affirmation can go a really long way. And I do that to him when he’s going through a hard time of like, why am I doing this? And I’ll just give him a lot of the things he says to me because you’re actually really good at pulling it out. Like saying those things and keeping it might give me a level head. And I use those things back to you where it’s like, you’re great at this. You’re great at this. You’re great at this. You’re great at this and it’s just a happy sandwich of great information.
Kimberly Hoffman 39:45
You’re really getting each other out of that negative mindset.
Linda Kessler 39:47
Kimberly Hoffman 39:48
You’re good doing that for each other. When it’s timely.
Rob Kessler 39:52
Yeah, I think sometimes you just hit you know, you’re focusing on one thing not going right, even though you’ve heard no 1000 times. It’s just like you’re gonna throw in the towel. Sometimes you just need to go lay in bed watching TV and say screw it. Come back tomorrow.
Kimberly Hoffman 40:07
Matthew Hoffman 40:09
Yeah. So Rob, what’s the one thing that Linda does that just puts the biggest smile on your face or just light you up?
Rob Kessler 40:17
You know, I’m not really great at receiving compliments, but she’s good at making sure that I know that, you know, I mean, it’s 90 degrees outside, I have shorts on and no shirt and I’m dripping in sweat and just working my butt off to build this thing. You know, whatever we’re building, and she just knows to say, you know, thanks. Hey, I’m making dinner, just don’t worry about it. You know, she just kind of helps a nose take care of some stuff that I don’t have to think about. And so she’s always makes me feel like she appreciates all the work that I put in. So
Kimberly Hoffman 40:49
Matthew Hoffman 40:49
Gotcha. And Linda, what about for you? What’s something that Rob does that just puts the biggest smile on your face?
Linda Kessler 40:55
He shows up for me.Time is I think people’s greatest asset or next worth the most. And for him to show up at 7am in 20 degree weather to watch me in a horse show that he had no clue what’s going on in like, is it a jumper show. So it’s like the obstacle courses based on time and you go for speed. And he’s watching these things like he has no clue what’s going on. But the fact that he would show up for me in the most early hours, inclement weather, they’ll be there. And I think, Hey, I needed something. I was hours away, and he would hop in the car and bring me the item. Like he does that constantly. Because he just keeps showing up for me. And that means the most to me that I can rely on him.
Matthew Hoffman 41:43
Rob Kessler 41:43
And I unload the dishwasher.
Linda Kessler 41:45
Kimberly Hoffman 41:47
That’s my favorite by the way.
Matthew Hoffman 41:48
I never do it right.
Kimberly Hoffman 41:58
I just one of the things I dislike the most and so when he does that, for me, I’m just like, yes, thank you.
Matthew Hoffman 42:05
She can’t go, this woman next to me cannot go to bed. If there’s clean dishes in the dishwasher. She’s thinking, I don’t want to come out here and face it in the morning.
Kimberly Hoffman 42:13
I don’t want to see it tomorrow.
Matthew Hoffman 42:14
She opens up she goes, Ah, you unloaded the dishwasher. Yeah, I mean, that’s excitement, right?
Linda Kessler 42:19
That’s nice. All the little things that are just like,
Matthew Hoffman 42:25
Pay attention to detail, it matters. No doubt, no doubt. Yeah.
Kimberly Hoffman 42:29
So you guys have been so much fun. Thank you so much for your authenticity for your contribution. You’ve got some really great things going on in your relationship. So keep up the amazing work.
Matthew Hoffman 42:41
It’s great. If people want to learn more about you or find you or connect with you and learn more about what you’re doing. Where should they go?
Linda Kessler 42:48
For Instagram for me? It’s @LindaKfit L I N D A K F I T.
Matthew Hoffman 42:56
Great. And how about for you Rob?
Rob Kessler 42:58
Probably just my go tieless or million dollar collar. I don’t post on social media.
Linda Kessler 43:03
He’s bad at his posting he’ll post something. I’ll be like, Why did you post that?
Matthew Hoffman 43:09
Oh, what? So Rob, what is your favorite nickname? I was gonna say rowdy Rob, and I’m trying to think of a good one. So what is one of your favorite nicknames that someone’s called you.
Rob Kessler 43:18
Kess, usually it’s the first four letters of my last name. So a lot of my friends call me Kess. But it’d be Kess sometimes.
Linda Kessler 43:25
We were playing volleyball and I go Robbie. And he’s like, Did you just call me Robbie?
Matthew Hoffman 43:33
I call her Burly Kimberly and I’ve shortened it to Burly and so that’s my nickname.
Linda Kessler 43:39
Matthew Hoffman 43:39
for her. Yeah.
Linda Kessler 43:40
Do you have a nickname?
Kimberly Hoffman 43:42
For him? No, not really. Sometimes I’ll call him Matty. Which I don’t think he really likes because I think people from his childhood I think your family a lot of your family called you Matty
Matthew Hoffman 43:52
My family called me Matty Pan.
Kimberly Hoffman 43:54
Oh Matty Pan.
Matthew Hoffman 43:54
So that was like the term of endearment when I was a little kid. I hated it. But now I don’t mind it so much but
Linda Kessler 44:00
So there’s no other nicknames you just go by his name?
Kimberly Hoffman 44:03
Or I’ll I do use endearments though. I will say babe you know, sweetie whatever.
Linda Kessler 44:08
Matthew Hoffman 44:09
You’re hot. I like that one.
Linda Kessler 44:12
I like that.
Kimberly Hoffman 44:13
I’m not allowed to say cute. Cute is a four letter word.
Matthew Hoffman 44:16
Kimberly Hoffman 44:17
It’s what my grandmother would say.
Matthew Hoffman 44:18
Cute and handsome No. Rob, no guy likes to be cute or handsome. We want to be hot
Rob Kessler 44:25
Matthew Hoffman 44:26
The hotness, he just might respond to that one. Guys, it’s been so much fun. Thanks for showing up and coming out. And we’re so glad that you joined us here today. We look forward to sharing these nuggets with other people.
Linda Kessler 44:45
Thank you for having us.
Rob Kessler 45:13
Yeah, thank you.