Why did we interview a couple that’s not married on the kick-ass couples podcast? We did it because Chelsea Pezzola & Nick Iacovella just get it!
They’re a young couple who have a terrific relationship. Their joy, love and appreciation of each other is genuine. They’re doing things at an early stage in their relationship that are going to impact their relationship and its longevity. We can certainly see them getting married, because they have all the components of a successful relationship that’s founded on principles, virtues and values.
They started as friends first. We think this is important, because it gave them time to learn and accept each other’s flaws. They also learned to support each other with their goals, and having that base friendship first just shows that they cared about each other without a romantic involvement.
Romance can really get in the way sometimes when you’re in a relationship. When you’re infatuated and attracted, you’re immediately thinking about the advanced stages of intimacy and being close physically. That can overshadow learning about one another’s flaws, goals, and deeply held beliefs. Nick and Chelsea built a foundation with meaningful bricks before there were any demands of romance.
We always ask our podcast guests about their upbringing, what love looked like from their families of origin growing up, and how that rolls into their own relationship together. Chelsea said she felt supported and loved by her parents growing up. Even though her parents got divorced when she was young, she said that didn’t necessarily rock her world. She didn’t like it, but her father and her stepfather worked together to make an agreement of how they related to her as a young girl, so that she got love from both of them. They turned what could normally be a negative, into a positive. She felt very blessed having two men in her life that loved her. One was committed to her mom. One was no longer with her mom, but she had a great relationship with both. She saw compromise modeled.
Nick’s parents, Nina and Pat, are dear friends of ours. And their other son, Jake, is the same age as is our son Cole. We’ve got a relationship there, but it was really great knowing Nick, seeing him grow up and now talking to him about relationships. What stood out to Nick about his parents, is that they are both very supportive. He was heavily involved in baseball, played in college, and even thought he might go on to play from there. His mom and dad travelled with him to all his games. He feels that he was very supported and loved by his family. They taught him how important family is. They sit around the dinner table together. Meals being the most important time for them, because it’s a time when they come together, talk, and enjoy one another.
Many couples don’t sit down and ask those specific questions and say, what did love look like in your family growing up? How did your parents demonstrate commitment? How did they communicate? How did they handle conflicts? Did they resolve them? What did they do? And by asking those questions and digging a little deeper, you’re helping love mapping and understanding. You’re creating communication, and understanding what your spouse or your partner is bringing to the relationship and what their viewpoint is. That’s important if you’re going to be effective and give them what they need in the relationship. We have always done this, and still do all the time. We’re still learning. We ask those deliberate questions about what love looked like growing up. How did your parents handle commitment? How did they communicate with each other? If you haven’t had that, we suggest you take the time to ask those questions and build the relationship from the family of origin. It is important and it pays off.
A lot of people look at millennials or the younger generation, and think they’re only in it for themselves, they’re just doing things that they want, and they’re not focused on others. This couple is a great example of millenials who are actively looking to see how they can bless others with what they’ve been blessed with. And they know that in doing that, it spills over to other people and they love that.
They’re cooking, they’re hosting, and they’re having fun. And we love what Nick said, “We are winning. This is a house of winners”. They like to win, and winning doesn’t necessarily mean a first place trophy, but it means doing it right with love, passion and commitment.
We recommend listening to this full episode on our podcast if you’re just getting started in a relationship. There’s a lot of good pearls of wisdom and behind the scenes questions in that episode for our young listeners.
Until next time. Remember, happily ever after doesn’t just happen, it’s on purpose.